Wednesday, August 19, 2009

How to not know a damn thing about hobo's


If you've never experienced the stupidity that is http://www.wikihow.com/ I highly recommend it for a laugh. There are Articles like "How to breath" and "How to drink a soda". I'm guessing if you don't know how to breath then you probably didn't have the energy to go and buy a fucking computer.

They also have an article entitled "How to become a hobo" which is basically everything you should do to NOT be a hobo. It's kinda long, but here's a summary:

It says to "Take stock of your skills and experience" and lists "Any web-based service such as writing, editing or programming." as something that lends itself to the hobo lifestyle. Last time I checked hobos weren't into high tech shit and the whole point of being a hobo is to not have to work.

Under getting from place to place it states: "Greyhound, in the US at least, offers steep discounts when you purchase tickets a week in advance, and even more for still earlier purchases. Buy tickets at the station for the best deals; web purchases have an extra $3 or $4 tagged on whether the tickets are mailed or "on call". Hobos ride on trains not public transportation. And where the fuck is a hobo going to get access to a computer to get super crazy internet deals?!

It talks about where to take showers. "you can also obtain a membership to a national gym chain and use the showers there (provided you actually work out and maintain your appearance)." Since when do hobos care about their appearance? Yeah, walk your dirty lice infested hobo ass into the local Bally's. Let me know how that works out.

I would say my favorite though is this: "Bring a camera, preferably a digital one with large memory, and/or keep a journal. You'll always like to remember your travels while you're on the road." Make sure it's digital! You'll want to keep a record of all the times you get raped.

Nothing about scruffy dogs, stick and bindles, trains, burning barrels, BEANS?! Fuck this, Clown's gonna do some editing.

9 comments:

Chorenzo Chorizno said...

I thought this whole article was a complete travesty. Like Bally's is going to let you stroll right in with your scruffy dog and stick and bindle. Come on now.

Clown said...

What kind of hobo sleeps on someones couch that they met over the internet? What kind of hobo takes showers and rides a Greyhound? Shitty fake hobos, that's who.

Lance's Other Nut said...

Jason Kendall is appalled.

All you need is:
AVG OBP SLG OPS
.235 .324 .282 .606

Lance's Other Nut said...

And an affinity for Mudvayne and a shitty-looking Brett Favre grizzle-face.

Chorenzo Chorizno said...

I'm still convinced someone in the Brewers' front office vetoed Kendall's choice of Boxcar Willie for at-bat music. Those fuckers.

Chorenzo Chorizno said...

The Brewers are clearly embarrassed by Kendall's hobo lifestyle. It's shameful to all hobos.

Anonymous said...

to be fair, hobos are vagrants who look for work and travel.

tramps are vagrants who refuse to work and travel.

bums are vagrants who refuse to work and don't travel.

Clown said...

This may be true, but I have never seen a hobo travel the country by bus and then go on an elliptical.

I guess I'm thinking old school hobo. What you are describing sounds like a hippy. Where does the scruffy dog come into play? What about beans? I'm guessing a true hobo eats 5-6 servings of beans per hour.

Bob Cooper said...

What about the use of a stick & bindle?

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