Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Brewers - Mid-Season grades

Ryan Braun - Grade: B
Obviously, was having a great year until the end of June. I definitely used to enjoy it when Braun would speak his mind, but obviously now he's taken it a bit too far. His words used to motivate the team, but now It's obviously doing the opposite. He is obviously, mired in a terrible slump and definitely needs to work through it instead of making excuses and blaming shadows. He is obviously, way too talented to be doing so. Obviously, Any playoff run will not be possible without Brauns bat coming to life. Obviously.
Sidenote: I once yelled to him "I still love you Ryan Braun!" when I was next in line for an autograph and he had to leave. He totally heard me.
Mike Cameron - Grade: C
I wish that I could do this one in whispers because anytime he is interviewed you can't hear a fucking word this guy is saying. (He could be telling me that my mother is a whore) Cameron came out of the gates sprinting, but has gone back to being exactly what he is, an average player. I just can't get excited about him for some reason. Recently, he is starting to return to the crappy defense that plagued him last year. I haven't checked the stats (mainly because I'm lazy), but it sure seems like he's terrible with RISP. I know a lot of people will disagree with me on this one. Just keep one thing in mind... You're wrong.

Craig Counsell - Grade A
I've always defended Counsell. He's probably my favorite baseball player of all time. (Yes, I'm serious) (No, I don't have a tumor) Counsell has perfected the lost art of taking pitches and running up the count. When you get 10 pitches every time you bat, that's a job well done. Running the starting pitcher early is huge when you have the shitty bullpens of the Central Div. His performance this year has been well above expectations and has filled a great need in the infield with Weeks going down.
Sidenote: I drafted Counsell first in my fantasy league this year. (Yes, I am in last place)

Prince Fielder - Grade A
Fielder has really shown what he can do this year. I really didn't think he had it in him to be a .300+ hitter. He has been solid all year and really hasn't slumped. Without Fielder this team wouldn't even be in contention. Enjoy him while he is here. Big money and hookers are coming his way. Baby need a new pair of shoes (made from hemp)
Sidenote: He cancelled last minute yet again for the block party this year.

Bill Hall - Grade F-
You are a completely worthless sack of rotting donkey shit. You could be swinging a cricket paddle and not make contact with a basketball. It's awesome how you watch every fucking hit you get. It's a ground ball asshole, fucking run. I'm glad you got Lasik so you could watch the ball go right passed you. Fuck you Bill Hall.

JJ. Hardy - Grade D
I'm really disappointed in Hardy this year. He usually starts hot and clearly that didn't happen this year. Yes, he made good contact for a while, thanks for telling me that 391 times Rock. His defense has also been a little off. He'll make crazy diving off the wall plays and then miss a simple grounder. I do see him coming out of this soon. I think he will have a good second half. I think Hardy and Hart will be bundled in a deal for pitching in the offseason.

Jason Kendall - Grade A+++
what Kendall brings to the table is sometimes hard to measure unless you figure in his bean situation. Jason has been living the Hobo life for years and knows how to keep his beans in check. Have you ever heard Kendall say crap like "Hey, the shadows coming off this massive can of baked beans are making me swing at low outside pitches"? I didn't think so. Kendall keeps to himself, does his job and goes home to his box car. Also, as we saw last night he's totally into bum fights.

Corey Hart - Grade F
I used to sing Never Surrender to you when you would come to bat. Now, we're beefin. Maybe if you would spend more time in the batting cage and less getting tattoos of tractors and your squatty wife you wouldn't strike out 11 times out of 10. I have nothing else to say about this prick.

Ricky Weeks (I had to throw him in) F
Does anyone really believe he would have kept up with what he was doing? Let's be serious here. It's Ricky Weeks. I'm not buying it. I can't wait until he comes back next year and get's injured again. Probably stop flicking the fucking bat around 85 times before swinging. I can't imagine why you blew out both your wrists!

More to come.


Lance's Other Nut said...

Haha, this was the best post so far. The hobo jokes about Jason Kendall get me every time.

garcia said...

For a millisecond, I thought maybe the Crew would think about moving Hart, Hardy and maybe someone else to Oakland for Holliday. Can you imagine that 3-4-5? I'm more interested in hOlliday than hAlladay!

I'm still holding out hope, but no one is talking about it.

Clown said...

I wasnt' sure if anyone else would enjoy the hobo stuff. That's good to hear.

At first I thought they were talking about hOlliday. It's kinda hard to tell the difference when listening to mushmouth radio announcers.

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