Friday, February 26, 2010

Arctic Tailgate

Why would you sit for days in the cold waiting for opening day tickets when you could just buy a 9 pack and get it for free? These morons say they are die hard Brewers fans, but they won't spend $130 to get a 9 pack of games? Reading some of these stories you hear excuses like "I'm married and have kids, so I can't commit to that many games". Really? But you can commit to 4 days sleeping in a parking lot away from your family? The people that are doing this are in it for the party and that's it.

Looking at the pictures there seemed to be a lot of Packers gear as well, which I always love to see... You're such a huge fan, but yet you can't buy some Brewers shit?

With all the money you morons spent on food, wood, clothing, etc., you could have called Ticket King and bought an opening day ticket for the same amount without getting frostbite. My friends and I have started a new tradition. We go to one persons house, crack a beer at 8am and order tickets online as they go on sale at the same fucking time.


Monday, February 22, 2010

Junk Truck'n!

It's been a while, but it's time for another installment of Junk Truck'n! (you know you love it!)

Today's truck could be spotted at the Hwy 100 Hobo on Sunday. I don't think I've seen this much rust and dents on a vehicle since my 1979 Camaro. It's like someone took a golf iron covered in salt and bashed the shit out of every inch for 15 years. The tailgate is nicely held up by a piece of rope. That would make me feel real safe driving behind it will all this shit in the back:

My favorite is when Junk Trucks are hauling junk. A box fan, 2 milk crates, an office chair and a bunch of brake lines and other random twisted metal fill the bed of this champion of rust. I'm kinda disappointed that hobo's have not stolen the metal for recycling money. See what happens when Kendall leaves town?!

Life begins again

Pitchers and catchers reported on Saturday, which was not a day too soon as I'm in my usual Winter funk and getting ready to make a balloon noose. My expectations for 2010 are much higher coming into spring than they were in beginning of the off-season. I know I said I was throwing in the towel a long time ago, but I was just pissed off about not bringing back the Hobo. (Rest assured that I will continue to follow Kendall and update you on his bean situation throughout the year!)

The most interesting thing about spring training has to be the pitching. With a lot of competition for the 5 spot in the rotation it will be interesting to see who impresses. Personally, I'd like to see Narveson get the spot, but I realize that's a long shot. I don't know what the hell they are going to do with Suppan, but his job is definitely in jeopardy. Like I've mentioned before, Bush and Suppan have zero value in the bullpen. Bush always has a rocky first inning and Suppan just plain sucks.

I predicted long, long ago that Jonathan Lucroy would be at the very least the backup catcher. With Zaun being 38, whoever is the backup should get plenty of playing time. Then again it's Macha, so he'll probably play 140 games. What I don't want to see is Lucroy getting no playing time and having a breakdown like Gamel. I think Lucroy has a real future and I don't want to see him mismanaged.

I'm working on a 2010 preview post that should be up by weeks end. I feel reinvigorated!

One thing is for sure, I'm ready for baseball!

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

What is the problem asshole?

For some reason I've been really craving Bloody Mary's all the time lately. I've noticed that every time I order one the bartender gives me attitude. Yes, I realize it's 6PM. Is there some unwritten law that a Bloody Mary can only be drank in the morning? Why is this any more difficult to make then something like a Long Island? What's so fucking hard about putting some juice, vodka, worcestershire sauce, bitters and some tabasco in a glass? Is it because of all the frills that go in with it? All I want is a pickle asshole, I don't need all the fru fru crap. I'm sorry I don't want a tap from your dirty ass lines with fruit flies that you haven't cleaned for 5 years that gave me the shits last time.

I've decided that from now on anywhere I go the first drink I'm ordering is a Bloody Mary. My friend Mr. Del Taco had a great idea; if I get attitude then I'm asking for a mojita. Go muddle me some fresh mint while you talk like Foghorn Leghorn bitch. Oh, and Enjoy your zero tip fucko.

Friday, February 12, 2010


I really can't believe what I just read. Hart won the arbitration hearing. I didn't think he had a snowballs chance in hell.

If you're gonna be making 4.8 million you better keep your fucking mouth shut this year and develop some plate discipline. I can't handle another year of you "not taking pitches" and then complaining about fans who put your hillbilly ass in the All Star game.

Isn't Gabe Gross still available?! Yeah, I said it!

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Better things to do with Corey Harts money

Today is douche extraordinaire Corey Hart's arbitration hearing. Hart is requesting 4.8 million for the 2010 season. This to me is a total joke. There is no way in hell he is worth anywhere near that. Swinging at shit in the dirt in the playoffs, talking smack about Milwaukee and it's fan, getting stupid fucking tattoos of tractors.... All in a days work for this tool.

I have thought of a much better use for 4.8 million dollars. I give you (drum roll) the 'Pissing away Corey Harts money zone'.

Every time someone hits a home run instead of a refreshing mist of water Bernie will make it rain various denominations. Dolla dolla bill y'all!

I think this is a much better alternative than giving this hillbilly cousin porking fucktard any money.