Friday, October 30, 2009
A classic episode last night about wrastling with Rowdy Roddy Piper as the "Maniac". Some hilarious parts:
Frank as the 'Garbage Man' eating trash and then puking in the can.
Frank giving the returning soldier a pair of jean shorts
The 'Maniac' having a bucket of chestnuts in his car
The 'Birds of War' entrance singing about protecting their eggs and screaming like eagles.
Artemis asking Sweet Dee if she got any dick picks because it could be a "Mess down there"
Yeah, it's been really distracting....
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
There are so many things off in this picture. Why is Putin scowling? Was he just told that he's eating cat shit? Is this the Tiger Woods of Korea? It looks like he just hit the links. Maybe that's Putin's caddy who carries his giant fork.
That looks like a nice chair. I could use it in my fart rotation.
I've had this computer chair for many years. The back is all bent to shit after I got pissed off playing Counter Strike and had a tantrum. I figured it was time for a new chair. As my girlfriend was wheeling it out of the house she noted "This smells like old spaghetti" This reminded me of the work chair swap...
At a previous job I dropped so much ass in my chair that it started to smell rancid. I decided I would switch the visitor chair in my office with my own. Unfortunately, people started to comment on what the smell was when they would sit down. At this point I had already done some serious damage to the chair I had swapped for anyway, so it was time for a new plan, the 'Conference Room Switcharoo'. I started to rotate my chairs with the ones in the conference room next door. I would say after about a month I would need a fresh chair. Once in a while I would be in there for a meeting and people would comment on what the smell was. I would sit there stone faced and say "Yeah, what is that?".
So, sweety, remember that day you found 5 cheddar melt wrappers? Old Spaghetti!
Monday, October 26, 2009
shit out of the back judge Richard Reels. He didn't just run into him, he shoved him as hard as possible. I would imagine there will be a fine for this? Although, that game had some of the worst officiating I have ever seen, so I could understand the frustration.
You can see the video here until they take it down:
A team that is always there vs. a team that was there last year. Exciting!
At first glance one might think this this person works at a planitarium. Then you see the rainbows and realize that pounding your ass like a drum is on the agenda. (not that there is anything wrong with.. oh to hell with it) Someone was alseep at the wheel at the DOT when they issued this plate. I'm sure some prisoner enjoyed making it. I wanted to wait until they came out of the store to see who would have such a plate, but I forgot my rape whistle.
This also proves my registration sticker theory. See #3
Friday, October 23, 2009
Thursday, October 22, 2009
I deem this truck, Purple Pride. From the fruity purple paint, to the shit brown stripe down the middle to the red colored cap, it's a kaleidoscope of bad taste. Nothing says bad ass 80's truck like a light purple paint job and mismatched rims. Either this person is extremely color blind or Elton John stopped by to help paint it.
All you need is Rob Halford riding on top in assless chaps and you'll have yourself a parade.
So, I'm driving home from work last night and I notice a big truck coming up behind me. The truck proceeds to follow about an inch from my bumper for about 3 miles. This is a 2 lane road, with no one else around and I'm in what would be considered the slow lane, so he could have gone in the other lane at any time. (I was going about 10 miles over the speed limit as well). I finally got pissed off and moved into the other lane. As he drove by me I noticed it was the 'Big Horn' edition Dodge pick'em up truck. He didn't get far before being stopped by a red light, so I was right next to him. He started to rev his engine in the BIG HORN and inch forward. Apparently, he needed to prove how big of a man he was by racing my 4 cyliner RAV4. It was obvious that he was just messing with me because I was driving a "foreign" car.
Every backward hick asshole driving a pickup truck has to act like a bad ass. I'm not impressed by your fake Hemi truck that's geared to tow a boat. I've decided that if these fit I'm going to be installing them into my RAV4:
I'll show this prick a big horn next time. A fucking train horn.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Rickie Weeks is going to KC for a fun size bag of Dorito's and a coupon to Burger Chef.
I fully expect this rumor to get legs and be on Bleacher report.
I'm psyched about the Burger Chef coupon. Somebody's totally getting a Big Chef Burger...
The Yankee's won but may have just cursed themselves by saying they will start to sell tickets to the World Series TODAY. How could God not make a team called the Angels beat these assholes?
On another note; I like how Sabathia is pitching awesome in the playoffs on 3 days rest. Where the fuck was that last year? Then again, we did use him like a rental car that you smoke in, eat whoppers with extra everything and do neutral drops.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
"I spent time in the minor leagues to prepare myself to pitch in the major leagues. High school is very similar to the minor leagues. Go to school and work hard. Don't skip out. School prepares you for something even more important. The game of life"
What he really wanted to say is: "Stay in school or I will rape you until the room stinks and then suffocate you with a plastic bag."
Monday, October 19, 2009
The look and smirk on this kids face said it all. I might as well have been asking where the fleshlights were.
TIP: Don't go googlin' Fleshlight at work. Wait till you're at the library!
CBS sports fucking blow. The production value and commentary is just garbage. You could put a lump of shit on the broadcast and it would have better insights than Phil Simms.
Counsell - 2010
Friday, October 16, 2009
Mike Burns was outrighted to Nashville to open a spot on the 40 man.
The Atro's are looking to do even worse in the future:
If my 2nd grade math skills are correct, only 128 days until pitchers and catchers report. Feburary 20th. It took me like 20 minutes to figure that out.
Tickets are going up a few bucks for next year for most areas. Brewers tickets are still 4$ under the national average. I'm more than willing to pay the few extra bucks to field a winning team. I'm chalking this year up as a speed bump...
God, please don't let the series be the Yankee's vs. Phillies. I don't know if I could watch that. I think I might hate the Phillies more than the Yankee's if that's possible. This may be due to the following formula:
Corey Hart + Jason Werth = Edge look alikes + tractor tattoos x too tall jones - bad hair + moronic statements +bad entrance music > an ugly wife = I hate the Phillies
The date itself was really funny too. The philanthropist/fullonrapist joke was ruined for me after seeing all the various previews for this season and episode so I knew it was coming. I should probably just stop watching previews all together. Speaking of which, next weeks with the Phillies whatever-the-fuck mascot vs. Greenman.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Tool #1 - Being totally overhyped
Tool#2 - Tasting exactly the same as the regular bacon burger that has been on the menu for 20 years.
Tool #3 - Having bacon that is neither applewood nor smoked and being so hard I have brain damage
Tool #4 - Looking exactly like the Whammy Burger from Falling Down
Tool #5 - Giving me 2 strips of dickhard bacon instead of the promised 4
Dave Thomas is rolling in his grave. (Mainly because he was fat)
Me – “We are in process of switching software”
Guy – “Avast!”
Me – “What?”
Guy - “Avast antivirus. it’s free”
Me- “Oh, I thought you were talking like a pirate. Like, Avast mate-e”
Guy - "No"
Me - "I like pirates"
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Mexican shower.... you're a life saver.
More updates on the way.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
I actually laughed when I heard some of the comments from players that said they were "Old School". Put down the steriods, don't use batting gloves, swing an ash bat, smoke a stogie before rounding the bases and give up the whirlpool. Then you'll be old school you douches.
Here's the original story on USA Today. It's under the 'Top News'
Otherwise, Haudricourt had a post about it:
Busy Bee, Worky Worky. Back to regular updates next week.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Fernando Cabrera - Red Sox -(not on Playoff roster)
Melky Cabrera - Yankees
Miguel Cabrera - Tigers
Orlando Cabrera - Twins
It would seem that a team needs a Cabrera to be competitive these days. I was all for the Mike Cameron for Melky Cabrera trade. Probably should have gone done the Melky way. I'm sure I would be watching the Brewers in the playoffs right now instead of Knight Rider season 1 on DVD.
To me this looks like someone took a shit and then pissed on the turd. For the most part there were good reasons to retire uniforms from this era. Those reasons are:
1. They were ugly
2. Shag Carpeting was all the rage
3. People did a lot of drugs
If the Bronco's want to wear a throw back Jersey why not this one?:
This helmet is awesome! It looks like a deranged retarded horse that wants to stomp your children at the petting zoo. Why is it seeing stars? It's probably the LSD kicking in. I can't imagine why this horse got put down...
Even the ref's are getting in on the act:
The Goodwill called. They're missing clothes from their fall hobo collection. Perhaps the mental acid addicted horse helped dress you?
If they are going to torture my eyes with the throw back jerseys they should at least play with the old school rules. Leather helmets, front end zone goal posts, legal face masks and a real pigskin.
Friday, October 9, 2009
Please do not force me to execute this contract. I have so much to live for.
-Drinking wine out of 80's Diet Coke cans - excellent stealth move. You can gesture wildly and not spill a drop!
-Charlie asking Frank during the intervention "Why don't we play Nightcrawlers anymore?"
-The apparent nods to "Intervention" the TV show: "Your drinking has effected me ANNOYINGLY in the following ways"
and of course
-Charlie salting The Snail
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Corey Patterson - You're old. fuck off.
Frank Catalanotto - I very much enjoyed rocking to the Outfields 'Your Love'. It made for great non-sanctioned and underappreciated drunken karaoke. Catalanotto went above and beyond what he was brought in to do. I was glad to see him in the outfield instead of turd ferguson. I would bet what's left of my liver that he will not be back next year.
Jason Bourgeois - He's fast and seems to be good defensively, but I just can't get excited about him. Unfortunetely, trades in the past few years have left us a bit thin in the outfield prospects, so he may be forced into a role that he is not ready for. I'd rather see us pick up someone in trade than try him next year.
Hernan Iribarren - I feel bad for Hernan. He's been relogated to the role of super senior minor league guy. He's got some speed, is good defensively and has always hit well in the minors. I think the Brewers see him the same as I do, a slap hitter. I've just never been on his bandwagon. I would assume we will lose him in the rule 5 eventually if we haven't moved him already. I think that's a great rule for players to get a new start somewhere else. Hopefully, he get's a shot somewhere I just don't think it will be in Milwaukee.
Mark DiFelice - I think by now we've all heard the story how DiFelice was ready to give up in the minors when he learned the cut-fastball. The pitch saved his career and has carried him to where he is now. The problem is, when he can't throw it for strikes it gets rough to watch. In the beginning of the year he was untouchable, but like most of the pitching staff he seemed to completely lose it after the All-Star break. I hope that he can come back next year healthy and with more stamina for a long season.
Mike Rivera - Perennial backup. I could never get all that excited about Rivera. He had a good year at the plate last year, but this time around he really seemed to suffer from lack of playing time. It's a difficult position to sit the bench and then be expected to immediate offense to the catcher position when Kendall is slumping. Rivera should have been left as the starting catcher a few years back instead of getting Johnny 'load of shit in my pants' Estrada. Also, As much as I like Kendall, when it's the 9th inning and you're down one run how can you not pinch hit Rivera? This scenario played out many times this season and each time I was screaming at the tv. This was one reason I started to dislike Macha. Rivera's future will depend on if the Brewers keep Kendall. If they do, I'm sure Rivera will be out and we'll be priming a young catcher.
Casey McGehee - There were so many great stories with the Brewers this year, but Casey is probably on the top of the list. I was at the game when his son threw out the first pitch and Casey hit the grand slam to more than make up for an earlier fielding error. I'm not one to get emotional in situations like that, but it was an awesome feeling. Everyone knows what he accomplished this year with limited playing time. He deserves to be rookie of the year, but the chances of that happening are slim. With the Brewers tanking there was very little national attention on Casey. McGehee or Gamel, who's gone? One of them is getting traded unless they trade Fielder and move McGehee to first.
Alcides Escobar - I was awaiting the arrival of Escobar for many moons. He seems to make crazy diving stabs and then have trouble with routine plays. His arm, while just as strong, is no where near as accurate as Hardy's. If he works on that you're looking at many gold gloves to come. His plate presence was a lot better than most people were expecting hitting around .300 for the year. If he continues to pull crazy plays directly from his ass and swing a hot bat next year he'll be the runaway rookie of the year. Book it.
Let me know if I missed someone.
Up next: Coaching staff grades
Maybe trade Fielder to the Bo Sox for pitching, and figure out one of those guys to take over first. Brewers have too many issues, and Fielder will not be here after his contract is up. No way in hell he stays.-Mr. Del Taco
October 7, 2009 10:31 AM
86 that idea Mr. Del Taco. Trade someone lesser than Prince to the Whitesox for either Gavin Floyd or John Danks. Both are solid and they already have Peavy and Burhle, however you spell his name, coming back. They can have Gamel, but they don't need him. They probably wouldn't mind Prince, but that would cost them both Floyd and Danks or Burhle and one of the younger guys. I think that is an option. I don't like the idea of Prince going, but managment does not seem keen on keeping him. His two year contract tells me that!
I wonder how much realistically it would cost to lock up Fielder long term? 100 millionish? I would say it's worth it. If you trade Fielder you lose part of the whole team dynamic along with 100 RBI and 40ish home runs every year. Is it worth getting one Ace pitcher plus a B side player and or some A ball prospects?
On the other hand if you don't deal Prince and he has another .300, 100 RBI and 45 HR year you're probably looking at the highest paid player in baseball come contract end. I doubt Fielder would even entertain an offer from the Crew with that kind of payday on the horizon especially being a Boras client.
It's a tough situation and I think the fans in Milwaukee are going to be left with a bad taste in their mouth with the outcome. I think we're going to see the true character of Fielder and I think it's made of money.
Holy shit, I don't even know where to start, this is amazing. I'm guessing this masterpiece started green being that the majority of it is that color, but how do you end up with this many mis-matched parts? Fred Sanford wouldn't even sell this kind of junk. Usually when you get parts from a junk yard you get bolts and shit. This person decided that bungie cords and a dolly tie down would be the best option for holding on the "new" hood. How bad was the other hood that this was a better option?! I guess I would have been more shocked if this actually had hub caps. What happens when the hood goes rocketing off into another vehicle? I'm sure they are fully insured...
This looks straight out of Escape from New York... Hurry Snake, the President is being held at Popeye's, you don't have much time.
The most amazing thing about this is that the tags are current!
Gamel has exactly 130 at bats after this season, so he will no longer be a rookie. I don't expect the Brewers to put solo achievements over team success, but the season was already long over when he took his last hack to get over ther rookie mark. What's the point in that? This is the cherry on top for how they mismanaged him all year.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Best of Casa - I've added a section containing some of my favorite posts. I'll add to this as we go. If you're new to the Casa that's a good place to start or enjoy the archives when I'm too busy to post.
New Layout - I changed the logo and format a few weeks back. I think it looks more clean now and is easier to read. I'm still looking for the perfect template where I can have stuff on both sides of the post window, so it may change again in the near future. I removed the ads as it was messing stuff up and looked stupid. Let me know what you think of the changes.
Casa de Machado Domain - We'll be moving to our own domain within the next few weeks, so you won't have to type the .blogspot.com any more. I'll post when this is completed.
Brewers End of Season Grades post will be up by Thursday. It's lengthy.
A big thanks to everyone who stops by and reads this trash,
C Jason Kendall
I'm a sad clown.
Then, there is the video. Holy hell what were they thinking. Little drummer boy outfits with random kids throwing glass jars of paint at a brick wall? It looks like the two of them just got off a 3 week heroin binge in the arctic where they were attacked by the Yeti. The hair is simply amazing. I've always hated videos shot on location... like a beach. Are you plugging in your guitar amp into a sea shell? It's like they paid a hobo $2 and a sandwich to film this.
Here is the video, enjoy.
The game itself turned out almost exactly like I figured it would minus the failed comeback at the end. Every time I see A-Hole play I hate him more. He makes these shitty crybaby bitch faces whenever things don't go his way. He was taken to school the whole first half. The second half he had some good passes, but they were more the play after the catch than the actual throw.
Seemed like a breakout game for Jordy Nelson with several catches including a touchdown and a nice kick return. I've always liked him. He just seems like a no non-sense hard working guy that gives it all every game. He reminds me of Bill Schroeder without the attitude and nose tape.
I think Woodson should go down and register as a sex offender after raping players all night. Woodson has always been a physical player, but that was like a Night at the Roxbury dry humping.
Is it me or do the Vikings have some of the ugliest fans ever? I thought I was watching an opera with all the fat dudes with face paint and horns. There was one in particular that actually startled me so much I jumped in my chair and almost spilled my drink. If you are running 350 and look like private Pile probably not the best idea to paint your face.
What was with the cheesehead viking hats? I think you're a bit confused. Bart Farve is not from Wisconsin you tools. If you are supporting his state you should be wearing a john deer hat, while banging your cousin and forgetting how to read.
Monday, October 5, 2009
He was not to be outdone by the twat bag guy eating by himself and asking a million questions about a salad. It's a fucking salad guy, it has lettuce and shit. You have bigger problems if you're eating at a restaurant by yourself on a friday night than if the Ranch is peppercorn.
I need to either just stay home or get medicated.
I'll be glad to hear Hells Bells for another year.
headache, dizziness, weakness, nausea, vomiting, chest pain, and confusion
She responded with this:
"What are the symptoms of not wanting to work on home projects to watch baseball?
Confusion, lack of energy & enthusiasm, hostility, anger, excessive complaining, faking headache, faking dizziness, faking loss of consciousness, faking chest tightness, faking airway constriction. Did you know you can die from not watching baseball? It’s true. Over 1 million people just like you have dropped dead from being held back from laying on the couch in their basement & watching baseball without even experiencing doing real work on their home projects."
Maybe it was a combination of both...
Brad Fischer is probably the worst 3rd base coach I have ever seen. I can remember no less than 5 games that he was directly responsible for us losing. I like Ed Sedar and it's obvious he has a good rapport with players, so I'm glad he's coming back. I think he's probably a lifer.
The other question that has not been answered is pitching and bullpen coach. Melvin was cryptic when discussing Bosio saying on one hand he has not made a decision and then stating he is already in the process of finding a replacement. I think Bosio has done a fine job in a tough situation. I feel he has earned the right to return in the same capacity. I have a feeling that Stan Kyles is out and Bosio will be brought back as the bullpen coach. I don't think Kyles has done anything to justify the axe, but it's one of those positions that it's difficult to prove your worth. People are expecting change and I think he will be a token choice.
Braun had a few things to say about the Club:
"We've been competitive, but ultimately our goal is to be more than competitive," said Braun, who came under fire from Melvin in early July for saying the Brewers needed to improve their pitching.
"It's going to be an interesting off-season. It could be a completely different look next year. The reality in a small market is there's a small window for us to win. We're not the Yankees or the Red Sox where you can have a $200 million payroll. That's why you have to go for it every chance you get. Every opportunity you have, you go for it. You go all in. That's my opinion. The goal shouldn't be to be competitive. The goal should be to win a World Series."
He should have prefaced that whole thing with "Obviously"
I don't think the team ever gave up, but it didn't seem like they had a fire lit under them since the All Star break. Even if you are the worst team in baseball you need to at least try to put a quality product on the field especially at home. Lot's of mental errors and what I would call lack of effort by certain players. If you want to improve next year the only thing that is going to get you there is money. You're only going to have the money by putting asses in the seats. Hitting the 3 million mark for attendance this year was obviously a bi-product of their playoff run last season. It's all but guaranteed that attendance will drop drastically next year unless they do some serious retooling in the offseason and come out swinging (or throwing) next April.
Friday, October 2, 2009
What the fuck is with people that put the stickers all over their license plates? I've been seeing this more and more lately. The person above not only put the stickers all over, but somehow has two 2009 stickers. Was the first one stolen and you finally got a legit one? (suspiciously, my 2009 sticker was stolen in this same area) This particular car was in the ghetto where I work. I think the license plate is suppose to say "Moola" or "Moolah" but this person didn't know how to spell it. Nothing spells Moolah like a ghetto fucking intrepid.
I digress... I have a theory that anyone putting the stickers all over has to be in one of these camps:
1. You are illiterate even with pictures and not able to read the instructions on the back of the sticker pack that clearly states where to place the sticker.
2. You are trying to "Stick it to" the man. The man has forced you to pay to register your vehicle and you feel this is unjust so you place the stickers improperly on purpose to get back at johnny law.
3. You are gay and trying to make a rainbow on your license plate. (not that there is anything wrong with that)
4. You like sudoku way too much.
5. You are afraid that the new sticker will not stick over the old one. You also don't realize that the glue on the back is so sticky it could hold a turd to silicone.
6. You think it's funny. You also drool a lot, breath through your mouth and have Nascar stickers or flames on your minivan.
Being that most people have the month sticker in the proper spot I think the majority of people fall under #5. Maybe there are other reasons? If you are someone who puts the stickers all over I would LOVE to hear your reasoning.
For future reference these are the clear and concise directions for applying your new registration stickers. These are on the back of every sticker pack. Not rocket science is it? No, I don't work for the DOT I just hate stupid people.
Take a look at this early season picture. Look at how many players were either dumped, traded, sent down or injured. We were doomed form the start.
Bill Hall - DFA'd
Chris Duffy - sent to AAA and left due to personal issues
Brad Nelson - DFA'd
Rickie Weeks - Whacked off too hard using a wrist weight and was on the DL all year
Seth McClung - On the DL for a good part of the season
Corey Hart - The air let out of his head. DL
J.J. Hardy - Went to AAA to hand out eye patches for a while
Craig Counsell - People used to laugh at me when I would say he is the greatest baseball player to ever live, now everyone agrees... Ok, maybe not, but at least they are willing to admit that boys got some skills. He's tailed off a little bit towards the end of the season here, but he also isn't getting much playing time with Megeeneeheegeenee via for ROY. What would we have done this year with Hardy and Hall sucking and Weeks going down? We would have had to make a call to the Ham. (Ray Durham). As always he's been clutch in pressure situation, taking walks and running up the count. He was batting over .300 for a good part of the season while showing a little more pop. I do miss his high stepping batting stance, but I'll take the good at bats instead. Counsell was quite a bargain at only 1 mil this year. He is 40 now, but I'd love to see him back next year. He is for real my favorite player of all time.
David Riske - Just kidding.
Trevor Hoffman - I love Hells Bells. I've never heard Miller park as loud as the first time I was there for Trevor Time. (I wasn't there for the playoffs or the final game last year, I'm sure those were louder) He's worth every penny. I believe he has only 2 blown saves? He came in as the greatest closer ever and he has held that moniker up nicely. Sounds like he wants to finish his career in Milwaukee and we'd love to have him. Book it.
I know there are a lot more bright spots, but this is really only part of my end of season grades post I'm working on that will be up next week. That will be an in depth and comical look at all players.
1. River crabbing is recession proof
2. Frank's neck is too thick making it impossible to hang himself
3. Selling vacuums and knifes door to door can be dangerous
4. Giving free beer to shanty town people is not a good business strategy
5. Vacuums are not made for shoes
6. Charlies uncle wants to wrestle him in an "Uncle" way
7. Dave & Busters is a good place to spend bailout cash