Friday, October 30, 2009


A classic episode last night about wrastling with Rowdy Roddy Piper as the "Maniac". Some hilarious parts:

Frank as the 'Garbage Man' eating trash and then puking in the can.

Frank giving the returning soldier a pair of jean shorts

The 'Maniac' having a bucket of chestnuts in his car

The 'Birds of War' entrance singing about protecting their eggs and screaming like eagles.

Artemis asking Sweet Dee if she got any dick picks because it could be a "Mess down there"

Pigs and Douches

I guess I should talk about sports for once. I've just been in a funk since the Brewers season officially ended. I've only been watching the Series on and off so far as I really hate both teams; however, I have decided that I am officially rooting for the Yankees. Partly because I'm an asshole, but mainly because I hate the Phillies that much. I've been really distracted while watching the games because I keep thinking about stuff like this.

Yeah, it's been really distracting....

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Putin - Man of Action

There are so many things off in this picture. Why is Putin scowling? Was he just told that he's eating cat shit? Is this the Tiger Woods of Korea? It looks like he just hit the links. Maybe that's Putin's caddy who carries his giant fork.

That looks like a nice chair. I could use it in my fart rotation.

Chair-iots of Fire

I've had this computer chair for many years. The back is all bent to shit after I got pissed off playing Counter Strike and had a tantrum. I figured it was time for a new chair. As my girlfriend was wheeling it out of the house she noted "This smells like old spaghetti" This reminded me of the work chair swap...

At a previous job I dropped so much ass in my chair that it started to smell rancid. I decided I would switch the visitor chair in my office with my own. Unfortunately, people started to comment on what the smell was when they would sit down. At this point I had already done some serious damage to the chair I had swapped for anyway, so it was time for a new plan, the 'Conference Room Switcharoo'. I started to rotate my chairs with the ones in the conference room next door. I would say after about a month I would need a fresh chair. Once in a while I would be in there for a meeting and people would comment on what the smell was. I would sit there stone faced and say "Yeah, what is that?".

So, sweety, remember that day you found 5 cheddar melt wrappers? Old Spaghetti!

Monday, October 26, 2009


Lucroy is beatin shit down in the AFL. I've been high on this kid for a while now. I still stand by my statement that he will be on the roster next year. I've never been on the Salome train. He just seems sqautty and injury prone.


Jeff Dugan of the Vikings who was clearly getting revenge from a previous tripping call knocked the
shit out of the back judge Richard Reels. He didn't just run into him, he shoved him as hard as possible. I would imagine there will be a fine for this? Although, that game had some of the worst officiating I have ever seen, so I could understand the frustration.

You can see the video here until they take it down:

Jimmy crack corn

Yankees - Phillies

A team that is always there vs. a team that was there last year. Exciting!

Don't care.


The Packers hammered the Browns, which brings us to this...

At first glance one might think this this person works at a planitarium. Then you see the rainbows and realize that pounding your ass like a drum is on the agenda. (not that there is anything wrong with.. oh to hell with it) Someone was alseep at the wheel at the DOT when they issued this plate. I'm sure some prisoner enjoyed making it. I wanted to wait until they came out of the store to see who would have such a plate, but I forgot my rape whistle.

This also proves my registration sticker theory. See #3

Friday, October 23, 2009

This is why I'm not a psychic

I guess I can throw this away now. My prediction before the year started was a Royals - Brewers World Series. I probably shouldn't be allowed to pick anything ever again. If you see me in a sports book, run.
Although, I must say until the end of June that pick was looking pretty good.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Junk Truck'n

The Big Horn asshole last night really got me going, so I figured it was time for another installment of Junk Truck'n.

I deem this truck, Purple Pride. From the fruity purple paint, to the shit brown stripe down the middle to the red colored cap, it's a kaleidoscope of bad taste. Nothing says bad ass 80's truck like a light purple paint job and mismatched rims. Either this person is extremely color blind or Elton John stopped by to help paint it.

All you need is Rob Halford riding on top in assless chaps and you'll have yourself a parade.

Big Horn, little brains

So, I'm driving home from work last night and I notice a big truck coming up behind me. The truck proceeds to follow about an inch from my bumper for about 3 miles. This is a 2 lane road, with no one else around and I'm in what would be considered the slow lane, so he could have gone in the other lane at any time. (I was going about 10 miles over the speed limit as well). I finally got pissed off and moved into the other lane. As he drove by me I noticed it was the 'Big Horn' edition Dodge pick'em up truck. He didn't get far before being stopped by a red light, so I was right next to him. He started to rev his engine in the BIG HORN and inch forward. Apparently, he needed to prove how big of a man he was by racing my 4 cyliner RAV4. It was obvious that he was just messing with me because I was driving a "foreign" car.

Every backward hick asshole driving a pickup truck has to act like a bad ass. I'm not impressed by your fake Hemi truck that's geared to tow a boat. I've decided that if these fit I'm going to be installing them into my RAV4:

I'll show this prick a big horn next time. A fucking train horn.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Trade Rumor

I heard from a source close to the Brewers that a trade is in the works.

Rickie Weeks is going to KC for a fun size bag of Dorito's and a coupon to Burger Chef.

I fully expect this rumor to get legs and be on Bleacher report.

I'm psyched about the Burger Chef coupon. Somebody's totally getting a Big Chef Burger...

Terrible Calls

last nights Yankees - Angels game showcased some of the worst officiating I have ever seen. A blown call on a pickoff play where Aybar clearly had Swisher dead to rights seemed to turn into a makeup call when Swisher was called out on appeal for leaving 2nd "too early" on the tag up. The worst call though was when Posada got caught in a run down between home and third trying to allow Cano to advance to 3rd. Angel's catcher Mike Napoli tagged Cano and Posada who were both standing off the base. How can you miss this call? Tim McClleland was standing 2 feet from the action and called Cano safe. Is there a new rule in baseball that says you can stand off the base when time has not been called that I'm not aware of? It's not the first time that dumbshit has missed easy calls. Time to take a hike fucko.

The Yankee's won but may have just cursed themselves by saying they will start to sell tickets to the World Series TODAY. How could God not make a team called the Angels beat these assholes?

On another note; I like how Sabathia is pitching awesome in the playoffs on 3 days rest. Where the fuck was that last year? Then again, we did use him like a rental car that you smoke in, eat whoppers with extra everything and do neutral drops.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Random shit out of a box

1982 Dwight Bernard? I have no idea who the fuck this guy is, but he looks like a cross between Mr. Magoo and BTK. On the back he states:

"I spent time in the minor leagues to prepare myself to pitch in the major leagues. High school is very similar to the minor leagues. Go to school and work hard. Don't skip out. School prepares you for something even more important. The game of life"

What he really wanted to say is: "Stay in school or I will rape you until the room stinks and then suffocate you with a plastic bag."

Monday, October 19, 2009

Embarrassing Moments with Clowny McClownerson

A trip to the grocery store for contact solution last night turned into a whole list of items from my girlfriend. So, I'm toward the end of the list and I see "Hand Lotion - Vasoline". Of course I couldn't for the life of me find the damn isle containing said lotion. I went up and down every hygiene isle 3 times. So, I was left with one choice.... Ask the 16 year old kid who worked there.

The look and smirk on this kids face said it all. I might as well have been asking where the fleshlights were.

TIP: Don't go googlin' Fleshlight at work. Wait till you're at the library!

New England ass whooping

This is an awesome picture of Billy Bob Brady. He looks like he should have starred in Sling Blade. I'm surprised Bill Belichick wasn't wearing his usual cutoff K-mart sweatshirt. Then again, he can hide more video equipment in his winter coat...

I hate the Patriots, but I must say that I was enjoying watching the Patriots beating the shit out of the Titans in a snow storm in October. Again with the retro uniforms, but I actually like the old Patriots logo much better. CBS decided to switch games saying "Well, it's obvious what the outcome of this game will be" and then went to the Bills game! I was quite pissed off. Was it only DirectTV that did this? I was able to watch second half being that I have NFL Sunday Ticket, but if I didn't have that I would have been stuck watching a shitty Bill's game.

CBS sports fucking blow. The production value and commentary is just garbage. You could put a lump of shit on the broadcast and it would have better insights than Phil Simms.

Another reason Counsell is awesome

Counsell - 2010

Friday, October 16, 2009

Crew Updates

Both Looper and Counsell had surgery to repair a torn meniscuss in their right knees. I Would be surprised if both were not back with the Brewers next year. Counsell is a free agent, but will most likely not come as cheap as last year given his contributions this past season. Looper has a mutual option.

Mike Burns was outrighted to Nashville to open a spot on the 40 man.

The Atro's are looking to do even worse in the future:

If my 2nd grade math skills are correct, only 128 days until pitchers and catchers report. Feburary 20th. It took me like 20 minutes to figure that out.

Tickets are going up a few bucks for next year for most areas. Brewers tickets are still 4$ under the national average. I'm more than willing to pay the few extra bucks to field a winning team. I'm chalking this year up as a speed bump...

God, please don't let the series be the Yankee's vs. Phillies. I don't know if I could watch that. I think I might hate the Phillies more than the Yankee's if that's possible. This may be due to the following formula:

Corey Hart + Jason Werth = Edge look alikes + tractor tattoos x too tall jones - bad hair + moronic statements +bad entrance music > an ugly wife = I hate the Phillies

Milk steaks

Sunny last night was awesome. My favorite part had to be when they were trying to set up a profile for Charlie and they asked him his favorite food ("milk steaks"), hobbies, and likes and dislikes (dislikes - knees). I forget all of the particulars, but I laughed my ass off at this whole scene.

The date itself was really funny too. The philanthropist/fullonrapist joke was ruined for me after seeing all the various previews for this season and episode so I knew it was coming. I should probably just stop watching previews all together. Speaking of which, next weeks with the Phillies whatever-the-fuck mascot vs. Greenman.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Worlds Worst Recipe

What the fuck does dough have to do with making swedish meatballs? Take ANY other dough? So, cookie dough then? Where's the sauce shithead? Also, thanks for emphasizing FRYING PAN because I was going to cook the shit in a helmet. Who the hell boils meatballs? Is this 'Better off dead?
Fuck you Benson. You're an asshole.

Wendy's Bacon Deluxe Burger - 5 tools

Tool #1 - Being totally overhyped

Tool#2 - Tasting exactly the same as the regular bacon burger that has been on the menu for 20 years.

Tool #3 - Having bacon that is neither applewood nor smoked and being so hard I have brain damage

Tool #4 - Looking exactly like the Whammy Burger from Falling Down

Tool #5 - Giving me 2 strips of dickhard bacon instead of the promised 4

Dave Thomas is rolling in his grave. (Mainly because he was fat)

Awesome Work Conversations

Guy – “My antivirus is out of date. Is there any way to fix that?”

Me – “We are in process of switching software”

Guy – “Avast!”

Me – “What?”

Guy - “Avast antivirus. it’s free”

Me- “Oh, I thought you were talking like a pirate. Like, Avast mate-e”

Guy - "No"

Me - "I like pirates"

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Warsh up

Have you ever forgotten the one crucial step in the morning of putting on deodorant? Then, around 1:30PM, you start getting a little ripe and realize your omission?

Mexican shower.... you're a life saver.

More updates on the way.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Top 10 Highlights

Prince Fielders walk off where the team fell over at the plate made the USA Today top 10 "curtain call" highlights for 2009. I like how when it happened everyone thought it was terrible and it pissed off all the "old school" players, but now when they look back it's a highlight.

I actually laughed when I heard some of the comments from players that said they were "Old School". Put down the steriods, don't use batting gloves, swing an ash bat, smoke a stogie before rounding the bases and give up the whirlpool. Then you'll be old school you douches.

Here's the original story on USA Today. It's under the 'Top News'

Otherwise, Haudricourt had a post about it:

Busy Bee, Worky Worky. Back to regular updates next week.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

The Cabrera Effect

Looking at the lineups for the MLB teams who made the playoffs and even teams that were in the running util the end, one thing stands out:

Fernando Cabrera - Red Sox -(not on Playoff roster)

Melky Cabrera - Yankees

Miguel Cabrera - Tigers

Orlando Cabrera - Twins

It would seem that a team needs a Cabrera to be competitive these days. I was all for the Mike Cameron for Melky Cabrera trade. Probably should have gone done the Melky way. I'm sure I would be watching the Brewers in the playoffs right now instead of Knight Rider season 1 on DVD.

Throw Back, Blow Back

Watching the Patriots vs. Bronco's game this weekend really got me thinking how out of hand the whole throw back idea has gotten. Most of these uniforms are God aweful. For instance, the Broncos 1960's uniforms they wore on Sunday:

To me this looks like someone took a shit and then pissed on the turd. For the most part there were good reasons to retire uniforms from this era. Those reasons are:

1. They were ugly
2. Shag Carpeting was all the rage
3. People did a lot of drugs

If the Bronco's want to wear a throw back Jersey why not this one?:

This helmet is awesome! It looks like a deranged retarded horse that wants to stomp your children at the petting zoo. Why is it seeing stars? It's probably the LSD kicking in. I can't imagine why this horse got put down...

Even the ref's are getting in on the act:

The Goodwill called. They're missing clothes from their fall hobo collection. Perhaps the mental acid addicted horse helped dress you?

If they are going to torture my eyes with the throw back jerseys they should at least play with the old school rules. Leather helmets, front end zone goal posts, legal face masks and a real pigskin.

Friday, October 9, 2009

Drastic Measures

I am very disturbed by the Braun trade rumors. Even if they are all a ploy by dipshit Witrado, I feel compelled to do something to insure Braun stays in Milwaukee. I have composed the following ultimatum for the Brewers front office:

Please do not force me to execute this contract. I have so much to live for.

Always Sunny

Classic episode last night - best of the season. A couple quick highlights for me (off the top of my head):

-Drinking wine out of 80's Diet Coke cans - excellent stealth move. You can gesture wildly and not spill a drop!
-Charlie asking Frank during the intervention "Why don't we play Nightcrawlers anymore?"
-The apparent nods to "Intervention" the TV show: "Your drinking has effected me ANNOYINGLY in the following ways"

and of course

-Charlie salting The Snail

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

End of Season Player Report

I've already covered some players in a previous post so I threw those in first. And we're off...
Prince Fielder - Had what most would consider a career year breaking the Brewers all time RBI and walk record in the process while belting 44 home runs thus far. I would say it's all but assured that Pujols will get the NL MVP, but Prince will get some votes. A very tough decision to come on what to do with Prince, but that's another post.

Ryan Braun - I will admit that I'm a bit biased on Braun being that I have a weird obsession with him that boardlines on a man crush... I love his stick. (what!? Wow) Once again I think Braun has shown why the franchise should be built around him. Back over .300 for this year with over 30 home runs, a .385 OBP and a possible 200 hit season. A few hiccups this year with his candor during interviews, but I can't fault the guy for being honest and in hindsite being 100% accurate about the pitching. I have a feeling Braun will finish his career in Milwaukee.

Todd Coffey - From the time he sprints out to the Ultimate Warrior music with his bologna tits flopping to when he stikes out the side, it's all good. Besides a slight rough patch a few weeks back he has been solid all year. He's been a work horse appearing in over 75 games and 80 innings. His nasty slider has struck out some of the best in the game this year. Drafted in the 41st round I would say he has achieved more than anyone expected.

Craig Counsell - People used to laugh at me when I would say he is the greatest baseball player to ever live, now everyone agrees... Ok, maybe not, but at least they are willing to admit that boys got some skills. He's tailed off a little bit towards the end of the season here, but he also isn't getting much playing time with Megeeneeheegeenee via for ROY. What would we have done this year with Hardy and Hall sucking and Weeks going down? We would have had to make a call to the Ham. (Ray Durham). As always he's been clutch in pressure situation, taking walks and running up the count. He was batting over .300 for a good part of the season while showing a little more pop. I do miss his high stepping batting stance, but I'll take the good at bats instead. Counsell was quite a bargain at only 1 mil this year. He is 40 now, but I'd love to see him back next year. He is for real my favorite player of all time.

David Riske - I don't think his injury really affected the bullpen that much. The main problem this year was the starting pitching and bullpen held their own. I doubt he would have come back in any kind of form to really contribute anyway. He really started to suck toward the end of 2008 before he went down. I would put him up there with the Scott Linebrink trade.

Trevor Hoffman - I love Hells Bells. I've never heard Miller park as loud as the first time I was there for Trevor Time. (I wasn't there for the playoffs or the final game last year, I'm sure those were louder) He's worth every penny. I believe he has only 2 blown saves? He came in as the greatest closer ever and he has held that moniker up nicely. Sounds like he wants to finish his career in Milwaukee and we'd love to have him. Book it.

Rickie Weeks - Before blowing out his second wrist from aggressive auto-erotic behavior Weeks was having a "good" season. He was already starting to tail off just before his injury and I can only assume he would have taken a dive back to his ACTUAL potential level. I've never drank the Kool-Aid on him and I never will. I really believe that what you've seen is what you'll get. There isn't some All-Star player waiting to break out. He's a somewhat below average player that was pushed hard because of his high draft. This offseason is the perfect time to move Dick Reeks for some pitching. I would assume even with the injury his trade value is at an all time high with his early year play.

Ring a ding ding... "Jack Z here" - Melvin - "Have I got a deal for you!"

Mike Burns - Burns gave us exactly what I would expect from a 30 year old lifetime minor leaguer... Erratic with sparks of good stuff. He was really given a shot this year and at times looked ok as a starter. I liked the way he stepped in and he did what he could to keep games close. If I remember correctly the time frame when he was starting was the same time the whole team was slumping in the way of runs. He was a servicable pitcher and ate up innings when called upon. With the retooling and general scrutiny over the pitching staff I wouldnt' expect him on the roster next year.

Dave Bush - It took a long time for Dave Bush to grow on me. When he came over in the Overbay trade I wasn't really expecting him to be in the starting rotation. I actually used to kind of hate him because Yost would refer to him as a "Scrapper". I hate that term because it basically means that someone gets into trouble all the fucking time and has to throw perfect pitches to get out of it. Over time I started to really like his work ethic, attitude and his crazy curve. The second half of last year he beat shit down and carried that into the playoffs where he was the only Brewers pitcher to beat the Phillies. He carried that momentum into this year, but was derailed by the shot off his bicep. I don't think his bad pitching after returning was due to a physical ailment, but more that he has become a head case kinda like Matt Wise and I don't think he'll be the same. I don't think he'll be in the starting rotation next year and being that he normally has a rough first inning he's no use in the bullpen.

Yovani Gallardo - I heard various views on him this year all the way from Ace to not even a 3. I think that's idiotic, without a doubt he is an ace. He had a few rough games this year, but for the most part he was very impressive. He had a pitching core around him that was sucking shit all year and got totally screwed with the Crew not able to score more than 1 or 2 runs on multiple occasions. Now, that being said I would like to see us bring in an established Ace and have Gallardo as a #2. I think that was a lot of pressure this year on a young pitcher coming off an year on the sidelines. Let him pitch his game and become an ace when he's ready. This kid has a great future and it's time to lock him up long term.

Braden Looper - Looper came out ape shit in the beginning, but came back to earth shortly there after. He had 14 wins, but gave up 39 HR's to lead the majors. The HR's were getting tough to watch toward the end. The thing I liked about him though was that you would normally know what you were getting. I'd rather know a guy is going to give up 3-4 runs than have erratic bullshit. It was going to be a game where the Brewers would have to score some runs, but he would normally keep us in the game. That's really all I was expecting from him this season. I disagree with those who compare him to Suppan. He had twice the wins and even though he also a nibbler he has much better control. I have a feeling he will be back next year in the starting lineup.

Seth McClung - I'll never forget him running around in the bullpen going nuts when Braun hit the bomb in '08 in the final game. That image is burned in my head for some reason. It just seemed so genuine. I think Seth has become a fan favorite and if you have seen any of his Twitter stuff you would know why. He seems like a really good guy and wants to stay in Milwaukee. He had an up and down season with some real rough patches, but that all seemed to come about after being thrown into the starting rotation and then removed. It seemed like that may have gotten in his head. I would rather see Seth in a reliever role as that is where I think he is best suited. I see him in pressure situations like Coffey with someone saying "Strike this mother fucker out" and blowing someones doors off with 3 straight heaters. I would love to see him back in 2010, but his forthcoming salary may prevent that. has started a bring back Seth Facebook group if you're interested: (You have to be logged into your account first) If Seth goes elsewhere than I wish you luck and I'll be pulling for you no matter where you go. (unless it's the Yankees..)

Manny Parra - I don't know what to say about Parra as I have yet to figure him out. He seems to be going down the same path as Rickie Weeks whereas everyone speaks so highly of his ability, but he really has yet to prove anything. He's still young, but I honestly don't think he will get it together in Milwaukee. I think a change of teams / coaches would go a long way for his career. I think we should and probably will deal him in the offseason packaged for another pitcher. Also, His ego seems to maybe have gotten way bigger than his ability. I don't know why, but that's the way I see him.

Jason Kendall - I always have and I always will like Jason Kendall. I don't know exactly why, it's not just because I see him as a hobo in my dreams... He just seems like a no non-sense get down to business guy. His batting average was down this year as was his throw out percentage causing Mike Rivera to get more playing time. It seemed like he was pressing from the beginning and swinging a lot harder. He just wasn't the same this year as far as running up the counts and taking walks. I didn't really compare the stats, but I'm sure he struck out a lot more this year. I am one of those believers in what he brings to the team other than his hitting. I really do believe that he calls games and manages pitchers better than other catchers. I'm probably going to get stoned for this but... I want to see him back next year, but probably in a lessor capacity. We need a veteran catcher to work with our future catcher, Jonathan Lucroy who I believe will be starting next year. Plus, he's hobotastic and this blog will seriously suffer if he leaves. What the fuck am I going to post about?!

J.J. Hardy - I'm not sure what happened to Hardy this year, as he came out raking the shit out of everything in spring. His swift decline offensively and subsequent trip to AAA made the decision of him or Escobar that much easier (for some). Players do have down years, but that was brutal. I still like JJ and I think he is great defensively. As we saw towards the end of the year Hardy has a much more accurate arm than Escobar. Hardy's range is also surprising given his size and speed. I don't think the decision to trade JJ is as easy as everyone thinks. Yes, Escobar has shown he is a more than viable option at short, but that was a small sampling. After the way this season went I think that both Escobar and Hardy are fair game for trade. I wouldn't put Escobar on the do not trade list just yet. let's see what's out there. Hardy is going to rebound next year where ever he plays, I give it the Clown gaurantee. If we trade him I hope he remembers to pack plenty of eye patches for the new city whores.

Felipe Lopez - The trade for Lopez really didn't get the credit it deserved, probably because we were already in the downward spiral. It may also be that the Brewers only seem to give a shit about home runs. All Lopez did was knocked the cover off the ball since the trade. He was banged up from the start, which I think was the main cause for his shoddy defense. Lopez has been a solid defensive infielder and a stolen base threat throughout his career, neither of which we really got to see. There is no way Lopez is back next year. The Rickie Weeks experiment is set to continue as long is Melvin is at the helm.

Mitch Stetter - Stetter filled the hole left by the departure of Shouse very well and was untouchable earlier in the season capturing the team record for most consecutive strikeouts. His sweeping pitches made south paws look silly early on. He seemed to tire and lose his edge after the All-Star break. I think hitters started to catch onto his different side arm style after a few looks. Mitch needs to be back next year and I think this full season in the pen gave him the experience and the stamina to be even more competitive next season.

Mat Gamel - Gamel had a rough go of it, that's for sure. He did show that he has a lot of power blasting several home runs that were Fielder-esque including one directly to center field 400. You could tell he was really pressing from the start and just wasn't swinging right. Towards the end of the season it was mentioned that his swing had changed from last season when he raked in Nashville. He has decided to go down to Winter ball to work on his swing and figure out whatever changed. As mentioned before I feel he was mis-managed this year. I don't think he should have been kept up to sit the bench while struggling to find his swing. The topper was when I found out that he had exactly 130 at bats pushing him beyond rookie status for next season.

Jeff Suppan - This could possibly go down as the worst Brewers fuck up ever. I can't believe we have to suffer through one more year of this shit. Suppan may be a great guy and do a lot for charity, but it's not enough to sway me. As bad as he's been he should give next years whole salary to charity. At least Gagne admitted he sucked, said he didn't deserve the money and bought a bunch of free seats for fans. I realize there wasn't a lot out there for pitching when we signed Suppan, but was it necessary to sign him for this damn long? I want to go eat at his restaurant, order soup and then send it back with a note:

"This soup is cold just like your arm
PS. Your crackers suck too. (by crackers I mean fuck you)
PSS. Rookie ball called, you just got cut."

Carlos Villanueva - Carlos has been up and down this year like most years in the past. He had a great second half after growing his awesome fu manchu. It seems like Villanueva has been with the Brewers forever. I'm too lazy to look, but he must be in arbitration this year. I would say he's a valuable part of the bullpen as an innings eater and I think they should stop tinkering with him as a starter. He's usually a quiet guy that gets the job done. I only remember him speaking out once in early '08 about not getting enough relief opportunities. I think he's a lock for the roster next year.

Mike Cameron - America's most average baseball player. He made some good plays this year, the jumping HR robbing catch at the wall comes to mind. Even still, he is no where near worth 10 million dollars. I was planning a different post showing other players making around 10 million and how they compare. I'm sure it will make me even more angry. It seemed to me that he was trying just a bit harder towards the end of this contract year hitting bombs and making crazy diving catches. Where the fuck was that when in counted? If he's back next year I'm probably going to have some type of aneurysm and shit myself. Go use your jedi mind tricks to fool another team. This isn't the team you are looking for, move along...

Corey Hart - Fuck you, you hillbilly goat porking retard. You're dead to me. I would trade you for a pack of fruit stripe gum.

Jody Gerut - Man, did I hate on this guy when he first came on board. I even compared him to stinky garbage. In the end, he really turned it around and finally showed some of the power he was billed to have. I seriously think Gerut is the center fielder next year. I'm not saying I agree with this, I just think Melvin and others have a massive hard on for him. I would trade the shit out of him ASAP.

Corey Patterson - You're old. fuck off.

Frank Catalanotto - I very much enjoyed rocking to the Outfields 'Your Love'. It made for great non-sanctioned and underappreciated drunken karaoke. Catalanotto went above and beyond what he was brought in to do. I was glad to see him in the outfield instead of turd ferguson. I would bet what's left of my liver that he will not be back next year.

Jason Bourgeois - He's fast and seems to be good defensively, but I just can't get excited about him. Unfortunetely, trades in the past few years have left us a bit thin in the outfield prospects, so he may be forced into a role that he is not ready for. I'd rather see us pick up someone in trade than try him next year.

Hernan Iribarren - I feel bad for Hernan. He's been relogated to the role of super senior minor league guy. He's got some speed, is good defensively and has always hit well in the minors. I think the Brewers see him the same as I do, a slap hitter. I've just never been on his bandwagon. I would assume we will lose him in the rule 5 eventually if we haven't moved him already. I think that's a great rule for players to get a new start somewhere else. Hopefully, he get's a shot somewhere I just don't think it will be in Milwaukee.

Mark DiFelice - I think by now we've all heard the story how DiFelice was ready to give up in the minors when he learned the cut-fastball. The pitch saved his career and has carried him to where he is now. The problem is, when he can't throw it for strikes it gets rough to watch. In the beginning of the year he was untouchable, but like most of the pitching staff he seemed to completely lose it after the All-Star break. I hope that he can come back next year healthy and with more stamina for a long season.

Mike Rivera - Perennial backup. I could never get all that excited about Rivera. He had a good year at the plate last year, but this time around he really seemed to suffer from lack of playing time. It's a difficult position to sit the bench and then be expected to immediate offense to the catcher position when Kendall is slumping. Rivera should have been left as the starting catcher a few years back instead of getting Johnny 'load of shit in my pants' Estrada. Also, As much as I like Kendall, when it's the 9th inning and you're down one run how can you not pinch hit Rivera? This scenario played out many times this season and each time I was screaming at the tv. This was one reason I started to dislike Macha. Rivera's future will depend on if the Brewers keep Kendall. If they do, I'm sure Rivera will be out and we'll be priming a young catcher.

Casey McGehee - There were so many great stories with the Brewers this year, but Casey is probably on the top of the list. I was at the game when his son threw out the first pitch and Casey hit the grand slam to more than make up for an earlier fielding error. I'm not one to get emotional in situations like that, but it was an awesome feeling. Everyone knows what he accomplished this year with limited playing time. He deserves to be rookie of the year, but the chances of that happening are slim. With the Brewers tanking there was very little national attention on Casey. McGehee or Gamel, who's gone? One of them is getting traded unless they trade Fielder and move McGehee to first.

Alcides Escobar - I was awaiting the arrival of Escobar for many moons. He seems to make crazy diving stabs and then have trouble with routine plays. His arm, while just as strong, is no where near as accurate as Hardy's. If he works on that you're looking at many gold gloves to come. His plate presence was a lot better than most people were expecting hitting around .300 for the year. If he continues to pull crazy plays directly from his ass and swing a hot bat next year he'll be the runaway rookie of the year. Book it.

Let me know if I missed someone.

Up next: Coaching staff grades


An interesting conversation going on in the comments section that is worth it's own post.

Anonymous said...
Maybe trade Fielder to the Bo Sox for pitching, and figure out one of those guys to take over first. Brewers have too many issues, and Fielder will not be here after his contract is up. No way in hell he stays.-Mr. Del Taco

October 7, 2009 10:31 AM

Garcia said...
86 that idea Mr. Del Taco. Trade someone lesser than Prince to the Whitesox for either Gavin Floyd or John Danks. Both are solid and they already have Peavy and Burhle, however you spell his name, coming back. They can have Gamel, but they don't need him. They probably wouldn't mind Prince, but that would cost them both Floyd and Danks or Burhle and one of the younger guys. I think that is an option. I don't like the idea of Prince going, but managment does not seem keen on keeping him. His two year contract tells me that!


I wonder how much realistically it would cost to lock up Fielder long term? 100 millionish? I would say it's worth it. If you trade Fielder you lose part of the whole team dynamic along with 100 RBI and 40ish home runs every year. Is it worth getting one Ace pitcher plus a B side player and or some A ball prospects?

On the other hand if you don't deal Prince and he has another .300, 100 RBI and 45 HR year you're probably looking at the highest paid player in baseball come contract end. I doubt Fielder would even entertain an offer from the Crew with that kind of payday on the horizon especially being a Boras client.

It's a tough situation and I think the fans in Milwaukee are going to be left with a bad taste in their mouth with the outcome. I think we're going to see the true character of Fielder and I think it's made of money.

Junk Truck'n - Junk Van'n

When I saw this van I teared up a little. It's like my personal white whale and I felt blessed to have experienced such a feat of Junk Van'n in the wild:

Holy shit, I don't even know where to start, this is amazing. I'm guessing this masterpiece started green being that the majority of it is that color, but how do you end up with this many mis-matched parts? Fred Sanford wouldn't even sell this kind of junk. Usually when you get parts from a junk yard you get bolts and shit. This person decided that bungie cords and a dolly tie down would be the best option for holding on the "new" hood. How bad was the other hood that this was a better option?! I guess I would have been more shocked if this actually had hub caps. What happens when the hood goes rocketing off into another vehicle? I'm sure they are fully insured...

This looks straight out of Escape from New York... Hurry Snake, the President is being held at Popeye's, you don't have much time.

The most amazing thing about this is that the tags are current!

Escobar to retain rookie status for 2010

Alcides Escobar will be a rookie again in 2010 being that he was under the 130 cumulative at bats and 45 day roster limits. Escobar checked in with 125 AB and 19 days on the roster prior to the September call up period. This means he can win rookie of the year next season while he collects his first of many Gold Gloves.

Gamel has exactly 130 at bats after this season, so he will no longer be a rookie. I don't expect the Brewers to put solo achievements over team success, but the season was already long over when he took his last hack to get over ther rookie mark. What's the point in that? This is the cherry on top for how they mismanaged him all year.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Site Updates

New Search Feature - You can now type in a key word(s) where it says 'Search Casa de Machado' and it will find all the posts pertaining to your search. It's setup to only search this site.

Best of Casa - I've added a section containing some of my favorite posts. I'll add to this as we go. If you're new to the Casa that's a good place to start or enjoy the archives when I'm too busy to post.

New Layout - I changed the logo and format a few weeks back. I think it looks more clean now and is easier to read. I'm still looking for the perfect template where I can have stuff on both sides of the post window, so it may change again in the near future. I removed the ads as it was messing stuff up and looked stupid. Let me know what you think of the changes.

Casa de Machado Domain - We'll be moving to our own domain within the next few weeks, so you won't have to type the any more. I'll post when this is completed.

Brewers End of Season Grades post will be up by Thursday. It's lengthy.

A big thanks to everyone who stops by and reads this trash,


Tuesday Lineup

2B Zoloft
RF Prozac
LF Paxil
1B Wellbutrin
3B Effexor
CF Nardil
SS Pamelor
P Sinequan
C Jason Kendall

I'm a sad clown.

Amazing song -Terrible video

The song Out in the fields by Gary Moore and Phil Lynott (RIP), formally of Thin Lizzy, is a masterpiece of 80's rock. The guitar solo by Gary Moore is short yet widely regarded as one of the best of the genre as far as tone, speed and general awesomeness. Gary Moore kinda looks like a retarded Mick Jagger in this picture.

Then, there is the video. Holy hell what were they thinking. Little drummer boy outfits with random kids throwing glass jars of paint at a brick wall? It looks like the two of them just got off a 3 week heroin binge in the arctic where they were attacked by the Yeti. The hair is simply amazing. I've always hated videos shot on location... like a beach. Are you plugging in your guitar amp into a sea shell? It's like they paid a hobo $2 and a sandwich to film this.

Here is the video, enjoy.

Rook-Hee of the Year

Meegeeneeheegeenee should be rookie of the year. Stats don't lie. Plus he's a great story. If you bastards don't vote for him than you have no heart, you hate handicapped children and you are going straight to hell...

A Side by Side Comparison


Super crazy ultimate mega amazing Packers blitzkrieg update

For all the hype it turned out to be a pretty good game. I really thought I was done supporting Favre, but when he took the field I found myself rooting for him. If I were still a total Packer fan watching at home I would have been pissed off about the Favre love fest the whole broadcast. It went just short of the announcers getting on their knees to service Brett. All the montages and video snippets were just a tad overboard.

The game itself turned out almost exactly like I figured it would minus the failed comeback at the end. Every time I see A-Hole play I hate him more. He makes these shitty crybaby bitch faces whenever things don't go his way. He was taken to school the whole first half. The second half he had some good passes, but they were more the play after the catch than the actual throw.

Seemed like a breakout game for Jordy Nelson with several catches including a touchdown and a nice kick return. I've always liked him. He just seems like a no non-sense hard working guy that gives it all every game. He reminds me of Bill Schroeder without the attitude and nose tape.

I think Woodson should go down and register as a sex offender after raping players all night. Woodson has always been a physical player, but that was like a Night at the Roxbury dry humping.
Al Harris looked totally lost as usual. I don't understand why people like him so much, he gets burned more than pompei. Even the broadcasters were making comments about how lost he looked. For all the shit talking Barnett and others on the defense were doing they did nothing. Favre could have ordered a pizza and fucked your mom by the time they broke through the line.

Is it me or do the Vikings have some of the ugliest fans ever? I thought I was watching an opera with all the fat dudes with face paint and horns. There was one in particular that actually startled me so much I jumped in my chair and almost spilled my drink. If you are running 350 and look like private Pile probably not the best idea to paint your face.

What was with the cheesehead viking hats? I think you're a bit confused. Bart Farve is not from Wisconsin you tools. If you are supporting his state you should be wearing a john deer hat, while banging your cousin and forgetting how to read.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Monday Lineup


Burning Man at Outback

I was at Outback Steak House on Friday night when a group of what were the dirtiest people I've seen in quite some time came into the bar area. There were I think 6 of them, each one further down the dirtyness scale. The one pictured below had dreadlocks down to his ass. I've never seen dreadlocks that long. I can only imagine how many lice are growing in your non-washable shit incrusted hair. He was also wearing a flannel that was so ratty it looked like he dug it up out of Kurt Cobain's grave. Not that you have to dress up for the Outback, but you should at least wash your ass out. Here's a news flash for you; You're 19 years old not 60 and thus NOT a Hippie only a dirty loser. I left a tip for the bartender and I'm pretty sure they stole it.

He was not to be outdone by the twat bag guy eating by himself and asking a million questions about a salad. It's a fucking salad guy, it has lettuce and shit. You have bigger problems if you're eating at a restaurant by yourself on a friday night than if the Ranch is peppercorn.

I need to either just stay home or get medicated.

Hoffman signs for 2010

According to ESPN Hoffman has agreed to terms for next season. The deal is for 8 million with a mutual option for 2011.

I'll be glad to hear Hells Bells for another year.

Home Repair

A crappy day yesterday at the Clown abode working on the house only allowed me time to watch the Brewer game in bits and pieces. (It did however allow for plenty of time to argue with my girlfriend, all day long) I was installing some new quarter rounds and base boards. I don't have a finishing nail gun, so I had to rent one from the Depot of Home. I've used the same nailgun several times before and never had any issues, but never for this length of time. For whatever reason I started feeling totally sick. The gun runs on a propane gas cartridge and after reading the package found it creates carbon monoxide exhaust. I was feeling really goofy, weak and had some chest pains. My girlfriend did not believe I was sick and accused me of not wanting to work because the last Brewer game of the season was on. I ended up finishing the project and after getting some fresh air I felt much better. This morning I did a little more digging on carbon monoxide poisoning and found the following symptoms which I then emailed to my girlfriend:

headache, dizziness, weakness, nausea, vomiting, chest pain, and confusion

She responded with this:

"What are the symptoms of not wanting to work on home projects to watch baseball?
Confusion, lack of energy & enthusiasm, hostility, anger, excessive complaining, faking headache, faking dizziness, faking loss of consciousness, faking chest tightness, faking airway constriction. Did you know you can die from not watching baseball? It’s true. Over 1 million people just like you have dropped dead from being held back from laying on the couch in their basement & watching baseball without even experiencing doing real work on their home projects."

Maybe it was a combination of both...

Few coaching changes for next season

Melvin has made the decision to retain the services of Macha, Randolph, Sveum, Brad Fischer and Ed Sedar. Randolph will probably be looking for a manager gig in the offseason, so I wouldn't be surprised if he bolts. In that case I would assume Sveum would be moved back up to bench coach. My concerns over Macha returning have been voiced in the past and are mainly due to player morale and interactions as well as management of pitching staff and not using the speed on the team to manufacture runs.

Brad Fischer is probably the worst 3rd base coach I have ever seen. I can remember no less than 5 games that he was directly responsible for us losing. I like Ed Sedar and it's obvious he has a good rapport with players, so I'm glad he's coming back. I think he's probably a lifer.

The other question that has not been answered is pitching and bullpen coach. Melvin was cryptic when discussing Bosio saying on one hand he has not made a decision and then stating he is already in the process of finding a replacement. I think Bosio has done a fine job in a tough situation. I feel he has earned the right to return in the same capacity. I have a feeling that Stan Kyles is out and Bosio will be brought back as the bullpen coach. I don't think Kyles has done anything to justify the axe, but it's one of those positions that it's difficult to prove your worth. People are expecting change and I think he will be a token choice.

Braun had a few things to say about the Club:

"We've been competitive, but ultimately our goal is to be more than competitive," said Braun, who came under fire from Melvin in early July for saying the Brewers needed to improve their pitching.

"It's going to be an interesting off-season. It could be a completely different look next year. The reality in a small market is there's a small window for us to win. We're not the Yankees or the Red Sox where you can have a $200 million payroll. That's why you have to go for it every chance you get. Every opportunity you have, you go for it. You go all in. That's my opinion. The goal shouldn't be to be competitive. The goal should be to win a World Series."

He should have prefaced that whole thing with "Obviously"

I don't think the team ever gave up, but it didn't seem like they had a fire lit under them since the All Star break. Even if you are the worst team in baseball you need to at least try to put a quality product on the field especially at home. Lot's of mental errors and what I would call lack of effort by certain players. If you want to improve next year the only thing that is going to get you there is money. You're only going to have the money by putting asses in the seats. Hitting the 3 million mark for attendance this year was obviously a bi-product of their playoff run last season. It's all but guaranteed that attendance will drop drastically next year unless they do some serious retooling in the offseason and come out swinging (or throwing) next April.

Friday, October 2, 2009

Friday Rant

I know I have a lot of car / truck features on here, but I have to bitch about something else. First off take a look at this picture. Can you see what I'm about to go off on?

What the fuck is with people that put the stickers all over their license plates? I've been seeing this more and more lately. The person above not only put the stickers all over, but somehow has two 2009 stickers. Was the first one stolen and you finally got a legit one? (suspiciously, my 2009 sticker was stolen in this same area) This particular car was in the ghetto where I work. I think the license plate is suppose to say "Moola" or "Moolah" but this person didn't know how to spell it. Nothing spells Moolah like a ghetto fucking intrepid.

I digress... I have a theory that anyone putting the stickers all over has to be in one of these camps:

1. You are illiterate even with pictures and not able to read the instructions on the back of the sticker pack that clearly states where to place the sticker.

2. You are trying to "Stick it to" the man. The man has forced you to pay to register your vehicle and you feel this is unjust so you place the stickers improperly on purpose to get back at johnny law.

3. You are gay and trying to make a rainbow on your license plate. (not that there is anything wrong with that)

4. You like sudoku way too much.

5. You are afraid that the new sticker will not stick over the old one. You also don't realize that the glue on the back is so sticky it could hold a turd to silicone.

6. You think it's funny. You also drool a lot, breath through your mouth and have Nascar stickers or flames on your minivan.

Being that most people have the month sticker in the proper spot I think the majority of people fall under #5. Maybe there are other reasons? If you are someone who puts the stickers all over I would LOVE to hear your reasoning.

For future reference these are the clear and concise directions for applying your new registration stickers. These are on the back of every sticker pack. Not rocket science is it? No, I don't work for the DOT I just hate stupid people.


Take a look at this early season picture. Look at how many players were either dumped, traded, sent down or injured. We were doomed form the start.

Bill Hall - DFA'd

Chris Duffy - sent to AAA and left due to personal issues

Brad Nelson - DFA'd

Rickie Weeks - Whacked off too hard using a wrist weight and was on the DL all year

Seth McClung - On the DL for a good part of the season

Corey Hart - The air let out of his head. DL

J.J. Hardy - Went to AAA to hand out eye patches for a while

On the bright side

It's been a tough year all around and sometimes hard to watch. I was really hoping for an end of the year rally to make it over .500, but that has now been crushed. Instead of focusing on the bad let's look at some of the bright spots for this year:

Prince Field - Had what most would consider a career year breaking the Brewers all time RBI and walk record in the process while belting 44 home runs thus far. I would say it's all but assured that Pujols will get the NL MVP, but Prince will get some votes. A very tough decision to come on what to do with Prince, but that's another post.

Ryan Braun - I will admit that I'm a bit biased on Braun being that I have a weird obsession with him that boardlines on a man crush... I love his stick. (what!? Wow) Once again I think Braun has shown why the franchise should be built around him. Back over .300 for this year with over 30 home runs, a .385 OBP and a possible 200 hit season. A few hiccups this year with his candor during interviews, but I can't fault the guy for being honest and in hindsite being 100% accurate about the pitching. I have a feeling Braun will finish his career in Milwaukee.
Todd Coffey - From the time he sprints out to the Ultimate Warrior music with his bologna tits flopping to when he stikes out the side, it's all good. Besides a slight rough patch a few weeks back he has been solid all year. He's been a work horse appearing in over 75 games and 80 innings. His nasty slider has struck out some of the best in the game this year. Drafted in the 41st round I would say he has achieved more than anyone expected.

Craig Counsell - People used to laugh at me when I would say he is the greatest baseball player to ever live, now everyone agrees... Ok, maybe not, but at least they are willing to admit that boys got some skills. He's tailed off a little bit towards the end of the season here, but he also isn't getting much playing time with Megeeneeheegeenee via for ROY. What would we have done this year with Hardy and Hall sucking and Weeks going down? We would have had to make a call to the Ham. (Ray Durham). As always he's been clutch in pressure situation, taking walks and running up the count. He was batting over .300 for a good part of the season while showing a little more pop. I do miss his high stepping batting stance, but I'll take the good at bats instead. Counsell was quite a bargain at only 1 mil this year. He is 40 now, but I'd love to see him back next year. He is for real my favorite player of all time.

David Riske - Just kidding.

Trevor Hoffman - I love Hells Bells. I've never heard Miller park as loud as the first time I was there for Trevor Time. (I wasn't there for the playoffs or the final game last year, I'm sure those were louder) He's worth every penny. I believe he has only 2 blown saves? He came in as the greatest closer ever and he has held that moniker up nicely. Sounds like he wants to finish his career in Milwaukee and we'd love to have him. Book it.

I know there are a lot more bright spots, but this is really only part of my end of season grades post I'm working on that will be up next week. That will be an in depth and comical look at all players.


Things we learned about and from the gang:

1. River crabbing is recession proof

2. Frank's neck is too thick making it impossible to hang himself

3. Selling vacuums and knifes door to door can be dangerous

4. Giving free beer to shanty town people is not a good business strategy

5. Vacuums are not made for shoes

6. Charlies uncle wants to wrestle him in an "Uncle" way

7. Dave & Busters is a good place to spend bailout cash