No way in hell did Braun juice

Everyone is jumping on the bandwagon to crucify Braun for his alleged use of PED's. I was in shock just like anyone else when my friend texted me the news. After the initial shock and before reading anything about the story I immediately had doubts to its validity. I understand that test results are rarely if ever proven false, but let's keep in mind a few things before we go off the deep end like a bunch of ESPN line towing lemming morons.

A. This story should never have seen the light of day until the arbitration hearing was complete and a suspension was upheld. Braun deserves his day in court like anyone else accused of wrong doing.

B. There has been so much conflicting information released that it's impossible to know what the truth really is.

C. Sources have stated the test results were higher than any other since testing began in 2005. If that is true, do you honestly think that Braun is stupid enough to juice that much during the playoffs? There are clearly extenuating circumstances in this case.

D. Braun is way too confident a person to ever knowingly take PED's. IF the ruling is upheld I can say without a doubt that it was not a roid, but a supplement. Seriously, if Braun was juiced and hit a ball it would instantly burst into flames and fly into fucking lake Michigan.

E. Braun has always been a model citizen, player and a generally great guy for the city. I understand that many people feel duped now as if it was all fake. I truly believe in his character. He may be cocky (obviously), but I absolutely do not believe he's a cheat.

And now what? He's already been thrown under the bus without due process. His reputation is undoubtedly tarnished forever regardless of the outcome. Even if he's proven innocent there will always be detractors. Whatever dickhole douche released this info and ESPN as a whole should have their journalistic credentials to any MLB function revoked.

Am I biased? Yep. However, I'm the type of person that if it came out Pujols was in this situation I would honestly feel the same way. If it comes out that Braun was in fact juiced... then I will understand fans being upset, but not nailing him to the wheel. How quickly we forget what Braun has done for our beloved Brew Crew.

I was one of about 5 people standing and clapping when Braun was first brought up. I hope to not be one of 5 people applauding him PLAYING OPENING DAY!

Until then, the next person that comes up to me and says "Braun's a juicer" is getting punched in their fucking brain.

GAME 5

If you're not excited for today you better check your pulse, as you are probably part of the zombie apocalypse.

The manatee says we're winning this shit!

Brewers Clinch Home Field

I was at the game last night and it seemed like the crowd was lethargic. At certain points like standing O's for Counsell and Fielder things got rowdy, but in general I was not impressed with the energy at Miller Park. I know it was a week night game, but it's the 9th inning, the Axman commeth, we're about to clinch home field and you choose to stay seated?? GET THE FUCK UP!

I did get to see what will probably be Counsell's last hit and Fielders last regular season game as a Brewer. I also very much enjoyed the sign held up by the guy in the top bleacher section that read "Are you watching Arizona?"

Bring on the D-Bags

Daron Sutton has a question

If you didn't hear, Daron Sutton (former Crew TV Announcer) yelled "Are you watching, Milwaukee!?" as the D-Bags walked off on a grand slam last night.

Well, Daron, judging by the number of fans in the D-Bags park last night more people in Milwaukee were watching than in the whole transplant state of AZ. How many "fans" were still there to watch ONE extra inning of baseball that has such heavy playoff implications?

Congrats on selling 2 million tickets! There are what, 4.2 million people in your metro area? You truly do have the greatest fans in baseball! Maybe this time around you can actually sell out your stadium for a playoff game?

Have fun playing the Phillies in the NLDS bozo, cause we're shoving that comment straight up your ass.

This should make you feel better

Here was the lineup from Monday, Sept. 14th 2009:

2B Felipe Lopez
SS Craig Counsell
3B Casey McGehee
1B Prince Fielder
CF Mike Cameron
RF Jody Gerut
C Jason Kendall
LF Frank Catalanotto
P Jeff Suppan

HA! This wasn't even a Sunday... I just puked a little.

This should do it!

Time to sweep the Reds and lock this shit up. The Manatee says so and also has a message for McGehee...

Choppy McRally killer / Long overdue angry update

Let's see, my last update was in mid June... I'm trying to remember the topic... Oh, I know, Casey "Chopper" McGehee! Back then I couldn't imagine a scenario where he would still be in the lineup and:

A. Choose a new song that is just as bad
B. Continue to bat .230
C. Continue to show zero range at 3B because he's a fat slob with blown out knees
D. Not be moved down in the order!!!!!!!!!!!! (Until now)
E. Bring up a replacement from Nashville so he can sit on the bench

I realize there are more reasons than just Chopper for this deja vu late season collapse; however, how many times are we going to have to watch Chopper hit into a double play after hitting directly to 3B. This love fest of McGehee needs to end... If you are cheering for him, you are partly responsible for him still being in the lineup. I'm not saying you have to boo, but this unwarranted loud cheering for such a shitty player that has done nothing all year needs to end. Finally moving him down in the order when Weeks returned did nothing but prolong the agony of watching him Chop.

So, we've silenced Nyjer Morgan AKA T-Plush because Chris CarpenterAnt and Alberta Poohole were offended? This team is built on Douche-Baggery.... Stopping that is like ripping their hearts out. Fielder having meat rage, Braun staring down pitchers after a HR, Untucking, bowling pin walkoff, Beast mode, I love it all. The fact that this team is so full of themselves and yet have accomplished squat except a forgettable Wild Card run, makes these antics that much better! It clearly gets into other teams heads. Anything that bothers Tony LaDoucha is cool with me. I say fuck it, let this team run wild. We should have Untucked against the Cards while the crowd chanted SHINGLES SHINGLES!

Apparently, Yuni's name is actually pronounced BetanCOOOOR. Good thing we got that figured out after like 6 years.... No one cares, hit the ball bozo. Just be glad you're not back in Cuba driving a 1947 coupe and eating dirt.

Do I think we're going to make the playoffs... Obviously.
Do I think we're going to get passed the NLDS... Is Chopper still in the lineup followed by BentanCOOOOOOOOOR!?

Regardless if K-Rod isn't happy and Fielder is leaving next year (for a different post) it's time to get shit done. Cross your T's and dial up your douchyness because it's go time.

McGehee is straight up garbage

I think what put me over the edge here besides him chopping every ball to third is his terrible entrance music. I can't handle listening to this shitty Skynyrd remake of Simple Man any longer. Every time I hear it my ears bleed. I literally cover my ears when I'm at the stadium. How can anyone possibly think that's a quality remake of a classic Skynyrd song? You would have to have rocks in your fucking head.

I really wanted to see McGehee succeed to rub it in to the Cubs. I think at this point the reality is there's a reason he wasn't protected.... His shitty taste in music.

It makes me miss the days of Frank Catalanotto. Sing it with me... Josie's on a vacation far away!

Fuck you and your Mike Vick hot reads

How many times did Collinsdouche say "hot read" and "Mike Vick" last night? How many times are you going to call him by his full name? The love fest had gotten so bad I thought he was going to leave the booth to suck him off on the field. Obviously Vick has told everyone that he goes by Mike now as some way of reinventing himself.

I still hate you whether you go by Michael, Mike, Mikey, Ron Mexico.... Oh, you forgot about that? Yeah, not only did he personally electrocute, drown and stab dogs he also gave Herpes to a woman and checked into a clinic under the alias 'Ron Mexico'. His name was also registered to a truck that was busted in a drug trafficking operation. This guy IS NOT SORRY. People that do shit like that do not have a conscience and therefore do not give a fuck. The only thing he's sorry for is that he got caught.

Yes, he did his time. Yes, he got sent up the river while Sir Stabbalot, Ray Lewis got off. Whatever, that guys a pile of shit too. The NFL needs to set an example and not let these assholes back in the game.

If you want to be a felonious piece of trash go play in the NBA. I heard their down with that.

Brent Favrerer

I think the smirk on Rodgers face says it all. It was great to watch the Vikings implode on field and off. I thought by this time today I would have already heard the news that Childress was fired and Bart Farve was retiring. Had Brant Fevre retired instead of going to the Vikings by way of the Jets he could have been arguably the best of all time and a hero for all eternity in Green Bay. Now, he's a fucking cock smuggler. It's almost guaranteed that if and when Bert Firvy's number is retired in Green Bay at least half the stadium will be booing. Enjoy your destroyed legacy and your tiny dick fucko.

UPDATE: Apparently, as I was writing this Childress got fired. It's almost guaranteed that Favre gets benched and retires.

Roenicke, already not Ken Macha

It seems to me that there are a lot of pessimistic assholes out there, or maybe I just shouldn't read JSonline comments... Guess I should have learned that lesson long ago.

I can already tell fundamental differences between Roenicke and Grandpa Macha or Forest Yost. You can tell he wants to build quality relationships with players and not just manage from the sideline. We have a younger nucleus on this team and they're not going to respect a manager that benches them without valid reasoning or explanation. Macha never related to players and you could tell that right off the bat.

If you listened to the press conference then you heard him get choked up when asked about the death of Nick Adenhart of the Angels. This really struck a chord with me. It's nice to see a little emotion from time to time. Now, if he starts crying when someone strikes out, then we've got a problem.

My friend did point out though that his voice sounds very similar to Yost. Although, I don't think we have to worry about him saying "Soup pitched great" Anytime soon.

Clown is officially on record as liking the Roenicke hire. Except that name is annoying to spell. There's no rule for O before E except after R.

Now dump fielder, get some pitching and extend Braun through 2048.

The countdown is on.

Brewers, Turning up the suck

I highly doubt we're going to make up 11.5 games by the end of the season. We're now behind the Cubs in the division. Sad, but at this point the season is probably over already. I'll continue to watch every game as I always do and hope for a miracle.

Last nights game was kinda funny if you watched the debacle until the end. Mota came in and had to pitch to Fielder. If you remember it was Mota that hit Fielder last year causing Fielder to go into a rage and charge the Dodgers club house. Mota basically pitched everything way outside and avoided getting anywhere near Prince. Also, Escobar took the field in the 8th playing right field! Nothing was hit to him, but it was kinda funny to watch. I was hoping to see a ball right between him and Gomez to see a foot race.

I like Narveson, but man that guys got issues with consistency. I don't understand how so many Brewers pitchers can look great one game and complete shit the next. I can understand getting lit up once in a while, but this is pathetic. The hitting seems to have the same problems with inconsistency; score 15 runs one game and then 1 the next. I think at this point you need to look at the coaching staff. Yeah, that's probably a cop out, but what else do you do?? These players are just not motivated to put a good product on the field day in and day out. Something has to give. This team is TERRIBLE.

Resurrection

Whatsup Bozo's. For all 3 of you that read this crap, you'll be glad to know or may be disappointed that I'm not dead... Life, work and other garbage that I'm forced to endure on a daily basis have kept me pretty busy this summer.

Enough with my life story, let's get down to it.

Out of all the terrible things this season has brought, it took people ripping on the greatest player to ever live, Craig Counsell, to bring me back to life. Counsell may not be putting up the career numbers he was last year, but he's still one of the best ever at working the count and is a defensive marvel. He had one fucking error people! Yes, it sucked. Yes, I screamed at the TV, but I still love CC. It just so happened that Escobar tanking the two plays the day before brought scrutiny on the position thus thrusting Counsell's throwing error into such a bad light. At least he picked it cleanly, which is the hard part. That brings us to my next subject, Escobar.

At this point, in my humble Clown opinion, Escobar sucks ass. I was all for bringing him up, so I can't say I told you so. I will say that his defense is no where near what I expected. With a team finally seeing good starting pitching, yet having lack luster hitting up and down the lineup, Escobar's recent defensive struggles are a killer. I never expected him to be a hitting phenom, but I did damn well expect above average defense. I don't think 14 errors before the All-Star break counts as "Above Average Defense". I realize he is a rookie, but when you're hitting sub .250, you better be doing something else right. Perhaps Grandpa Macha should sit him down and have a talk over some Soft Batch cookies and milk while smoking a Pall Mall non filter. Wow, flash back...

I think I was the only person that said Lucroy would be at the very least the backup catcher even before spring training started. How ya like me now!? I won't say I'm glad Zahn went down... Wait, yes I will! That guy fucking sucked. Lucroy, who shot to the majors and bypassed Angel Salome, looks damn good so far. I would definitely call him the future for catching in Milwaukee.

I still hate Macha. I've hated him since day one. I don't think anything short of a World Series bid will change my mind on that. I just don't see him motivating this team and I don't believe players respect him. Is he better then Yost? Well, yeah, but seriously? Is that saying much? I'm not looking for "better then Yost". I'm looking for at the very least, a good manager. Unfortunately, all signs point to at least one more season with Macha at the helm as he has been deemed, "not the issue"

Braun is struggling hardcore. He's been in these types of funks before, but man he's swinging at some terrible pitches. I thought he was over the swinging at low outside garbage, but he appears to be back on that shit train to nowhere. If I were a pitcher I would just throw him that crap three times in a row because he almost always swings. I still love RB, more than any straight man should, and I know he'll come out of this in the second half. He's just gotta stop pressing and get back to owning pitchers souls. Hopefully this happens before I win the Kwik Trip lunch with RB, so we can focus our conversation on his awesomeness.

Damnit, forgot again

Well, it's too late to sweep, but let's get 2.

Zaunie's hackin' on 3-0

It's a sweep!

I couldn't believe Zaun had the green light on 3-0, 1 out and bases loaded. He may be on somewhat of a hot streak, but you gotta take on that. It's debatable whether or not that was a ball, but it looked high to me. In a game that close you can't be popping up for the 2nd out.

Fielder is looking totally lost at the plate. Anytime he's pitched inside even on a curveball that ends up over the plate he's jumping back as if to avoid getting hit. He did this 3 straight times in one at bat. He gets hit a lot, so maybe that's gone to his head? He's never been the type to go out of his way to avoid getting hit. I would say it could be that his hand or elbow are still banged up, but the way he's avoiding pitches just looks silly. If we had a real manager instead of Grandpa Turdbag he might have a chat with Fielder and see if somethings up. Maybe Fielder ran out of Boca burgers. He's gotta be the fatest vegetarian I've ever seen.

Narveson looked damn good again. He seemed to lose some control after walking the DB pitcher in the 6th; however, I thought it was kinda bullshit that Granpa No-Emotion Turdbag took him out with a man on first and second. He earned the right to throw to at least one more hitter. Coffey got out of the inning with no damage, but it still pisses me off. Macha is basically saying to his young pitcher that he doesnt' have faith in him to get out of a jam.

Congrats to Jody Gerut hitting for the Cycle on Saturday. I hadn't really heard him do an interview before, but he was on the pre-game today. Sounded very intelligent and didn't say "Yeah, You know" a single time. Perhaps he should be giving english lessons to others on the team?

Oh and by the way, since reinstituting the Sweep Manatee the Brewers are 5 and 1.

Sweep the Snakes

Or at least win 2...

Ely who?

I fell asleep in the 8th inning, so I didn't see the rally or the grand salami to lose it until this morning.

This was John Ely's first start at Dodgers stadium in his rookie year with the Dodgers. In typical fashion the Crew looked lost at the plate for most of the game. Even though Ely was barely touching 90MPH, he dominated. What's with the brewers always losing to obscure / rookie pitching?

Bush pitched fairly well once he settled down. The error that ended up costing Bush 2 runs was all on Fielder. I watched the game recap this morning and heard they charged the error to McGehee?! What the hell is that? The ball was right in his glove, you have to catch that. I know errors happen, but you'd expect more from a player talking about his value being 200 Million. I can't get over that, so I'm going to point it out every time fat boy screws up.

It's good to see us battle back at the end. Mr. Clutch Counsell comes through yet again. Zaun also had a good night and the game tying RBI. I would still rather see Kottaras more often, even with Zaun hitting more consistently. I think I'm just going to start calling Zaun "Not Jason Kendall" Even at 0-21 he was still "Not jason Kendall"

Does it seem like we've been on the road for a damn eternity? The last few years we've started out on the road more than I can ever remember. Another series in AZ before coming home to face the Braves. This West coast trip has taken a lot out of Clown. I think Clown and the Brewers need a nice central time home stand. (did I just refer to myself in the 4th person? Nice.)

Braun definitely continues to be amazing, Obviously.

Yep

The sweep manatee takes full credit for yesterdays win. Although, I was a bit worried toward the end there. Our pitchers really need to start going deeper or we're going to have a burned out bullpen like last year.

I think Narveson is settling in nicely.

You know you're having a bad season when...

The top stories on Brewers.com are this:

• • Inbox: Scrutinizing Brewers' offense
• • Brewers shut out in finale vs. Padres
• • Brewers look to heat up in Los Angeles
• • Hoffman converts save in San Diego
• • Brewers' Edmonds still battling sore back

It's sad when a top story is Hoffman converting a save...

My Bad

I just realized why we've sucked so much this year. I have totally forgotten to post the smoking dirt bike riding sweep manatee...



Problem solved! The Dodgers are in trouble now. Bozos.

Doumit is Creepy

Hoffman - Ouch

The Pirates got a bit of revenge last night as they hoisted the Jolly Roger and broke their 22 game losing streak at Miller Park in grand fashion. Hoffman came in with a 3-2 lead and left with a 7-3 deficit after crazy evil bug eyed Ryan Doumit smashed a grand slam.

Holy Shit Houston... We have a problem!

This is kind of a touchy situation. When Hoffman was brought on last year he was guaranteed the closing role. Has he been guaranteed the same this year? I realize he's only handful of saves away from 600, but how long can we sit by and watch games slip away as he gets lit up? Hoffman is a legend... A shoe in for the Hall... It's Hells Bells.... How big of assholes will the Brewers look if he is taken out of the closing role this close to 600?

Perhaps it's time for Hoffman to suffer one of Doug Melvin's patented fake injuries and take some time off to sort out whatever is going on. Take a rehab assignment and get your confidence back throwing your change-up against A ball guys.

I don't think they should play Hell's Bells anymore until he records another save. They should play some shitty AC/DC song like... Given the dog a bone.

Cubs Comment

There was a good comment about my Cubs fan incident that I would like to post:

Rex Jaybels said...

I won't deny that there are plenty of asshole fans on the Cubs side, but let's not go so far as to think there aren't some following every team.

I am a Cubs fan who has lived in Milwaukee for 13 years, and I have encounters every time I go to Miller Park. This weekend I was there with my wife, who happens to be newly pregnant, and as we were walking to our cars two guys threw peanuts at me from there car and yelled, "Cubs Suck and so do you."

At which I point I kept walking with only a smile. The car followed us all the way to our car harassing us the whole way with slurs about me and my wife. Had she not been pregnant I would have ran up and knocked the guy out, but I didn't want anything to happen to her.

So before you go proclaiming all cubs fans are idiots, realize that we are not all that way. I have loved the Cubs since I was a child, and trust me, I hate that guy already as much as you do, but he doesn't represent an entire fan base, just as your fan base isn't represented by this one car load of jerks either.

The bottom line is this, "people are assholes." Some of them happen to go to baseball games. I'm glad to hear that this asshole got what was coming to him.

Here is my rambling response:

I would never condone any kind of violence towards Cubs fans at Miller Park especially directed at you and your pregnant wife. That's pussy bullshit and the bozo's that did that should be arrested along with the asshole that attacked me. I will be the first to admit that there are plenty of dirty people in this state as well. (See typical Packer fan who lives in Cudahy) The problem is that people from Milwaukee already hated people from Chicago long before the Brewers ever joined the NL and had this new Cubs "Rivalry". FIB is not an term of endearment.... Although, I've been to several Bears / Packers games at Lambeau and never saw any issues. Packers / Bears I would consider an actual Rivalry. The Cubs / Brewers I would just consider a fucking annoyance.

What angers me the most as a Brewers fan is it appears Chicago fans have an attitude of entitlement. I've heard the phrase "Wrigley Field North" far too many times. It's great that Cubs fans travel well, but this is still OUR PARK. This type of attitude is definitely not going to ingratiate you with Brewers fans. (Not that we have to like you, but we shouldn't hate you) I think any pleasantries between fans went out the window a while ago and it's only getting worse.

I guess I don't understand the hatred from Cubs fans because you can't spit without hitting a FIB in Lake Geneva, Door County, Minocqua, etc. If you hate our state and teams so much, why do you come up here?! Stay home if you hate it that much!

I'm not talking directly to you Rex.. Obviously, you live here now so that's a little different. We need to work on converting you!

Wackadoo

22 straight wins at home against the Pirates. We've outscored the Pirates something like 53-3 in the past 4 meetings? The craziest part was probably Greg Zaun actually getting 4 hits tonight, 2 of which were his first of the year from the right side.

I think it's safe to say that we own the Pirates souls. How long can this continue? I'm afraid for a turning point where the Pirates beat our ass for a very long stretch. Everything evens out eventually... Right?

I didn't see the attendance, but there were visibly far less fans then there have been lately. I can't imagine why? Maybe don't get your ass handed to you by the most hated team with the biggest shit bag fans ever at home. (I'm still pissed)

(I have to interupt this post as Suppan is currently doing everything he can to throw away 17 runs. They aren't yelling Soup you bozo, that's BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!)

I'd love to stay on this high, but I know as soon as we're done with the Pirates we'll be back to not hitting a damn thing. I guess I'll just enjoy the next two games and hope we can keep some momentum for the road.

I very much look forward to Narveson starting on Wednesday. He's had a rough time in the bullpen, but I have a feeling that's all about to change. He's just built to be a starting pitcher.

UPDATE: I'm still fucking angry

As annoying as Twins fans are, I've never been assaulted. I've had issues with their retarded driving, but never has it come to blows. I think they are only annoying though because we always lose and in the end that's our problem.

Never once have I had any kind of issue with a Cardinals fan. I've even heard from many people that they are nice to Brewers fans when we go to St. Louis. I'm not saying I don't hate the Cardinals and their crybaby I'm old school you can't untuck bullshit, this is just about the fans.

I've been to many White Sox games at both Miller Park and County Stadium. They actually come to watch baseball not get hammered and "look to fight someone all day". Never had a problem. Amazing being that Cubs fans say they are all south side trash...

As I mentioned before the Tigers fans for the Exhibition games this year were cool shit. Another group of people that actually came to watch baseball. I enjoyed that series. Thanks again to the awesome Tigers fans next to us that let us sit under their E-Z Up in the pouring rain.

Why is it all these fans can come to Milwaukee and have a good time without starting trouble, but the Cubs fans can't seem to avoid it?! I'm getting sick of hearing "It's a rivalry!" No, it's not. Rivalries have a home field advantage some of the time, we never do.

I'm fed up. I want back in the AL. "Taking this thing National" was the stupidest fucking thing ever.

Fuck.