Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Turning up the suck

This season had such promise from the start and now.. this.  I don't think anyone expected us to keep up the winning pace we set in April, but this is complete garbage.  Here are just some of the things that have pissed me off lately:

Forest Gump says stop running - Stop running, altogether.  This team sucks ass at stealing bases and are even worse at taking extra.  How many times has Gomez been thrown out trying to stretch a double into a triple or Braun thrown out stealing?  The green light shit needs to stop.  It's a big fat RED.   I'm looking at you Ron Runyucky

Gomez - I love him and hate him at the same time.  I like his attitude and the dude plays harder than anyone.  That said; stop swinging for the fences ever fucking time. One of these times his shoes are going to fly off.  I know that's his style of hitting and I'd hate to mess with his swing, but come on.  The free swinging shit has clearly caught up to us.  Teams know we are swinging at everything and they are using it to smoke us.  Take a pitch or two.

Braun - Time for some tough love....  This is so hard for me to say because I've always supported him even through this PED crap. (which now I feel like an idiot for)   You are now a veteran on this team and you take off 2 games to have your kid?  You have off 4 months of the year, but you couldn't plan your pork around that or wrap it up?  Come on dude, this shows a complete lack of caring about the organization and your teammates.  Also, batting .270 and hitting under 20 home runs isn't going to convince people that your whole career wasn't based on roiding. Way to take care of that hurt thumb in the off season too. You didn't want to have the surgery because it may cause numbness?  Give me your millions and you can chop off both my thumbs with a rusty fucking butter knife.

Gallardo - Seriously guy?  You are less consistent than the shits I get from White Castle.  It just seems like he has given up, along with most of this team.  Gallardo has been trending down for a while and I would not pick up his option.  Let him take this shit show on the road.

STOP BUNTING - I hate nothing more than trying to bunt over a runner who is already in scoring position!  Just stop it, stop it now.  That's not small ball, it's stupid dumbass, getting the fundamentals wrong ball.  Even if the pitcher is up, time to put on your big boy pants and swing the damn bat.  You played baseball and batted in little league, high school, possibly college and at least some times in the minor leagues. Some how though you are now incapable of one of the main aspects of the game you are being paid millions to play?

Error, error, error, error - This is the worst defensive team I have ever seen.  That is all.

I'm too angry to write now.

Friday, February 28, 2014

Arctic Tailgate

A baseball pines for spring
Why would you sit for days in the cold waiting for opening day tickets when you could just buy a 9 pack and get it for free? These people say they are die hard Brewers fans, but they won't spend $130 to get a 9 pack of games? Reading some of these stories you hear excuses like "I'm married and have kids, so I can't commit to that many games". Really? But you can commit to 4 days sleeping in a parking lot?  These people are in it for the party and that's it.  Not that I'm opposed to partying... Just own up to it.

There always seems to be a lot of Packers gear as well, which is my favorite thing ever! You're such a huge Brewers fan, yet you can't buy a $5.00 T-shirt, hat, sweater ANYTHING from a discount bin?  I recently saw a Weeks shirt for 2$... Actually, that's still too much.

With all the money you spent on junk food, wood/charcoal, clothing, Summers Eve douches etc., you could have called Ticket King and bought an opening day ticket for the same amount without getting frostbite. My friends and I have started a new tradition. We go to one persons house, crack a beer at 8am and order tickets online as they go on sale at the same fucking time.

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Don't boo Braun, you bozos

I've heard a lot people say how they will be booing Braun opening day.  I'm hoping these are just idiots going for the party aspect and not real fans.  Is this really the kind of baseball town we are or have become?  I know everyone is sour (which I put myself in that camp), but what exactly do you plan on achieving by booing a player on a team that you supposedly support?  Braun's already going to take one in the ribs, if not higher, probably the first pitch. Baseball tends to regulate itself.

I really, really, dislike Dick Reeks, but I have never once booed him. (At home throwing shit at my TV doesn't count)  Do you want to win games or act like a giant douche? These same people will be the first ones to leap out of their seats when Braun crushes a HR.

I understand the hatred for Braun, but it's time to win some games!

I'm excited for this season, how about you?

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Brewers: Horrible

I can't believe we got shutout by Suppan... Wait, yes I can, because we always loose to shitty pitchers and  rookies.   Soup pitched great!!  A guy that has been in the minors for over a year and has posted over a 12 ERA this season made us look bad, or are we just that fucking bad?!

At this point, this team is kinda garbage.   Weeks sucks, he's always sucked and he will continue to suck.  Even though he's batting like 0.01, Roenicke has chosen to keep him at the leadoff spot.  Watch your back Weeks, there's a Scooter looking to run you over.  Barring injury the chances of Scooter seeing the majors this year are very slim, but if he continues to rake it will be hard to ignore come spring.

Gamel is out for the year.  That really hurts, deep down.  I've never seen anyone with this bad of luck.  Finally gets his real shot and again down with an injury.  Now what?  Ishakawa and Conrad?  That's your solution for the loss of Fielder?  2 guys that have seen limited or no playing time in the past 2 years.  Good luck with that.  Probably time to move Hart to first and call up Logan Schafer OR go grab Erik Komatsu who was put on waivers by the Cards.  He was always solid in our farm.  I know you have too many outfielders as it is, but I'm less than impressed with two of them thus far. (more on that later)

Ramirez has been bad, but I'm still expecting him to come around this month and start knocking in some RBI.  He's had a few miscues on D, but still a definite upgrade from McGehee of 2011.  I'm not keen on the 3 year deal with him, but I think he will be solid for 2. 

Gonzalez is probably the best offseason pickup.  This guys defense has been nothing short of amazing.  Really shows you what a good SS can offer.  Offensively he brings some pop and will probably be a .275 hitter.   Betancourt had moments where he showed talent and had some big post season hits, but he was so streaky as a hitter and his defense was tragic.  This is evident by the shitty Royals moving him to 2nd base.  KC is now just a depository for burned out Brewers.  (kinda like the Brewers are for the Cardinals!)

I really like what Gomez is doing so far.  I think he has earned the center field spot.  Morgan has been less than Plushtamental thus far.  Aoki is a proven hitter in Japan, but hasn't shown consistency in a backup role.  If Aoki is in the lineup he needs to be batting leadoff.  His Slappy McSlapperson style of play does not fit well down in the order.

Braun will be Braun.  Obviously, definitely.

Narveson going down sucked, but I really like Estrada.  Honestly, he's a better pitcher than Narveson.  You'll see.  I think skipping him in a rotation is fucking stupid.  Look how well that worked out for Gallardo against the Cards.  Stick to the plan Roenicke. 

KRud - K-rod has been pure fucking garbage.  I don't even know what you can do there.  Too much money invested, so you gotta ride this out.  No one is  trading for this dude when his ERA is 27.00 in July and he's due millions.

Hart is now running like he has a full poopy diaper.  He's gotten progressively slower and should not be playing outfield any longer.  Watching this guy get bad reads on every ball, then take 5 seconds to get his giant fucking stork legs going as he lollygags every can of corn...  I'm just done with it.

I guess that's it for now.  Needed to vent.   I'm not giving up by any means, but I really do think that some drastic changes are needed.  Be it talent, motivation, team chemistry, other random factor... Something just isn't working.

Friday, October 7, 2011


If you're not excited for today you better check your pulse, as you are probably part of the zombie apocalypse.

The manatee says we're winning this shit!

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Brewers Clinch Home Field

I was at the game last night and it seemed like the crowd was lethargic. At certain points like standing O's for Counsell and Fielder things got rowdy, but in general I was not impressed with the energy at Miller Park. I know it was a week night game, but it's the 9th inning, the Axman commeth, we're about to clinch home field and you choose to stay seated?? GET THE FUCK UP!

I did get to see what will probably be Counsell's last hit and Fielders last regular season game as a Brewer. I also very much enjoyed the sign held up by the guy in the top bleacher section that read "Are you watching Arizona?"

Bring on the D-Bags

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Daron Sutton has a question

If you didn't hear, Daron Sutton (former Crew TV Announcer) yelled "Are you watching, Milwaukee!?" as the D-Bags walked off on a grand slam last night.

Well, Daron, judging by the number of fans in the D-Bags park last night more people in Milwaukee were watching than in the whole transplant state of AZ. How many "fans" were still there to watch ONE extra inning of baseball that has such heavy playoff implications?

Congrats on selling 2 million tickets! There are what, 4.2 million people in your metro area? You truly do have the greatest fans in baseball! Maybe this time around you can actually sell out your stadium for a playoff game?

Have fun playing the Phillies in the NLDS bozo, cause we're shoving that comment straight up your ass.

Friday, September 16, 2011

This should make you feel better

Here was the lineup from Monday, Sept. 14th 2009:

2B Felipe Lopez
SS Craig Counsell
3B Casey McGehee
1B Prince Fielder
CF Mike Cameron
RF Jody Gerut
C Jason Kendall
LF Frank Catalanotto
P Jeff Suppan

HA! This wasn't even a Sunday... I just puked a little.

This should do it!

Time to sweep the Reds and lock this shit up. The Manatee says so and also has a message for McGehee...

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Choppy McRally killer / Long overdue angry update

Let's see, my last update was in mid June... I'm trying to remember the topic... Oh, I know, Casey "Chopper" McGehee! Back then I couldn't imagine a scenario where he would still be in the lineup and:

A. Choose a new song that is just as bad
B. Continue to bat .230
C. Continue to show zero range at 3B because he's a fat slob with blown out knees
D. Not be moved down in the order!!!!!!!!!!!! (Until now)
E. Bring up a replacement from Nashville so he can sit on the bench

I realize there are more reasons than just Chopper for this deja vu late season collapse; however, how many times are we going to have to watch Chopper hit into a double play after hitting directly to 3B. This love fest of McGehee needs to end... If you are cheering for him, you are partly responsible for him still being in the lineup. I'm not saying you have to boo, but this unwarranted loud cheering for such a shitty player that has done nothing all year needs to end. Finally moving him down in the order when Weeks returned did nothing but prolong the agony of watching him Chop.

So, we've silenced Nyjer Morgan AKA T-Plush because Chris CarpenterAnt and Alberta Poohole were offended? This team is built on Douche-Baggery.... Stopping that is like ripping their hearts out. Fielder having meat rage, Braun staring down pitchers after a HR, Untucking, bowling pin walkoff, Beast mode, I love it all. The fact that this team is so full of themselves and yet have accomplished squat except a forgettable Wild Card run, makes these antics that much better! It clearly gets into other teams heads. Anything that bothers Tony LaDoucha is cool with me. I say fuck it, let this team run wild. We should have Untucked against the Cards while the crowd chanted SHINGLES SHINGLES!

Apparently, Yuni's name is actually pronounced BetanCOOOOR. Good thing we got that figured out after like 6 years.... No one cares, hit the ball bozo. Just be glad you're not back in Cuba driving a 1947 coupe and eating dirt.

Do I think we're going to make the playoffs... Obviously.
Do I think we're going to get passed the NLDS... Is Chopper still in the lineup followed by BentanCOOOOOOOOOR!?

Regardless if K-Rod isn't happy and Fielder is leaving next year (for a different post) it's time to get shit done. Cross your T's and dial up your douchyness because it's go time.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

McGehee is straight up garbage

I think what put me over the edge here besides him chopping every ball to third is his terrible entrance music. I can't handle listening to this shitty Skynyrd remake of Simple Man any longer. Every time I hear it my ears bleed. I literally cover my ears when I'm at the stadium. How can anyone possibly think that's a quality remake of a classic Skynyrd song? You would have to have rocks in your fucking head.

I really wanted to see McGehee succeed to rub it in to the Cubs. I think at this point the reality is there's a reason he wasn't protected.... His shitty taste in music.

It makes me miss the days of Frank Catalanotto. Sing it with me... Josie's on a vacation far away!

Monday, November 22, 2010

Fuck you and your Mike Vick hot reads

How many times did Collinsdouche say "hot read" and "Mike Vick" last night? How many times are you going to call him by his full name? The love fest had gotten so bad I thought he was going to leave the booth to suck him off on the field. Obviously Vick has told everyone that he goes by Mike now as some way of reinventing himself.

I still hate you whether you go by Michael, Mike, Mikey, Ron Mexico.... Oh, you forgot about that? Yeah, not only did he personally electrocute, drown and stab dogs he also gave Herpes to a woman and checked into a clinic under the alias 'Ron Mexico'. His name was also registered to a truck that was busted in a drug trafficking operation. This guy IS NOT SORRY. People that do shit like that do not have a conscience and therefore do not give a fuck. The only thing he's sorry for is that he got caught.

Yes, he did his time. Yes, he got sent up the river while Sir Stabbalot, Ray Lewis got off. Whatever, that guys a pile of shit too. The NFL needs to set an example and not let these assholes back in the game.

If you want to be a felonious piece of trash go play in the NBA. I heard they're down with that.

Brent Favrerer

I think the smirk on Rodgers face says it all. It was great to watch the Vikings implode on field and off. I thought by this time today I would have already heard the news that Childress was fired and Bart Farve was retiring. Had Brant Fevre retired instead of going to the Vikings by way of the Jets he could have been arguably the best of all time and a hero for all eternity in Green Bay. Now, he's a fucking cock smuggler. It's almost guaranteed that if and when Bert Firvy's number is retired in Green Bay at least half the stadium will be booing. Enjoy your destroyed legacy and your tiny dick fucko.

UPDATE: Apparently, as I was writing this Childress got fired. It's almost guaranteed that Favre gets benched and retires.

Friday, November 5, 2010

Roenicke, already not Ken Macha

It seems to me that there are a lot of pessimistic assholes out there, or maybe I just shouldn't read JSonline comments... Guess I should have learned that lesson long ago.

I can already tell fundamental differences between Roenicke and Grandpa Macha or Forest Yost. You can tell he wants to build quality relationships with players and not just manage from the sideline. We have a younger nucleus on this team and they're not going to respect a manager that benches them without valid reasoning or explanation. Macha never related to players and you could tell that right off the bat.

If you listened to the press conference then you heard him get choked up when asked about the death of Nick Adenhart of the Angels. This really struck a chord with me. It's nice to see a little emotion from time to time. Now, if he starts crying when someone strikes out, then we've got a problem.

My friend did point out though that his voice sounds very similar to Yost. Although, I don't think we have to worry about him saying "Soup pitched great" Anytime soon.

Clown is officially on record as liking the Roenicke hire. Except that name is annoying to spell. There's no rule for O before E except after R.

Now dump fielder, get some pitching and extend Braun through 2048.

The countdown is on.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Brewers, Turning up the suck

I highly doubt we're going to make up 11.5 games by the end of the season. We're now behind the Cubs in the division. Sad, but at this point the season is probably over already. I'll continue to watch every game as I always do and hope for a miracle.

Last nights game was kinda funny if you watched the debacle until the end. Mota came in and had to pitch to Fielder. If you remember it was Mota that hit Fielder last year causing Fielder to go into a rage and charge the Dodgers club house. Mota basically pitched everything way outside and avoided getting anywhere near Prince. Also, Escobar took the field in the 8th playing right field! Nothing was hit to him, but it was kinda funny to watch. I was hoping to see a ball right between him and Gomez to see a foot race.

I like Narveson, but man that guys got issues with consistency. I don't understand how so many Brewers pitchers can look great one game and complete shit the next. I can understand getting lit up once in a while, but this is pathetic. The hitting seems to have the same problems with inconsistency; score 15 runs one game and then 1 the next. I think at this point you need to look at the coaching staff. Yeah, that's probably a cop out, but what else do you do?? These players are just not motivated to put a good product on the field day in and day out. Something has to give. This team is TERRIBLE.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010


Whatsup Bozo's. For all 3 of you that read this crap, you'll be glad to know or may be disappointed that I'm not dead... Life, work and other garbage that I'm forced to endure on a daily basis have kept me pretty busy this summer.

Enough with my life story, let's get down to it.

Out of all the terrible things this season has brought, it took people ripping on the greatest player to ever live, Craig Counsell, to bring me back to life. Counsell may not be putting up the career numbers he was last year, but he's still one of the best ever at working the count and is a defensive marvel. He had one fucking error people! Yes, it sucked. Yes, I screamed at the TV, but I still love CC. It just so happened that Escobar tanking the two plays the day before brought scrutiny on the position thus thrusting Counsell's throwing error into such a bad light. At least he picked it cleanly, which is the hard part. That brings us to my next subject, Escobar.

At this point, in my humble Clown opinion, Escobar sucks ass. I was all for bringing him up, so I can't say I told you so. I will say that his defense is no where near what I expected. With a team finally seeing good starting pitching, yet having lack luster hitting up and down the lineup, Escobar's recent defensive struggles are a killer. I never expected him to be a hitting phenom, but I did damn well expect above average defense. I don't think 14 errors before the All-Star break counts as "Above Average Defense". I realize he is a rookie, but when you're hitting sub .250, you better be doing something else right. Perhaps Grandpa Macha should sit him down and have a talk over some Soft Batch cookies and milk while smoking a Pall Mall non filter. Wow, flash back...

I think I was the only person that said Lucroy would be at the very least the backup catcher even before spring training started. How ya like me now!? I won't say I'm glad Zahn went down... Wait, yes I will! That guy fucking sucked. Lucroy, who shot to the majors and bypassed Angel Salome, looks damn good so far. I would definitely call him the future for catching in Milwaukee.

I still hate Macha. I've hated him since day one. I don't think anything short of a World Series bid will change my mind on that. I just don't see him motivating this team and I don't believe players respect him. Is he better then Yost? Well, yeah, but seriously? Is that saying much? I'm not looking for "better then Yost". I'm looking for at the very least, a good manager. Unfortunately, all signs point to at least one more season with Macha at the helm as he has been deemed, "not the issue"

Braun is struggling hardcore. He's been in these types of funks before, but man he's swinging at some terrible pitches. I thought he was over the swinging at low outside garbage, but he appears to be back on that shit train to nowhere. If I were a pitcher I would just throw him that crap three times in a row because he almost always swings. I still love RB, more than any straight man should, and I know he'll come out of this in the second half. He's just gotta stop pressing and get back to owning pitchers souls. Hopefully this happens before I win the Kwik Trip lunch with RB, so we can focus our conversation on his awesomeness.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Damnit, forgot again

Well, it's too late to sweep, but let's get 2.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Zaunie's hackin' on 3-0

It's a sweep!

I couldn't believe Zaun had the green light on 3-0, 1 out and bases loaded. He may be on somewhat of a hot streak, but you gotta take on that. It's debatable whether or not that was a ball, but it looked high to me. In a game that close you can't be popping up for the 2nd out.

Fielder is looking totally lost at the plate. Anytime he's pitched inside even on a curveball that ends up over the plate he's jumping back as if to avoid getting hit. He did this 3 straight times in one at bat. He gets hit a lot, so maybe that's gone to his head? He's never been the type to go out of his way to avoid getting hit. I would say it could be that his hand or elbow are still banged up, but the way he's avoiding pitches just looks silly. If we had a real manager instead of Grandpa Turdbag he might have a chat with Fielder and see if somethings up. Maybe Fielder ran out of Boca burgers. He's gotta be the fatest vegetarian I've ever seen.

Narveson looked damn good again. He seemed to lose some control after walking the DB pitcher in the 6th; however, I thought it was kinda bullshit that Granpa No-Emotion Turdbag took him out with a man on first and second. He earned the right to throw to at least one more hitter. Coffey got out of the inning with no damage, but it still pisses me off. Macha is basically saying to his young pitcher that he doesnt' have faith in him to get out of a jam.

Congrats to Jody Gerut hitting for the Cycle on Saturday. I hadn't really heard him do an interview before, but he was on the pre-game today. Sounded very intelligent and didn't say "Yeah, You know" a single time. Perhaps he should be giving english lessons to others on the team?

Oh and by the way, since reinstituting the Sweep Manatee the Brewers are 5 and 1.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Sweep the Snakes

Or at least win 2...

Ely who?

I fell asleep in the 8th inning, so I didn't see the rally or the grand salami to lose it until this morning.

This was John Ely's first start at Dodgers stadium in his rookie year with the Dodgers. In typical fashion the Crew looked lost at the plate for most of the game. Even though Ely was barely touching 90MPH, he dominated. What's with the brewers always losing to obscure / rookie pitching?

Bush pitched fairly well once he settled down. The error that ended up costing Bush 2 runs was all on Fielder. I watched the game recap this morning and heard they charged the error to McGehee?! What the hell is that? The ball was right in his glove, you have to catch that. I know errors happen, but you'd expect more from a player talking about his value being 200 Million. I can't get over that, so I'm going to point it out every time fat boy screws up.

It's good to see us battle back at the end. Mr. Clutch Counsell comes through yet again. Zaun also had a good night and the game tying RBI. I would still rather see Kottaras more often, even with Zaun hitting more consistently. I think I'm just going to start calling Zaun "Not Jason Kendall" Even at 0-21 he was still "Not jason Kendall"

Does it seem like we've been on the road for a damn eternity? The last few years we've started out on the road more than I can ever remember. Another series in AZ before coming home to face the Braves. This West coast trip has taken a lot out of Clown. I think Clown and the Brewers need a nice central time home stand. (did I just refer to myself in the 4th person? Nice.)

Braun definitely continues to be amazing, Obviously.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010


The sweep manatee takes full credit for yesterdays win. Although, I was a bit worried toward the end there. Our pitchers really need to start going deeper or we're going to have a burned out bullpen like last year.

I think Narveson is settling in nicely.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

You know you're having a bad season when...

The top stories on Brewers.com are this:

It's sad when a top story is Hoffman converting a save...

My Bad

I just realized why we've sucked so much this year. I have totally forgotten to post the smoking dirt bike riding sweep manatee...

Problem solved! The Dodgers are in trouble now. Bozos.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Doumit is Creepy

Hoffman - Ouch

The Pirates got a bit of revenge last night as they hoisted the Jolly Roger and broke their 22 game losing streak at Miller Park in grand fashion. Hoffman came in with a 3-2 lead and left with a 7-3 deficit after crazy evil bug eyed Ryan Doumit smashed a grand slam.

Holy Shit Houston... We have a problem!

This is kind of a touchy situation. When Hoffman was brought on last year he was guaranteed the closing role. Has he been guaranteed the same this year? I realize he's only handful of saves away from 600, but how long can we sit by and watch games slip away as he gets lit up? Hoffman is a legend... A shoe in for the Hall... It's Hells Bells.... How big of assholes will the Brewers look if he is taken out of the closing role this close to 600?

Perhaps it's time for Hoffman to suffer one of Doug Melvin's patented fake injuries and take some time off to sort out whatever is going on. Take a rehab assignment and get your confidence back throwing your change-up against A ball guys.

I don't think they should play Hell's Bells anymore until he records another save. They should play some shitty AC/DC song like... Given the dog a bone.