Monday, August 24, 2009

Hound from Hell

First let me preface this by saying we do not abuse animals and she is very well taken care of. Probably way too well for all her antics.

The dog pictured above is my girlfriends. Isn't she cute!? Yes, If you consider pure evil cute. This is the worst pet I have ever seen. Biting me, urinating and shitting on every inch of carpeting I own is nothing compared to the following inventory of items she has eaten:


Underwear - I had a pair of american flag boxers (TMI) which I didn't know she had ate until she shit them out. You could see patches of flags in her shit all over the yard.

Glasses - That's correct, she ate the glass, designer frames, everything.

Jeans - Ate the pockets and ass area out of several pairs of my jeans.

Gum - She must enjoy spearmint

Baseball cards - These were vintage police cards and others from the 80's

Eyeliner sharpener/razor - Not sure if she passed the razors eventually!?

Make up

Trash - I suppose most dogs do this, but we have a special container now to prevent it and she just knocks it over.

Cat shit - She has a taste for the cat poo. If you leave the house for 2 minutes she'll be in the cat box like it's the buffet at Golden Cowrall. She pretends like she didn't do anything, but the litter around her mouth kinda gives it away.

Athletic Tape

Paperback books - Unfortunately, it was not Ethan Frome. What a piece of shit book that was.

A sweater

Tennis shoes

Toilet paper

A potted plant - Including dirt


A rug

Candle wax

If anyone ever offers you a free Australian Cattle Dog aka. Red Heeler aka. A dingo aka. Satan Spawn just say NO! (Unless it's me offering you this dog, then please take it!)

Fortunately, she is 8 years old, which I think is like 65 in dog years? Maybe she'll retire from eating my shit and move to Florida...


Anonymous said...

I'll take the dog off your hands.
Michael Vick

Clown said...


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