Doumit is Creepy

Hoffman - Ouch

The Pirates got a bit of revenge last night as they hoisted the Jolly Roger and broke their 22 game losing streak at Miller Park in grand fashion. Hoffman came in with a 3-2 lead and left with a 7-3 deficit after crazy evil bug eyed Ryan Doumit smashed a grand slam.

Holy Shit Houston... We have a problem!

This is kind of a touchy situation. When Hoffman was brought on last year he was guaranteed the closing role. Has he been guaranteed the same this year? I realize he's only handful of saves away from 600, but how long can we sit by and watch games slip away as he gets lit up? Hoffman is a legend... A shoe in for the Hall... It's Hells Bells.... How big of assholes will the Brewers look if he is taken out of the closing role this close to 600?

Perhaps it's time for Hoffman to suffer one of Doug Melvin's patented fake injuries and take some time off to sort out whatever is going on. Take a rehab assignment and get your confidence back throwing your change-up against A ball guys.

I don't think they should play Hell's Bells anymore until he records another save. They should play some shitty AC/DC song like... Given the dog a bone.

Cubs Comment

There was a good comment about my Cubs fan incident that I would like to post:

Rex Jaybels said...

I won't deny that there are plenty of asshole fans on the Cubs side, but let's not go so far as to think there aren't some following every team.

I am a Cubs fan who has lived in Milwaukee for 13 years, and I have encounters every time I go to Miller Park. This weekend I was there with my wife, who happens to be newly pregnant, and as we were walking to our cars two guys threw peanuts at me from there car and yelled, "Cubs Suck and so do you."

At which I point I kept walking with only a smile. The car followed us all the way to our car harassing us the whole way with slurs about me and my wife. Had she not been pregnant I would have ran up and knocked the guy out, but I didn't want anything to happen to her.

So before you go proclaiming all cubs fans are idiots, realize that we are not all that way. I have loved the Cubs since I was a child, and trust me, I hate that guy already as much as you do, but he doesn't represent an entire fan base, just as your fan base isn't represented by this one car load of jerks either.

The bottom line is this, "people are assholes." Some of them happen to go to baseball games. I'm glad to hear that this asshole got what was coming to him.

Here is my rambling response:

I would never condone any kind of violence towards Cubs fans at Miller Park especially directed at you and your pregnant wife. That's pussy bullshit and the bozo's that did that should be arrested along with the asshole that attacked me. I will be the first to admit that there are plenty of dirty people in this state as well. (See typical Packer fan who lives in Cudahy) The problem is that people from Milwaukee already hated people from Chicago long before the Brewers ever joined the NL and had this new Cubs "Rivalry". FIB is not an term of endearment.... Although, I've been to several Bears / Packers games at Lambeau and never saw any issues. Packers / Bears I would consider an actual Rivalry. The Cubs / Brewers I would just consider a fucking annoyance.

What angers me the most as a Brewers fan is it appears Chicago fans have an attitude of entitlement. I've heard the phrase "Wrigley Field North" far too many times. It's great that Cubs fans travel well, but this is still OUR PARK. This type of attitude is definitely not going to ingratiate you with Brewers fans. (Not that we have to like you, but we shouldn't hate you) I think any pleasantries between fans went out the window a while ago and it's only getting worse.

I guess I don't understand the hatred from Cubs fans because you can't spit without hitting a FIB in Lake Geneva, Door County, Minocqua, etc. If you hate our state and teams so much, why do you come up here?! Stay home if you hate it that much!

I'm not talking directly to you Rex.. Obviously, you live here now so that's a little different. We need to work on converting you!

Wackadoo

22 straight wins at home against the Pirates. We've outscored the Pirates something like 53-3 in the past 4 meetings? The craziest part was probably Greg Zaun actually getting 4 hits tonight, 2 of which were his first of the year from the right side.

I think it's safe to say that we own the Pirates souls. How long can this continue? I'm afraid for a turning point where the Pirates beat our ass for a very long stretch. Everything evens out eventually... Right?

I didn't see the attendance, but there were visibly far less fans then there have been lately. I can't imagine why? Maybe don't get your ass handed to you by the most hated team with the biggest shit bag fans ever at home. (I'm still pissed)

(I have to interupt this post as Suppan is currently doing everything he can to throw away 17 runs. They aren't yelling Soup you bozo, that's BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!)

I'd love to stay on this high, but I know as soon as we're done with the Pirates we'll be back to not hitting a damn thing. I guess I'll just enjoy the next two games and hope we can keep some momentum for the road.

I very much look forward to Narveson starting on Wednesday. He's had a rough time in the bullpen, but I have a feeling that's all about to change. He's just built to be a starting pitcher.

UPDATE: I'm still fucking angry

As annoying as Twins fans are, I've never been assaulted. I've had issues with their retarded driving, but never has it come to blows. I think they are only annoying though because we always lose and in the end that's our problem.

Never once have I had any kind of issue with a Cardinals fan. I've even heard from many people that they are nice to Brewers fans when we go to St. Louis. I'm not saying I don't hate the Cardinals and their crybaby I'm old school you can't untuck bullshit, this is just about the fans.

I've been to many White Sox games at both Miller Park and County Stadium. They actually come to watch baseball not get hammered and "look to fight someone all day". Never had a problem. Amazing being that Cubs fans say they are all south side trash...

As I mentioned before the Tigers fans for the Exhibition games this year were cool shit. Another group of people that actually came to watch baseball. I enjoyed that series. Thanks again to the awesome Tigers fans next to us that let us sit under their E-Z Up in the pouring rain.

Why is it all these fans can come to Milwaukee and have a good time without starting trouble, but the Cubs fans can't seem to avoid it?! I'm getting sick of hearing "It's a rivalry!" No, it's not. Rivalries have a home field advantage some of the time, we never do.

I'm fed up. I want back in the AL. "Taking this thing National" was the stupidest fucking thing ever.

Fuck.

Never Again

I had the joy of going to what will surely be my last Cubs game at Miller Park on Saturday. I've said before that I would never go back, but after this weekend I'd rather have a living snake shoved up my ass.

First off, why are we messing with the rotation just before the Cubs series? We take our best pitchers and put them against the Pirates and put the bottom of the rotation against the Cubs?! Yes, Dempster vs. Suppan is a great matchup. Good thinking Macha! Actually, DD pitched pretty well. It's not his fault that we couldn't hit anything with RISP. Although, it wasn't very often there was anyone in that position anyway. I don't understand how you can score 46 runs in 4 games and then nothing. I know it was the Pirates and Nationals, but they are still major league pitchers.

If the Brewer players and front office wonder why there are so many Cubs fans vs. Brewers fans just take a look at this series for answers. You suck against the Cubs at home. If Brewers fans are going to put up with the asshole fans from Chicago then we at least want to see some wins to shut them up and make it tolerable.

Why do I say the Cubs fans are assholes?! Maybe because of shitbags like this... Walking out of the stadium with two of my friends to our car in about the 8th inning we came upon a single Cubs fan wandering around. As we passed him he said in my face "The Brewers fucking suck!". Should I have let this go to avoid confrontation? Probably, but I had already been subject to a shitty game and asshole fans inside. Myself, not being one to take bullshit from assholes I said back to him "Fuck you and the Cubs". At this point he got in my face and proclaimed "Let's go, I've been looking for a fight all day!". I don't recall how it escalated from there except at some point he took a swing which I partially blocked and it glanced off my face. I was a little stunned that this was even happening and didn't really feel like going to jail fighting some dirty fucktard, but before I knew it he had attempted to tackle me except he rammed me into a car. My friend grabbed him and tried to get him away from us and it was at this point he punch my friend and did the same stupid tackling maneuver. (why is it every dirtbag now thinks they are a UFC shootfighter?). Now, Clown was fucking angry. Just as he got my friend down with his pussy Shitcago ground fighting I took a running start and kicked him in the sternum so hard there is no way I didn't crack a rib. I went to my knees wrapped my arm around his neck and began to insert my thumb into his eye. I said something like "This is over now". He said in a choked out voice "truce". He got up and ran away holding his side.

I'm so glad that you drove all the way from Shitcago so that you could look for a fight all day.

Why do Cubs fans suck?!!!

Never again.

36-1

I know it's the Pirates, but we just outscored them in the series 36-1. That's insane. Being that there were only like 5000 people at the games this week, I can't imagine the attendance after the Brewers made them look silly. Towards the end of the game yesterday the Pirate fans were cheering for the Brewers.

I really can't imagine a better time for the Scrubs to roll into Miller Park. Braun is just killing it, Weeks is for real, McGehee is rockin and Fielder got the HR monkey off his back.

I'm so excit.... Shit, Suppan's pitching. Ugh...

Side by side comparison

I believe this to be an accurate comparison of Gregg Zaun's speed...

Seth McClung spotted in Nashville

A guy I know was at the Sounds game in Nashville this past Saturday and saw Seth McClung in the bullpen. Big Red was cut from the Marlins on March 30th, so I wonder if he was visiting, working out, trying out?? I don't have further details right now, but he's definitely not on the sounds current roster.

Interesting!

Gregg Zaun - Bum Fighter

During the post game show for todays game they interviewed Zaun and asked about blocking the plate after the throw from Gomez. This is part of what he had to say:

"If you can do some damage with the mask. If you can use it as a weapon that's always good"

He may have had a hitless streak that rivaled Brad Nelson to start the season, but with comments like that, you gotta love him.

We may have lost Jason the 'Hobo' Kendall, but we gained Gregg 'Bum Fighter' Zaun.

Awesome Uecker Quote

"That can really hurt when you get fisted." "You'll probably have to use some ice."

Just a bit worried

The series against the Cards' was hard to watch at times. It's hard not to cringe when your future hall of fame closer implodes two games in a weekend and your All Star 3 and 4 can't get a hit to save their lives. Let's start with the negatives. (Mainly because I'm an asshole)...

Saturday's game was atrocious all around. I'm not sure what's going on with Gallardo, but he needs to figure it out right quick. I'd hate to blame this on Peterson, but I think his crazy curly mullet may be distracting our pitchers. I can't stare directly at his hair, it's like Medusa. Last time I looked directly at it I busted out Air Supply and watched Knight Rider. Nobody needs that! It's also a sad day when the only person that can get a hit is Corey Hart. I still find it very difficult to not hope that he fails because he's such a douche.

The pitch Stavinoha crushed off Hoffman Friday night was a good one. I give Stavinoha all the credit for going that far outside and tagging it that hard. Then we move to last night... I'm not sure what the fuck Hoffman is thinking trying to pump 85 MPH "fastballs" past Pujols and Holliday. Did he forget how to throw his changeup?! Here's a newsflash Hoff, without that pitch you blow. The game ended too late to stay up and watch interviews after, so I didn't hear if there was an explanation for the pitch selection. I have to admit that I'm just a bit worried about Hoffman closing this season. He was terrible all spring and really hasn't found his groove. I know it's early and he's only blown a couple games, but at this point Hells Bells is more like Tinker Bell.

As far as positives...

Weeks is continuing where he left off last season. Dare I say bust out year?! He just seems to have a lot more confidence, is seeing the ball and crushing everything.

Fielder is really struggling. (how is this a positive?) Because he got really pissed off and was throwing shit around. I used to hate his outbursts, but it seems that when he's hard on himself he turns shit around. After he scared the shit out of Edmonds by tearing apart the dugout he got a hit.

There were questions going into this season about McGehee and whether last season was a fluke. If you look at his overall numbers from the minors they aren't anywhere near what he's been able to accomplish with the Brewers. McGehee has a message for all those that questioned his abilities... Fuck you! PS. Home run bitches! WHOOOOOOO!

What an awesome end to a shitty series. Should have been 2 out of 3, but at least we're back to .500. Now let's go into Chicago and beat a team with a mascot that is not indigenous to the region. When was the last time a bear cub strolled into Chicago? Right.

Jason Kendall diagnosed with A.D.D - Attention Dumpster Disorder

Jason Kendall has admitted to taking Adderall, but says it had nothing to do with performance enhancement. When reached for comment Jason had this to say: "Are you kidding? Have you seen me play the last 3 years? It should be painfully obvious that my performance wasn't enhanced. I was taking Adderall for A.D.D., Attention Dumpster Disorder. The hobo in me can't stop thinking about dumpsters while playing ball. It's very distracting. Let's see you hit a slider while thinking about refuse"

RIP Corey Haim

It's a sad day in 80's land as Corey Haim finally kicked it. I can't believe he lived this long.

I can't feel too sorry for Haim, because I'm pretty sure he Eiffel Towered Nicole Eggert with Corey Feldman. I think he tapped Heather Graham too. Isn't life complete after that anyway?

I guess there won't be a Lost Boys part 3 unless they do it Weekend at Bernies style.

Junk Truck'n - Junk Van'n

I'm still working on the Brewers preview post, so here's some junk to tide you over.

This gem can be found in the Delafield Fish Hatchery parking lot. It's been tagged for removal, but if you hurry you might still be able to catch a glimpse.


I guess I've become somewhat desensitized to shitty vans with plastic for a back window, but this thing has so much more to offer. One awesome feature is the baby bib hanging out the back door...


I'm so glad that you have a baby riding in this fucking death trap. Maybe wrapping it up until you could afford a van with a rear window would have been a better idea? The bib goes right along with the shitty baby diaper on the dashboard:


I have a feeling that if they left a shitty diaper on the dashboard this warning may go unheeded:


My favorite part of all though would have to be the empty Marlboro pack obviously smoked while waiting for a ride from Racine. (I'm just guessing)

Arctic Tailgate

Why would you sit for days in the cold waiting for opening day tickets when you could just buy a 9 pack and get it for free? These morons say they are die hard Brewers fans, but they won't spend $130 to get a 9 pack of games? Reading some of these stories you hear excuses like "I'm married and have kids, so I can't commit to that many games". Really? But you can commit to 4 days sleeping in a parking lot away from your family? The people that are doing this are in it for the party and that's it.

Looking at the pictures there seemed to be a lot of Packers gear as well, which I always love to see... You're such a huge fan, but yet you can't buy some Brewers shit?

With all the money you morons spent on food, wood, clothing, etc., you could have called Ticket King and bought an opening day ticket for the same amount without getting frostbite. My friends and I have started a new tradition. We go to one persons house, crack a beer at 8am and order tickets online as they go on sale at the same fucking time.

Duh.

Junk Truck'n!

It's been a while, but it's time for another installment of Junk Truck'n! (you know you love it!)

Today's truck could be spotted at the Hwy 100 Hobo on Sunday. I don't think I've seen this much rust and dents on a vehicle since my 1979 Camaro. It's like someone took a golf iron covered in salt and bashed the shit out of every inch for 15 years. The tailgate is nicely held up by a piece of rope. That would make me feel real safe driving behind it will all this shit in the back:



My favorite is when Junk Trucks are hauling junk. A box fan, 2 milk crates, an office chair and a bunch of brake lines and other random twisted metal fill the bed of this champion of rust. I'm kinda disappointed that hobo's have not stolen the metal for recycling money. See what happens when Kendall leaves town?!

Life begins again

Pitchers and catchers reported on Saturday, which was not a day too soon as I'm in my usual Winter funk and getting ready to make a balloon noose. My expectations for 2010 are much higher coming into spring than they were in beginning of the off-season. I know I said I was throwing in the towel a long time ago, but I was just pissed off about not bringing back the Hobo. (Rest assured that I will continue to follow Kendall and update you on his bean situation throughout the year!)

The most interesting thing about spring training has to be the pitching. With a lot of competition for the 5 spot in the rotation it will be interesting to see who impresses. Personally, I'd like to see Narveson get the spot, but I realize that's a long shot. I don't know what the hell they are going to do with Suppan, but his job is definitely in jeopardy. Like I've mentioned before, Bush and Suppan have zero value in the bullpen. Bush always has a rocky first inning and Suppan just plain sucks.

I predicted long, long ago that Jonathan Lucroy would be at the very least the backup catcher. With Zaun being 38, whoever is the backup should get plenty of playing time. Then again it's Macha, so he'll probably play 140 games. What I don't want to see is Lucroy getting no playing time and having a breakdown like Gamel. I think Lucroy has a real future and I don't want to see him mismanaged.

I'm working on a 2010 preview post that should be up by weeks end. I feel reinvigorated!

One thing is for sure, I'm ready for baseball!

What is the problem asshole?

For some reason I've been really craving Bloody Mary's all the time lately. I've noticed that every time I order one the bartender gives me attitude. Yes, I realize it's 6PM. Is there some unwritten law that a Bloody Mary can only be drank in the morning? Why is this any more difficult to make then something like a Long Island? What's so fucking hard about putting some juice, vodka, worcestershire sauce, bitters and some tabasco in a glass? Is it because of all the frills that go in with it? All I want is a pickle asshole, I don't need all the fru fru crap. I'm sorry I don't want a tap from your dirty ass lines with fruit flies that you haven't cleaned for 5 years that gave me the shits last time.

I've decided that from now on anywhere I go the first drink I'm ordering is a Bloody Mary. My friend Mr. Del Taco had a great idea; if I get attitude then I'm asking for a mojita. Go muddle me some fresh mint while you talk like Foghorn Leghorn bitch. Oh, and Enjoy your zero tip fucko.

Outrageous

I really can't believe what I just read. Hart won the arbitration hearing. I didn't think he had a snowballs chance in hell.

If you're gonna be making 4.8 million you better keep your fucking mouth shut this year and develop some plate discipline. I can't handle another year of you "not taking pitches" and then complaining about fans who put your hillbilly ass in the All Star game.

Isn't Gabe Gross still available?! Yeah, I said it!

Better things to do with Corey Harts money

Today is douche extraordinaire Corey Hart's arbitration hearing. Hart is requesting 4.8 million for the 2010 season. This to me is a total joke. There is no way in hell he is worth anywhere near that. Swinging at shit in the dirt in the playoffs, talking smack about Milwaukee and it's fan, getting stupid fucking tattoos of tractors.... All in a days work for this tool.

I have thought of a much better use for 4.8 million dollars. I give you (drum roll) the 'Pissing away Corey Harts money zone'.

Every time someone hits a home run instead of a refreshing mist of water Bernie will make it rain various denominations. Dolla dolla bill y'all!

I think this is a much better alternative than giving this hillbilly cousin porking fucktard any money.

Crew Re-Signs Doug Davis

I guess the Brewers are out of the Ben Sheets foreign lottery. I'm sure someone else will fall for your scam Barrister Sheets. I think the only thing Sheets hasn't been on the DL with yet is Ebola. if I were you I wouldn't even let him watch the movie 'Out of Africa'.

Who'd we trade Davis for a few years ago.... Oh yeah... Johnny Estrada. Good Call Porn Stache Extraordinaire.

Davis is basically guaranteed a starting spot along with Wolf, Gallardo and Parra. who will be the odd man out now (Bush or Suppan) and will they wait until spring to make the decision?
Neither Bush or Suppan have any value in the bullpen. Bush has always been terrible the first couple innings and Suppan just sucks all the time. Suppan's contract pretty much guarantees him a spot and I doubt they will have enough room on the roster to carry both in any capacity. I like Bush and I'll be sorry to see the only pitcher to not choke in the playoffs go.

JunkTruck'n - Junk Van'n

Saw this beast at the Potawatomi parking structure. Just a thought, but Next time you "fix" your rear window with duct tape, maybe think about using clear plastic? I've seen better laid out plans from Wile E. Coyote.



The best part has to be this:


Yes, that is in fact "The Club" across the steering wheel. Couple things here...

1. Really? The demo derby isn't in town, so I think you're safe.

2. The Club is like $50, maybe you should invest that in a real back window that isn't made from Flavorite trash bags?

3. When you called your insura.... Ok, I can't even do this one without laughing

4. Your lack of rear window makes me think that being at a casino probably isn't the best life choice at this venture. (Unless you were hitting up the 'Press Your Luck' slot)

And of course, what Junk Van would be complete without body clips:

Too cool for school?

What are the odds that Fielder doesn't show up for the Brewers OnDeck? looking at his track record of skipping two block parties he was scheduled to attend, I would say very likely. He also briefly appeared in the balcony of the Winter Warmup at the Riverside last year days after signing his multi-year deal. You could tell he didn't want to be there and basically said three words "Yeah, you know" and did not take part in the show.

Prince, you're an amazing talent. You had arguably the best season in Brewers history last year and I hope some how we sign you long term. That being said; This city has supported you through your veggie induced Parra shoving, contract anger, tax evasion, attempting to bust into locker rooms to throw down, etc. You have 18 million reasons to show up. Do the right thing.

Women with your Breakfast

I know I talk about TV a lot, that's mainly because I have no life.

The show Parks and Recreation is pretty damn funny if you haven't seen it. Like tonights episode where Ron (above) discribes his love of breakfast and dark haired women:

"I'm a simple man. I like pretty, dark-haired women and breakfast food. But this stock photo I bought at a framing store isn't real. Today I got the real thing. A naked Tammy made me breakfast this morning. I should have taken a picture of it."

After he ends the relationship he puts back up a picture of just breakfast.

I'm oddly hungry and horny...