Casa de Machado

No way in hell did Braun juice

2011-12-12T10:41:00.007-06:00

Everyone is jumping on the bandwagon to crucify Braun for his alleged use of PED's. I was in shock just like anyone else when my friend texted me the news. After the initial shock and before reading anything about the story I immediately had doubts to its validity. I understand that test results are rarely if ever proven false, but let's keep in mind a few things before we go off the deep end like a bunch of ESPN line towing lemming morons.

A. This story should never have seen the light of day until the arbitration hearing was complete and a suspension was upheld. Braun deserves his day in court like anyone else accused of wrong doing.

B. There has been so much conflicting information released that it's impossible to know what the truth really is.

C. Sources have stated the test results were higher than any other since testing began in 2005. If that is true, do you honestly think that Braun is stupid enough to juice that much during the playoffs? There are clearly extenuating circumstances in this case.

D. Braun is way too confident a person to ever knowingly take PED's. IF the ruling is upheld I can say without a doubt that it was not a roid, but a supplement. Seriously, if Braun was juiced and hit a ball it would instantly burst into flames and fly into fucking lake Michigan.

E. Braun has always been a model citizen, player and a generally great guy for the city. I understand that many people feel duped now as if it was all fake. I truly believe in his character. He may be cocky (obviously), but I absolutely do not believe he's a cheat.

And now what? He's already been thrown under the bus without due process. His reputation is undoubtedly tarnished forever regardless of the outcome. Even if he's proven innocent there will always be detractors. Whatever dickhole douche released this info and ESPN as a whole should have their journalistic credentials to any MLB function revoked.

Am I biased? Yep. However, I'm the type of person that if it came out Pujols was in this situation I would honestly feel the same way. If it comes out that Braun was in fact juiced... then I will understand fans being upset, but not nailing him to the wheel. How quickly we forget what Braun has done for our beloved Brew Crew.

I was one of about 5 people standing and clapping when Braun was first brought up. I hope to not be one of 5 people applauding him PLAYING OPENING DAY!

Until then, the next person that comes up to me and says "Braun's a juicer" is getting punched in their fucking brain.

GAME 5

2011-10-07T10:49:00.002-05:00

If you're not excited for today you better check your pulse, as you are probably part of the zombie apocalypse.

The manatee says we're winning this shit!

Brewers Clinch Home Field

2011-09-29T08:33:00.005-05:00

I was at the game last night and it seemed like the crowd was lethargic. At certain points like standing O's for Counsell and Fielder things got rowdy, but in general I was not impressed with the energy at Miller Park. I know it was a week night game, but it's the 9th inning, the Axman commeth, we're about to clinch home field and you choose to stay seated?? GET THE FUCK UP!

I did get to see what will probably be Counsell's last hit and Fielders last regular season game as a Brewer. I also very much enjoyed the sign held up by the guy in the top bleacher section that read "Are you watching Arizona?"

Bring on the D-Bags

Daron Sutton has a question

2011-09-28T12:10:00.004-05:00

If you didn't hear, Daron Sutton (former Crew TV Announcer) yelled "Are you watching, Milwaukee!?" as the D-Bags walked off on a grand slam last night.

Well, Daron, judging by the number of fans in the D-Bags park last night more people in Milwaukee were watching than in the whole transplant state of AZ. How many "fans" were still there to watch ONE extra inning of baseball that has such heavy playoff implications?

Congrats on selling 2 million tickets! There are what, 4.2 million people in your metro area? You truly do have the greatest fans in baseball! Maybe this time around you can actually sell out your stadium for a playoff game?

Have fun playing the Phillies in the NLDS bozo, cause we're shoving that comment straight up your ass.

This should make you feel better

2011-09-16T08:45:00.003-05:00

Here was the lineup from Monday, Sept. 14th 2009:

2B Felipe Lopez
SS Craig Counsell
3B Casey McGehee
1B Prince Fielder
CF Mike Cameron
RF Jody Gerut
C Jason Kendall
LF Frank Catalanotto
P Jeff Suppan

HA! This wasn't even a Sunday... I just puked a little.

This should do it!

2011-09-16T08:10:00.010-05:00

Time to sweep the Reds and lock this shit up. The Manatee says so and also has a message for McGehee...

Choppy McRally killer / Long overdue angry update

2011-09-15T10:44:00.008-05:00

Let's see, my last update was in mid June... I'm trying to remember the topic... Oh, I know, Casey "Chopper" McGehee! Back then I couldn't imagine a scenario where he would still be in the lineup and:

A. Choose a new song that is just as bad
B. Continue to bat .230
C. Continue to show zero range at 3B because he's a fat slob with blown out knees
D. Not be moved down in the order!!!!!!!!!!!! (Until now)
E. Bring up a replacement from Nashville so he can sit on the bench

I realize there are more reasons than just Chopper for this deja vu late season collapse; however, how many times are we going to have to watch Chopper hit into a double play after hitting directly to 3B. This love fest of McGehee needs to end... If you are cheering for him, you are partly responsible for him still being in the lineup. I'm not saying you have to boo, but this unwarranted loud cheering for such a shitty player that has done nothing all year needs to end. Finally moving him down in the order when Weeks returned did nothing but prolong the agony of watching him Chop.

So, we've silenced Nyjer Morgan AKA T-Plush because Chris CarpenterAnt and Alberta Poohole were offended? This team is built on Douche-Baggery.... Stopping that is like ripping their hearts out. Fielder having meat rage, Braun staring down pitchers after a HR, Untucking, bowling pin walkoff, Beast mode, I love it all. The fact that this team is so full of themselves and yet have accomplished squat except a forgettable Wild Card run, makes these antics that much better! It clearly gets into other teams heads. Anything that bothers Tony LaDoucha is cool with me. I say fuck it, let this team run wild. We should have Untucked against the Cards while the crowd chanted SHINGLES SHINGLES!

Apparently, Yuni's name is actually pronounced BetanCOOOOR. Good thing we got that figured out after like 6 years.... No one cares, hit the ball bozo. Just be glad you're not back in Cuba driving a 1947 coupe and eating dirt.

Do I think we're going to make the playoffs... Obviously.
Do I think we're going to get passed the NLDS... Is Chopper still in the lineup followed by BentanCOOOOOOOOOR!?

Regardless if K-Rod isn't happy and Fielder is leaving next year (for a different post) it's time to get shit done. Cross your T's and dial up your douchyness because it's go time.

McGehee is straight up garbage

2011-06-15T12:31:00.005-05:00

I think what put me over the edge here besides him chopping every ball to third is his terrible entrance music. I can't handle listening to this shitty Skynyrd remake of Simple Man any longer. Every time I hear it my ears bleed. I literally cover my ears when I'm at the stadium. How can anyone possibly think that's a quality remake of a classic Skynyrd song? You would have to have rocks in your fucking head.

I really wanted to see McGehee succeed to rub it in to the Cubs. I think at this point the reality is there's a reason he wasn't protected.... His shitty taste in music.

It makes me miss the days of Frank Catalanotto. Sing it with me... Josie's on a vacation far away!

Fuck you and your Mike Vick hot reads

2010-11-22T12:40:00.009-06:00

How many times did Collinsdouche say "hot read" and "Mike Vick" last night? How many times are you going to call him by his full name? The love fest had gotten so bad I thought he was going to leave the booth to suck him off on the field. Obviously Vick has told everyone that he goes by Mike now as some way of reinventing himself.

I still hate you whether you go by Michael, Mike, Mikey, Ron Mexico.... Oh, you forgot about that? Yeah, not only did he personally electrocute, drown and stab dogs he also gave Herpes to a woman and checked into a clinic under the alias 'Ron Mexico'. His name was also registered to a truck that was busted in a drug trafficking operation. This guy IS NOT SORRY. People that do shit like that do not have a conscience and therefore do not give a fuck. The only thing he's sorry for is that he got caught.

Yes, he did his time. Yes, he got sent up the river while Sir Stabbalot, Ray Lewis got off. Whatever, that guys a pile of shit too. The NFL needs to set an example and not let these assholes back in the game.

If you want to be a felonious piece of trash go play in the NBA. I heard their down with that.

Brent Favrerer

2010-11-22T11:50:00.002-06:00

I think the smirk on Rodgers face says it all. It was great to watch the Vikings implode on field and off. I thought by this time today I would have already heard the news that Childress was fired and Bart Farve was retiring. Had Brant Fevre retired instead of going to the Vikings by way of the Jets he could have been arguably the best of all time and a hero for all eternity in Green Bay. Now, he's a fucking cock smuggler. It's almost guaranteed that if and when Bert Firvy's number is retired in Green Bay at least half the stadium will be booing. Enjoy your destroyed legacy and your tiny dick fucko.

UPDATE: Apparently, as I was writing this Childress got fired. It's almost guaranteed that Favre gets benched and retires.

Roenicke, already not Ken Macha

2010-11-05T16:15:00.005-05:00

It seems to me that there are a lot of pessimistic assholes out there, or maybe I just shouldn't read JSonline comments... Guess I should have learned that lesson long ago.

I can already tell fundamental differences between Roenicke and Grandpa Macha or Forest Yost. You can tell he wants to build quality relationships with players and not just manage from the sideline. We have a younger nucleus on this team and they're not going to respect a manager that benches them without valid reasoning or explanation. Macha never related to players and you could tell that right off the bat.

If you listened to the press conference then you heard him get choked up when asked about the death of Nick Adenhart of the Angels. This really struck a chord with me. It's nice to see a little emotion from time to time. Now, if he starts crying when someone strikes out, then we've got a problem.

My friend did point out though that his voice sounds very similar to Yost. Although, I don't think we have to worry about him saying "Soup pitched great" Anytime soon.

Clown is officially on record as liking the Roenicke hire. Except that name is annoying to spell. There's no rule for O before E except after R.

Now dump fielder, get some pitching and extend Braun through 2048.

The countdown is on.

Brewers, Turning up the suck

2010-07-08T07:49:00.003-05:00

I highly doubt we're going to make up 11.5 games by the end of the season. We're now behind the Cubs in the division. Sad, but at this point the season is probably over already. I'll continue to watch every game as I always do and hope for a miracle.

Last nights game was kinda funny if you watched the debacle until the end. Mota came in and had to pitch to Fielder. If you remember it was Mota that hit Fielder last year causing Fielder to go into a rage and charge the Dodgers club house. Mota basically pitched everything way outside and avoided getting anywhere near Prince. Also, Escobar took the field in the 8th playing right field! Nothing was hit to him, but it was kinda funny to watch. I was hoping to see a ball right between him and Gomez to see a foot race.

I like Narveson, but man that guys got issues with consistency. I don't understand how so many Brewers pitchers can look great one game and complete shit the next. I can understand getting lit up once in a while, but this is pathetic. The hitting seems to have the same problems with inconsistency; score 15 runs one game and then 1 the next. I think at this point you need to look at the coaching staff. Yeah, that's probably a cop out, but what else do you do?? These players are just not motivated to put a good product on the field day in and day out. Something has to give. This team is TERRIBLE.

Resurrection

2010-07-07T12:55:00.006-05:00

Whatsup Bozo's. For all 3 of you that read this crap, you'll be glad to know or may be disappointed that I'm not dead... Life, work and other garbage that I'm forced to endure on a daily basis have kept me pretty busy this summer.

Enough with my life story, let's get down to it.

Out of all the terrible things this season has brought, it took people ripping on the greatest player to ever live, Craig Counsell, to bring me back to life. Counsell may not be putting up the career numbers he was last year, but he's still one of the best ever at working the count and is a defensive marvel. He had one fucking error people! Yes, it sucked. Yes, I screamed at the TV, but I still love CC. It just so happened that Escobar tanking the two plays the day before brought scrutiny on the position thus thrusting Counsell's throwing error into such a bad light. At least he picked it cleanly, which is the hard part. That brings us to my next subject, Escobar.

At this point, in my humble Clown opinion, Escobar sucks ass. I was all for bringing him up, so I can't say I told you so. I will say that his defense is no where near what I expected. With a team finally seeing good starting pitching, yet having lack luster hitting up and down the lineup, Escobar's recent defensive struggles are a killer. I never expected him to be a hitting phenom, but I did damn well expect above average defense. I don't think 14 errors before the All-Star break counts as "Above Average Defense". I realize he is a rookie, but when you're hitting sub .250, you better be doing something else right. Perhaps Grandpa Macha should sit him down and have a talk over some Soft Batch cookies and milk while smoking a Pall Mall non filter. Wow, flash back...

I think I was the only person that said Lucroy would be at the very least the backup catcher even before spring training started. How ya like me now!? I won't say I'm glad Zahn went down... Wait, yes I will! That guy fucking sucked. Lucroy, who shot to the majors and bypassed Angel Salome, looks damn good so far. I would definitely call him the future for catching in Milwaukee.

I still hate Macha. I've hated him since day one. I don't think anything short of a World Series bid will change my mind on that. I just don't see him motivating this team and I don't believe players respect him. Is he better then Yost? Well, yeah, but seriously? Is that saying much? I'm not looking for "better then Yost". I'm looking for at the very least, a good manager. Unfortunately, all signs point to at least one more season with Macha at the helm as he has been deemed, "not the issue"

Braun is struggling hardcore. He's been in these types of funks before, but man he's swinging at some terrible pitches. I thought he was over the swinging at low outside garbage, but he appears to be back on that shit train to nowhere. If I were a pitcher I would just throw him that crap three times in a row because he almost always swings. I still love RB, more than any straight man should, and I know he'll come out of this in the second half. He's just gotta stop pressing and get back to owning pitchers souls. Hopefully this happens before I win the Kwik Trip lunch with RB, so we can focus our conversation on his awesomeness.

Damnit, forgot again

2010-05-11T16:00:00.004-05:00

Well, it's too late to sweep, but let's get 2.

Zaunie's hackin' on 3-0

2010-05-09T19:44:00.006-05:00

It's a sweep!

I couldn't believe Zaun had the green light on 3-0, 1 out and bases loaded. He may be on somewhat of a hot streak, but you gotta take on that. It's debatable whether or not that was a ball, but it looked high to me. In a game that close you can't be popping up for the 2nd out.

Fielder is looking totally lost at the plate. Anytime he's pitched inside even on a curveball that ends up over the plate he's jumping back as if to avoid getting hit. He did this 3 straight times in one at bat. He gets hit a lot, so maybe that's gone to his head? He's never been the type to go out of his way to avoid getting hit. I would say it could be that his hand or elbow are still banged up, but the way he's avoiding pitches just looks silly. If we had a real manager instead of Grandpa Turdbag he might have a chat with Fielder and see if somethings up. Maybe Fielder ran out of Boca burgers. He's gotta be the fatest vegetarian I've ever seen.

Narveson looked damn good again. He seemed to lose some control after walking the DB pitcher in the 6th; however, I thought it was kinda bullshit that Granpa No-Emotion Turdbag took him out with a man on first and second. He earned the right to throw to at least one more hitter. Coffey got out of the inning with no damage, but it still pisses me off. Macha is basically saying to his young pitcher that he doesnt' have faith in him to get out of a jam.

Congrats to Jody Gerut hitting for the Cycle on Saturday. I hadn't really heard him do an interview before, but he was on the pre-game today. Sounded very intelligent and didn't say "Yeah, You know" a single time. Perhaps he should be giving english lessons to others on the team?

Oh and by the way, since reinstituting the Sweep Manatee the Brewers are 5 and 1.

Sweep the Snakes

2010-05-07T16:00:00.001-05:00

Or at least win 2...

Ely who?

2010-05-07T06:29:00.003-05:00

I fell asleep in the 8th inning, so I didn't see the rally or the grand salami to lose it until this morning.

This was John Ely's first start at Dodgers stadium in his rookie year with the Dodgers. In typical fashion the Crew looked lost at the plate for most of the game. Even though Ely was barely touching 90MPH, he dominated. What's with the brewers always losing to obscure / rookie pitching?

Bush pitched fairly well once he settled down. The error that ended up costing Bush 2 runs was all on Fielder. I watched the game recap this morning and heard they charged the error to McGehee?! What the hell is that? The ball was right in his glove, you have to catch that. I know errors happen, but you'd expect more from a player talking about his value being 200 Million. I can't get over that, so I'm going to point it out every time fat boy screws up.

It's good to see us battle back at the end. Mr. Clutch Counsell comes through yet again. Zaun also had a good night and the game tying RBI. I would still rather see Kottaras more often, even with Zaun hitting more consistently. I think I'm just going to start calling Zaun "Not Jason Kendall" Even at 0-21 he was still "Not jason Kendall"

Does it seem like we've been on the road for a damn eternity? The last few years we've started out on the road more than I can ever remember. Another series in AZ before coming home to face the Braves. This West coast trip has taken a lot out of Clown. I think Clown and the Brewers need a nice central time home stand. (did I just refer to myself in the 4th person? Nice.)

Braun definitely continues to be amazing, Obviously.

Yep

2010-05-05T07:20:00.002-05:00

The sweep manatee takes full credit for yesterdays win. Although, I was a bit worried toward the end there. Our pitchers really need to start going deeper or we're going to have a burned out bullpen like last year.

I think Narveson is settling in nicely.

You know you're having a bad season when...

2010-05-04T13:17:00.003-05:00

The top stories on Brewers.com are this:

It's sad when a top story is Hoffman converting a save...

My Bad

2010-05-04T08:27:00.005-05:00

I just realized why we've sucked so much this year. I have totally forgotten to post the smoking dirt bike riding sweep manatee...

Problem solved! The Dodgers are in trouble now. Bozos.

Doumit is Creepy

2010-04-28T08:06:00.002-05:00

Hoffman - Ouch

2010-04-28T07:26:00.004-05:00

The Pirates got a bit of revenge last night as they hoisted the Jolly Roger and broke their 22 game losing streak at Miller Park in grand fashion. Hoffman came in with a 3-2 lead and left with a 7-3 deficit after crazy evil bug eyed Ryan Doumit smashed a grand slam.

Holy Shit Houston... We have a problem!

This is kind of a touchy situation. When Hoffman was brought on last year he was guaranteed the closing role. Has he been guaranteed the same this year? I realize he's only handful of saves away from 600, but how long can we sit by and watch games slip away as he gets lit up? Hoffman is a legend... A shoe in for the Hall... It's Hells Bells.... How big of assholes will the Brewers look if he is taken out of the closing role this close to 600?

Perhaps it's time for Hoffman to suffer one of Doug Melvin's patented fake injuries and take some time off to sort out whatever is going on. Take a rehab assignment and get your confidence back throwing your change-up against A ball guys.

I don't think they should play Hell's Bells anymore until he records another save. They should play some shitty AC/DC song like... Given the dog a bone.

Cubs Comment

2010-04-27T12:44:00.006-05:00

There was a good comment about my Cubs fan incident that I would like to post:

Rex Jaybels said...: I won't deny that there are plenty of asshole fans on the Cubs side, but let's not go so far as to think there aren't some following every team.

I am a Cubs fan who has lived in Milwaukee for 13 years, and I have encounters every time I go to Miller Park. This weekend I was there with my wife, who happens to be newly pregnant, and as we were walking to our cars two guys threw peanuts at me from there car and yelled, "Cubs Suck and so do you."

At which I point I kept walking with only a smile. The car followed us all the way to our car harassing us the whole way with slurs about me and my wife. Had she not been pregnant I would have ran up and knocked the guy out, but I didn't want anything to happen to her.

So before you go proclaiming all cubs fans are idiots, realize that we are not all that way. I have loved the Cubs since I was a child, and trust me, I hate that guy already as much as you do, but he doesn't represent an entire fan base, just as your fan base isn't represented by this one car load of jerks either.

The bottom line is this, "people are assholes." Some of them happen to go to baseball games. I'm glad to hear that this asshole got what was coming to him.

Here is my rambling response:

I would never condone any kind of violence towards Cubs fans at Miller Park especially directed at you and your pregnant wife. That's pussy bullshit and the bozo's that did that should be arrested along with the asshole that attacked me. I will be the first to admit that there are plenty of dirty people in this state as well. (See typical Packer fan who lives in Cudahy) The problem is that people from Milwaukee already hated people from Chicago long before the Brewers ever joined the NL and had this new Cubs "Rivalry". FIB is not an term of endearment.... Although, I've been to several Bears / Packers games at Lambeau and never saw any issues. Packers / Bears I would consider an actual Rivalry. The Cubs / Brewers I would just consider a fucking annoyance.

What angers me the most as a Brewers fan is it appears Chicago fans have an attitude of entitlement. I've heard the phrase "Wrigley Field North" far too many times. It's great that Cubs fans travel well, but this is still OUR PARK. This type of attitude is definitely not going to ingratiate you with Brewers fans. (Not that we have to like you, but we shouldn't hate you) I think any pleasantries between fans went out the window a while ago and it's only getting worse.

I guess I don't understand the hatred from Cubs fans because you can't spit without hitting a FIB in Lake Geneva, Door County, Minocqua, etc. If you hate our state and teams so much, why do you come up here?! Stay home if you hate it that much!

I'm not talking directly to you Rex.. Obviously, you live here now so that's a little different. We need to work on converting you!

Wackadoo

2010-04-26T22:25:00.010-05:00

22 straight wins at home against the Pirates. We've outscored the Pirates something like 53-3 in the past 4 meetings? The craziest part was probably Greg Zaun actually getting 4 hits tonight, 2 of which were his first of the year from the right side.

I think it's safe to say that we own the Pirates souls. How long can this continue? I'm afraid for a turning point where the Pirates beat our ass for a very long stretch. Everything evens out eventually... Right?

I didn't see the attendance, but there were visibly far less fans then there have been lately. I can't imagine why? Maybe don't get your ass handed to you by the most hated team with the biggest shit bag fans ever at home. (I'm still pissed)

(I have to interupt this post as Suppan is currently doing everything he can to throw away 17 runs. They aren't yelling Soup you bozo, that's BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!)

I'd love to stay on this high, but I know as soon as we're done with the Pirates we'll be back to not hitting a damn thing. I guess I'll just enjoy the next two games and hope we can keep some momentum for the road.

I very much look forward to Narveson starting on Wednesday. He's had a rough time in the bullpen, but I have a feeling that's all about to change. He's just built to be a starting pitcher.

UPDATE: I'm still fucking angry

2010-04-26T08:55:00.004-05:00

As annoying as Twins fans are, I've never been assaulted. I've had issues with their retarded driving, but never has it come to blows. I think they are only annoying though because we always lose and in the end that's our problem.

Never once have I had any kind of issue with a Cardinals fan. I've even heard from many people that they are nice to Brewers fans when we go to St. Louis. I'm not saying I don't hate the Cardinals and their crybaby I'm old school you can't untuck bullshit, this is just about the fans.

I've been to many White Sox games at both Miller Park and County Stadium. They actually come to watch baseball not get hammered and "look to fight someone all day". Never had a problem. Amazing being that Cubs fans say they are all south side trash...

As I mentioned before the Tigers fans for the Exhibition games this year were cool shit. Another group of people that actually came to watch baseball. I enjoyed that series. Thanks again to the awesome Tigers fans next to us that let us sit under their E-Z Up in the pouring rain.

Why is it all these fans can come to Milwaukee and have a good time without starting trouble, but the Cubs fans can't seem to avoid it?! I'm getting sick of hearing "It's a rivalry!" No, it's not. Rivalries have a home field advantage some of the time, we never do.

I'm fed up. I want back in the AL. "Taking this thing National" was the stupidest fucking thing ever.

Fuck.

Never Again

2010-04-26T07:31:00.006-05:00

I had the joy of going to what will surely be my last Cubs game at Miller Park on Saturday. I've said before that I would never go back, but after this weekend I'd rather have a living snake shoved up my ass.

First off, why are we messing with the rotation just before the Cubs series? We take our best pitchers and put them against the Pirates and put the bottom of the rotation against the Cubs?! Yes, Dempster vs. Suppan is a great matchup. Good thinking Macha! Actually, DD pitched pretty well. It's not his fault that we couldn't hit anything with RISP. Although, it wasn't very often there was anyone in that position anyway. I don't understand how you can score 46 runs in 4 games and then nothing. I know it was the Pirates and Nationals, but they are still major league pitchers.

If the Brewer players and front office wonder why there are so many Cubs fans vs. Brewers fans just take a look at this series for answers. You suck against the Cubs at home. If Brewers fans are going to put up with the asshole fans from Chicago then we at least want to see some wins to shut them up and make it tolerable.

Why do I say the Cubs fans are assholes?! Maybe because of shitbags like this... Walking out of the stadium with two of my friends to our car in about the 8th inning we came upon a single Cubs fan wandering around. As we passed him he said in my face "The Brewers fucking suck!". Should I have let this go to avoid confrontation? Probably, but I had already been subject to a shitty game and asshole fans inside. Myself, not being one to take bullshit from assholes I said back to him "Fuck you and the Cubs". At this point he got in my face and proclaimed "Let's go, I've been looking for a fight all day!". I don't recall how it escalated from there except at some point he took a swing which I partially blocked and it glanced off my face. I was a little stunned that this was even happening and didn't really feel like going to jail fighting some dirty fucktard, but before I knew it he had attempted to tackle me except he rammed me into a car. My friend grabbed him and tried to get him away from us and it was at this point he punch my friend and did the same stupid tackling maneuver. (why is it every dirtbag now thinks they are a UFC shootfighter?). Now, Clown was fucking angry. Just as he got my friend down with his pussy Shitcago ground fighting I took a running start and kicked him in the sternum so hard there is no way I didn't crack a rib. I went to my knees wrapped my arm around his neck and began to insert my thumb into his eye. I said something like "This is over now". He said in a choked out voice "truce". He got up and ran away holding his side.

I'm so glad that you drove all the way from Shitcago so that you could look for a fight all day.

Why do Cubs fans suck?!!!

Never again.

36-1

2010-04-23T07:29:00.006-05:00

I know it's the Pirates, but we just outscored them in the series 36-1. That's insane. Being that there were only like 5000 people at the games this week, I can't imagine the attendance after the Brewers made them look silly. Towards the end of the game yesterday the Pirate fans were cheering for the Brewers.

I really can't imagine a better time for the Scrubs to roll into Miller Park. Braun is just killing it, Weeks is for real, McGehee is rockin and Fielder got the HR monkey off his back.

I'm so excit.... Shit, Suppan's pitching. Ugh...

Side by side comparison

2010-04-21T14:49:00.013-05:00

I believe this to be an accurate comparison of Gregg Zaun's speed...

Seth McClung spotted in Nashville

2010-04-19T10:10:00.004-05:00

A guy I know was at the Sounds game in Nashville this past Saturday and saw Seth McClung in the bullpen. Big Red was cut from the Marlins on March 30th, so I wonder if he was visiting, working out, trying out?? I don't have further details right now, but he's definitely not on the sounds current roster.

Interesting!

Gregg Zaun - Bum Fighter

2010-04-18T16:20:00.006-05:00

During the post game show for todays game they interviewed Zaun and asked about blocking the plate after the throw from Gomez. This is part of what he had to say:

"If you can do some damage with the mask. If you can use it as a weapon that's always good"

He may have had a hitless streak that rivaled Brad Nelson to start the season, but with comments like that, you gotta love him.

We may have lost Jason the 'Hobo' Kendall, but we gained Gregg 'Bum Fighter' Zaun.

Awesome Uecker Quote

2010-04-12T15:06:00.002-05:00

"That can really hurt when you get fisted." "You'll probably have to use some ice."

Just a bit worried

2010-04-12T07:11:00.006-05:00

The series against the Cards' was hard to watch at times. It's hard not to cringe when your future hall of fame closer implodes two games in a weekend and your All Star 3 and 4 can't get a hit to save their lives. Let's start with the negatives. (Mainly because I'm an asshole)...

Saturday's game was atrocious all around. I'm not sure what's going on with Gallardo, but he needs to figure it out right quick. I'd hate to blame this on Peterson, but I think his crazy curly mullet may be distracting our pitchers. I can't stare directly at his hair, it's like Medusa. Last time I looked directly at it I busted out Air Supply and watched Knight Rider. Nobody needs that! It's also a sad day when the only person that can get a hit is Corey Hart. I still find it very difficult to not hope that he fails because he's such a douche.

The pitch Stavinoha crushed off Hoffman Friday night was a good one. I give Stavinoha all the credit for going that far outside and tagging it that hard. Then we move to last night... I'm not sure what the fuck Hoffman is thinking trying to pump 85 MPH "fastballs" past Pujols and Holliday. Did he forget how to throw his changeup?! Here's a newsflash Hoff, without that pitch you blow. The game ended too late to stay up and watch interviews after, so I didn't hear if there was an explanation for the pitch selection. I have to admit that I'm just a bit worried about Hoffman closing this season. He was terrible all spring and really hasn't found his groove. I know it's early and he's only blown a couple games, but at this point Hells Bells is more like Tinker Bell.

As far as positives...

Weeks is continuing where he left off last season. Dare I say bust out year?! He just seems to have a lot more confidence, is seeing the ball and crushing everything.

Fielder is really struggling. (how is this a positive?) Because he got really pissed off and was throwing shit around. I used to hate his outbursts, but it seems that when he's hard on himself he turns shit around. After he scared the shit out of Edmonds by tearing apart the dugout he got a hit.

There were questions going into this season about McGehee and whether last season was a fluke. If you look at his overall numbers from the minors they aren't anywhere near what he's been able to accomplish with the Brewers. McGehee has a message for all those that questioned his abilities... Fuck you! PS. Home run bitches! WHOOOOOOO!

What an awesome end to a shitty series. Should have been 2 out of 3, but at least we're back to .500. Now let's go into Chicago and beat a team with a mascot that is not indigenous to the region. When was the last time a bear cub strolled into Chicago? Right.

Jason Kendall diagnosed with A.D.D - Attention Dumpster Disorder

2010-03-22T16:27:00.005-05:00

Jason Kendall has admitted to taking Adderall, but says it had nothing to do with performance enhancement. When reached for comment Jason had this to say: "Are you kidding? Have you seen me play the last 3 years? It should be painfully obvious that my performance wasn't enhanced. I was taking Adderall for A.D.D., Attention Dumpster Disorder. The hobo in me can't stop thinking about dumpsters while playing ball. It's very distracting. Let's see you hit a slider while thinking about refuse"

RIP Corey Haim

2010-03-10T10:57:00.003-06:00

It's a sad day in 80's land as Corey Haim finally kicked it. I can't believe he lived this long.

I can't feel too sorry for Haim, because I'm pretty sure he Eiffel Towered Nicole Eggert with Corey Feldman. I think he tapped Heather Graham too. Isn't life complete after that anyway?

I guess there won't be a Lost Boys part 3 unless they do it Weekend at Bernies style.

Junk Truck'n - Junk Van'n

2010-03-08T14:42:00.009-06:00

I'm still working on the Brewers preview post, so here's some junk to tide you over.

This gem can be found in the Delafield Fish Hatchery parking lot. It's been tagged for removal, but if you hurry you might still be able to catch a glimpse.

I guess I've become somewhat desensitized to shitty vans with plastic for a back window, but this thing has so much more to offer. One awesome feature is the baby bib hanging out the back door...

I'm so glad that you have a baby riding in this fucking death trap. Maybe wrapping it up until you could afford a van with a rear window would have been a better idea? The bib goes right along with the shitty baby diaper on the dashboard:

I have a feeling that if they left a shitty diaper on the dashboard this warning may go unheeded:

My favorite part of all though would have to be the empty Marlboro pack obviously smoked while waiting for a ride from Racine. (I'm just guessing)

Arctic Tailgate

2010-02-26T12:28:00.004-06:00

Why would you sit for days in the cold waiting for opening day tickets when you could just buy a 9 pack and get it for free? These morons say they are die hard Brewers fans, but they won't spend $130 to get a 9 pack of games? Reading some of these stories you hear excuses like "I'm married and have kids, so I can't commit to that many games". Really? But you can commit to 4 days sleeping in a parking lot away from your family? The people that are doing this are in it for the party and that's it.

Looking at the pictures there seemed to be a lot of Packers gear as well, which I always love to see... You're such a huge fan, but yet you can't buy some Brewers shit?

With all the money you morons spent on food, wood, clothing, etc., you could have called Ticket King and bought an opening day ticket for the same amount without getting frostbite. My friends and I have started a new tradition. We go to one persons house, crack a beer at 8am and order tickets online as they go on sale at the same fucking time.

Duh.

Junk Truck'n!

2010-02-22T13:55:00.007-06:00

It's been a while, but it's time for another installment of Junk Truck'n! (you know you love it!)

Today's truck could be spotted at the Hwy 100 Hobo on Sunday. I don't think I've seen this much rust and dents on a vehicle since my 1979 Camaro. It's like someone took a golf iron covered in salt and bashed the shit out of every inch for 15 years. The tailgate is nicely held up by a piece of rope. That would make me feel real safe driving behind it will all this shit in the back:

My favorite is when Junk Trucks are hauling junk. A box fan, 2 milk crates, an office chair and a bunch of brake lines and other random twisted metal fill the bed of this champion of rust. I'm kinda disappointed that hobo's have not stolen the metal for recycling money. See what happens when Kendall leaves town?!

Life begins again

2010-02-22T12:55:00.004-06:00

Pitchers and catchers reported on Saturday, which was not a day too soon as I'm in my usual Winter funk and getting ready to make a balloon noose. My expectations for 2010 are much higher coming into spring than they were in beginning of the off-season. I know I said I was throwing in the towel a long time ago, but I was just pissed off about not bringing back the Hobo. (Rest assured that I will continue to follow Kendall and update you on his bean situation throughout the year!)

The most interesting thing about spring training has to be the pitching. With a lot of competition for the 5 spot in the rotation it will be interesting to see who impresses. Personally, I'd like to see Narveson get the spot, but I realize that's a long shot. I don't know what the hell they are going to do with Suppan, but his job is definitely in jeopardy. Like I've mentioned before, Bush and Suppan have zero value in the bullpen. Bush always has a rocky first inning and Suppan just plain sucks.

I predicted long, long ago that Jonathan Lucroy would be at the very least the backup catcher. With Zaun being 38, whoever is the backup should get plenty of playing time. Then again it's Macha, so he'll probably play 140 games. What I don't want to see is Lucroy getting no playing time and having a breakdown like Gamel. I think Lucroy has a real future and I don't want to see him mismanaged.

I'm working on a 2010 preview post that should be up by weeks end. I feel reinvigorated!

One thing is for sure, I'm ready for baseball!

What is the problem asshole?

2010-02-17T16:18:00.008-06:00

For some reason I've been really craving Bloody Mary's all the time lately. I've noticed that every time I order one the bartender gives me attitude. Yes, I realize it's 6PM. Is there some unwritten law that a Bloody Mary can only be drank in the morning? Why is this any more difficult to make then something like a Long Island? What's so fucking hard about putting some juice, vodka, worcestershire sauce, bitters and some tabasco in a glass? Is it because of all the frills that go in with it? All I want is a pickle asshole, I don't need all the fru fru crap. I'm sorry I don't want a tap from your dirty ass lines with fruit flies that you haven't cleaned for 5 years that gave me the shits last time.

I've decided that from now on anywhere I go the first drink I'm ordering is a Bloody Mary. My friend Mr. Del Taco had a great idea; if I get attitude then I'm asking for a mojita. Go muddle me some fresh mint while you talk like Foghorn Leghorn bitch. Oh, and Enjoy your zero tip fucko.

Outrageous

2010-02-12T08:37:00.003-06:00

I really can't believe what I just read. Hart won the arbitration hearing. I didn't think he had a snowballs chance in hell.

If you're gonna be making 4.8 million you better keep your fucking mouth shut this year and develop some plate discipline. I can't handle another year of you "not taking pitches" and then complaining about fans who put your hillbilly ass in the All Star game.

Isn't Gabe Gross still available?! Yeah, I said it!

Better things to do with Corey Harts money

2010-02-10T13:46:00.009-06:00

Today is douche extraordinaire Corey Hart's arbitration hearing. Hart is requesting 4.8 million for the 2010 season. This to me is a total joke. There is no way in hell he is worth anywhere near that. Swinging at shit in the dirt in the playoffs, talking smack about Milwaukee and it's fan, getting stupid fucking tattoos of tractors.... All in a days work for this tool.

I have thought of a much better use for 4.8 million dollars. I give you (drum roll) the 'Pissing away Corey Harts money zone'.

Every time someone hits a home run instead of a refreshing mist of water Bernie will make it rain various denominations. Dolla dolla bill y'all!

I think this is a much better alternative than giving this hillbilly cousin porking fucktard any money.

Crew Re-Signs Doug Davis

2010-01-20T16:16:00.007-06:00

I guess the Brewers are out of the Ben Sheets foreign lottery. I'm sure someone else will fall for your scam Barrister Sheets. I think the only thing Sheets hasn't been on the DL with yet is Ebola. if I were you I wouldn't even let him watch the movie 'Out of Africa'.

Who'd we trade Davis for a few years ago.... Oh yeah... Johnny Estrada. Good Call Porn Stache Extraordinaire.

Davis is basically guaranteed a starting spot along with Wolf, Gallardo and Parra. who will be the odd man out now (Bush or Suppan) and will they wait until spring to make the decision?
Neither Bush or Suppan have any value in the bullpen. Bush has always been terrible the first couple innings and Suppan just sucks all the time. Suppan's contract pretty much guarantees him a spot and I doubt they will have enough room on the roster to carry both in any capacity. I like Bush and I'll be sorry to see the only pitcher to not choke in the playoffs go.

JunkTruck'n - Junk Van'n

2010-01-20T14:58:00.013-06:00

Saw this beast at the Potawatomi parking structure. Just a thought, but Next time you "fix" your rear window with duct tape, maybe think about using clear plastic? I've seen better laid out plans from Wile E. Coyote.

The best part has to be this:

Yes, that is in fact "The Club" across the steering wheel. Couple things here...

1. Really? The demo derby isn't in town, so I think you're safe.

2. The Club is like $50, maybe you should invest that in a real back window that isn't made from Flavorite trash bags?

3. When you called your insura.... Ok, I can't even do this one without laughing

4. Your lack of rear window makes me think that being at a casino probably isn't the best life choice at this venture. (Unless you were hitting up the 'Press Your Luck' slot)

And of course, what Junk Van would be complete without body clips:

Too cool for school?

2010-01-14T15:13:00.004-06:00

What are the odds that Fielder doesn't show up for the Brewers OnDeck? looking at his track record of skipping two block parties he was scheduled to attend, I would say very likely. He also briefly appeared in the balcony of the Winter Warmup at the Riverside last year days after signing his multi-year deal. You could tell he didn't want to be there and basically said three words "Yeah, you know" and did not take part in the show.

Prince, you're an amazing talent. You had arguably the best season in Brewers history last year and I hope some how we sign you long term. That being said; This city has supported you through your veggie induced Parra shoving, contract anger, tax evasion, attempting to bust into locker rooms to throw down, etc. You have 18 million reasons to show up. Do the right thing.

Women with your Breakfast

2010-01-07T19:55:00.005-06:00

I know I talk about TV a lot, that's mainly because I have no life.

The show Parks and Recreation is pretty damn funny if you haven't seen it. Like tonights episode where Ron (above) discribes his love of breakfast and dark haired women:

"I'm a simple man. I like pretty, dark-haired women and breakfast food. But this stock photo I bought at a framing store isn't real. Today I got the real thing. A naked Tammy made me breakfast this morning. I should have taken a picture of it."

After he ends the relationship he puts back up a picture of just breakfast.

I'm oddly hungry and horny...

NBA - Gun Fever

2010-01-07T10:44:00.004-06:00

Some card game called Bourré and inter-team gambling debts led to a guns drawn locker room showdown between Gilbert Arenas and Javaris Crittenton of the Wizards. However, that by itself did not lead to a suspension until the above picture of Arenas pretending to fire his six shots to the wind surfaced. So, the actual criminal act of keeping what I'm sure is an unregistered firearm at work and drawing down on someone isn't worthy of a suspension, but joking about it after is? I really don't need anymore reasons to not watch the NBA, but their handling of this and many other situations is a joke.

I think I've mentioned this before... Once you become a professional athlete making millions of dollars it's probably time to put down your gats and stop being a thug. Do you really need to be strapped at the arena? Has the team mascot been threatening you?

NBA - Swatting bats and popp'n caps. Fun for the whole family.

The Target / Xbox Shim-Sham

2009-12-27T21:10:00.009-06:00

This is a long story, but well worth the read.

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house, not a creature was stirring except Clowns piece of shit broken ass Xbox from the fuckers at Target...

I didn't think much of it when I opened my Xbox on Christmas Eve and the outside box was a slightly beat up. Nothing major, just looked like it may have been sitting for a while and shuffled around. I took it home from my parents house none the wiser to what was about to become the biggest Christmas pain in the ass ever.

When I arrived home I was excited to get my Xbox hooked up and rolling. I removed the unit and power supply from the box and immediately noticed that the plug and power adapter were totally different. There was no way it was going to fit. Puzzled, I started to check out the system itself and started to realize that what I received was a used Xbox. There were pen marks, dents and random signs of abuse. I called my parents to inquire if possibly they purchased a refurbed system. (at this point I didn't know where it had been purchased) They informed me that it was a new unit and was purchased at Target. They were baffled as to how this could have happened, but I had a pretty good idea as to what was going on...

I couldn't really do much except stew as the next day was Christmas and Target was closed. Clown was getting more restless and angry as the day went on. I knew they were going to give me shit about returning this and I knew I was going to get really fucking angry.

Saturday arrived and I headed down to Target as soon as they opened. I told myself I was going to keep it calm at first and escalate the situation if necessary. (if you've been on here a while you know I have a slight temper and vulgarity problem) I walked up to the returns counter and explained the situation in a calm and courteous manner:

Clown - "I got this Xbox for Christmas and the power plug does not fit. Also, you can clearly tell that this is not a new system. There are pen marks and other imperfection all over. I'm not sure what happened here, but obviously it needs to be exchanged"

The 1st woman I talked to was apologetic, but you could tell the wheels were spinning and she didn't quite believe me. She told me to go to electronics and grab a new one. At this point I was thinking this is way to easy. When I arrived back at the returns counter there were about 8 associates investigating the situation. As I walked back up to the counter I was informed to "Please step back and they would be with me shortly". This was strike one on the Clown anger escalation scale. I stepped back and stood there for about 3 minutes while they pondered what to do. While standing there I looked at the box I was returning and the new one I had brought up. It was totally different and looked to be an older model.

Finally a manager came up and I approached the counter with my anger firmly on level 2. She was not aware of the situation, so once again I explained to her what the deal was. She had the nerve to say to me "This is used. We don't return used electronics". Instantly skipping anger level 3 and going to 4 I said "What the hell is that suppose to mean!? YOU sold it to me in this condition!!" It was at this very moment that another women approached the counter with her child on the verge of tears and said "You sold me this new Nintendo DS and it has scratches all over the screen and the stylus is missing! I had to explain to my children why Santa would bring them USED toys! Now they know Santa doesn't exist. What is going on here?!"

My suspicion all along was that an employee was stealing merchandise and replacing it with used or defective crap. This basically proved my theory... RIGHT!? I said to the manager "See! Same thing! Obviously there is some kind of shim-sham theft ring going on in your store!" The manager then tells me "That situation has nothing to do with yours" It was at this point I think smoke started to come from my head, skipping level 5-9 I was now at full on level 10 fuck you time.

Clown - "Are you fucking retarded?! How can you not see what's going on here. You have an employee stealing electronics you moron. Either you give me a new Xbox or I will call Target corporate and give you a shitstorm like you've never fucking seen! I'm not a teenager. I have money to buy a fucking Xbox. I don't have time for this shit!"

Other male manager that was now helping the other women - "Sir, please settle down. There's no need to swear. We're going to do you a favor and return your unit"

Clown - "Do me a favor?! Are you fucking kidding me? Did you do my dad a favor when you sold him a used busted ass fucking Xbox asshole?!"

It was at this point that the female manager put the new Xbox into a bag, gave me a receipt and I walked out with my hopefully working new Xbox. I was fully my intention to make them open the new unit in front of me to make sure all of the parts were there, but I just wanted to get the fuck out of there.

I arrived home and noticed the front sticker on this unit came off really easily. The unit inside was still sealed, the power plug fit and the unit worked; however, you could tell that the box had been opened at some point and some materials including the Xbox live free sign-up ID was missing. There was no way in hell I was going back because I would end up in prison for stabbing someone.

I'm far from done with this however. I will be calling, emailing and snail mailing corporate. I will also be calling today to speak to the actual store manager.

This may be a small blog, but I'll be spreading the word as much as possible about your terrible customer service and obvious employee thefts. I can guarantee that there were many more electronics coming back that day in the same condition.

Thanks for wrecking Christmas not only for me, but for those other kids. What a way to find out Santa isn't real.

This is far from over Target...

Good Bye America's most average baseball player

2009-12-15T14:53:00.004-06:00

I don't understand peoples hard on with Cameron. I don't give a shit what some gay-ass metrics have to say, he is the most overpaid player possibly in the history of baseball. Look around at other players making 10 million a year... I bet they aren't taking "bad routes" to balls that cost a team a playoff game. It wasn't just that one either, that one obviously just stands out.

I especially enjoyed your transformation into Rob Deer to finish the season this year. It looked something like this: K, K, K, K, K, K, K, K, K, K, K, HR, K, K, K, K, K, K, K, HR

You may have been a good guy in the clubhouse, but that's not worth 10 million.

At least we won't be subjected to your giant super herpes cold sores anymore.

Fucking Worthless.

Good luck Big-Red

2009-12-15T08:05:00.005-06:00

I can't say that I was surprised when I heard that Seth McClung was non-tendered, but I was definitely disappointed. Seth always seemed to give everything he had whenever called upon. He also genuinely liked Milwaukee and the fans. Seth became a fan favorite for his condor and excitement both on and off the field. One time in particular that I will never forget is when Braun hit the bomb in 2008 that catapulted us into the playoffs. Seth could be seen running around going ape shit in the bullpen. That was a real reaction, from a real guy, that really cared about this team. It's amazing that of all the highlights in 2008 that sticks in my head.

I wish you the best of luck where ever you land. If and when you return to Miller Park myself and many others will be on our feet.

Junk Truck'n - The WTF Edition

2009-12-09T15:27:00.006-06:00

The pictures are kind of shitty because it was on the move, but I think you can see that this is a full sized GMC pickup with what appears to be a Corvette back end bolted on.

Here's a closer view of the amazing Truckvette:

While I admire your ingenuity and crazy welding / mashup abilities I think we need to examine the obvious question of WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DO THIS?

Are you attempting to trick people into believing that Corvette released a truck version? Maybe GM would be interested in your idea! You should totally send them pictures of your Truckvette jalopymobile. If GM would have had this idea before they probably wouldn't have needed a bailout.

Somewhere an El Camino is rolling in it's grave.

Latroy Hawkins 2 year deal

2009-12-09T13:45:00.001-06:00

Just heard on ESPN radio that Latroy Hawkin's has signed a 2 year deal with the Milwaukee.

Wolf signs 3 year deal

2009-12-09T11:37:00.003-06:00

According to a twittter post by Ken Rosenthal, Randy Wolf has agreed to a three year deal with the Crew. Amount unspecified.

Winter Meetings

2009-12-09T08:54:00.003-06:00

The winter meetings are upon us and Pornstache has been hard at work trying to land Wolf. It sounds like it could be a done deal today anywhere from 27 to 31 million. I like the Brewers aggressiveness on this. They ponied up right away and basically shutout other teams that may have been interested in bidding. The roughly 10 million a year salary is already made up by dumping America's most average baseball player, Mike Cameron. It's always risky to spend that much on a pitcher even if they don't get hurt (see cold Soup), but it's a risk you have to take to compete. I will go on record as saying I have a good feeling about Wolf.

Melvin is suppose to meet with Barry Meister, Craig Counsell's agent before the meetings are through. Haudricourt had originally reported that Counsell was seeking a 2 year contract, but has since reported that was incorrect and a mutually beneficial one year deal should get it done. We'll need Counsell to fill in when Dick Reeks breaks his 3rd wrist... Trust me, he'll find a 3rd one to break.

Apparently, there were talks of a Corey Hart for John Maine deal. Good. Take your attitude to NY. You'll be wearing your sunglasses all fucking day after someone beats you with a bag of wrenches prick.

I'm throwing in the towel for 2010

2009-12-04T13:48:00.003-06:00

I'm already very disappointed with the moves this off season and it's barely gotten started. Not re-signing Looper will bite us in the ass. How much pitching does Pornstache really think he's going to pick up?! Other teams need pitching too asshole and many of them have more money.

Now it would appear that the hobo is officially out. The Brewers have signed Gregg Zaun for the #1 catching duties next season. Exactly what are we gaining here besides cutting payroll? Nothing. Zaun blows. I can only hope that Lucroy busts out of spring and steals the starting job at some point.

I think are chances in 2010 are slim to none. I will still watch every game as always, but I think this is going to be brutal AGAIN. Unless Melvin can pull something magical out of his ass besides his head, it's fucking done.

Bob Cooper - Man of Action

2009-12-01T14:26:00.004-06:00

Bob Cooper is more confused here then when he found out his son was gay from his Myspace profile. He could not figure out why anyone would lock trash? (Especially the recycling bin) How the hell are the street people going to survive if people start locking up the aluminum?

Don't worry gutter snipes, Bob Cooper is fighting for your trash digging rights and he's very important.

Brewers Clubhouse Sale - Julio Machado Mention

2009-12-01T13:58:00.004-06:00

The brewers are having a sale this weekend at the Stadium.

http://www.jsonline.com/blogs/sports/78239997.html

The best part about it is this tidbit from Haudricourt:

"A personal side note: Years ago, I went to the Brewers' clubhouse sale and purchased the last jersey worn by reliever Julio Machado, who had been arrested for murder in Venezuela. I gave it to a co-worker for his son. As far as collector's items go, how many folks can say they have a major league jersey last worn by a player convicted of murder?"

Nice!

Junk Truck'n - Vintage Junk

2009-12-01T10:18:00.005-06:00

This amazing piece of vintage junk is a 1962 Ford and it was taken to settle a debt... My question was, who owed who?! Was the debt for like .39 cents?

Of course it wouldn't be complete without being filled with junk:

Why wouldn't you haul around a 90's Thunderbird steering wheel?

If he's planning on restoring this he may want to concentrate his efforts on building a time machine first so he can find the fucking parts. Bondo stock is going to skyrocket.

When the Saints go marching all over your ass

2009-12-01T09:16:00.004-06:00

I wasn't really believing that the Saints were as good as their record, but after last night I think it's clear that they are the team to beat. They made the Pat's defense look stupid. That offense is crazy talk.

A Vikings vs. Saints playoff game would be one hell of matchup. I look forward to it.

A Wedding Story

2009-11-24T09:06:00.005-06:00

Went to a wedding Saturday, which normally would be fun if I was able to drink anything. I was still hung over as fuck from the Bucks game and ensuing drinkorama-booze fest Friday night.

The wedding was Star Wars themed. Yes, I'm totally serious. Everyone got a name tag with a different character or item. I was Darth Vader and sat at the Alderaan table. When asked what some of the characters were the bride had no idea. This, in and of itself is humorous, but it's nothing compared to the brief interaction I had with the food server in the buffet line:

Server woman - "Chicken, turkey or roast beef?"

Clown - "Roast beef"

Clown - "Is this au Jus sauce?"

Server woman with really shitty tone "It's beef gravy"

Clown angry from not drinking at a God damn gay Star Wars themed Wedding - "It's called Au Jus Bitch!"

The End.

Junk Truck'n - The Return

2009-11-24T07:24:00.010-06:00

It's been a while since I had any of the regular features. Work, generally being busy and early off-season depression have gotten in the way. I figured I would get it started off again with my personal favorite, Junk Truck'n.

I will admit that at first this actually looks like a nice old truck, nowhere near worthy of the coveted moniker Junk Truck; however, upon further inspection...

Holy hell! I've waited so long to find a Junk Truck that is also Truck'n Junk! Some of the items include: Random boards with nails sticking out, soda cans, a tire that doesn't go with the truck, empty oil containers, rebar, grill cover, can koozie, gas can and about 5 wheel barrels full of dirt. (Why wouldn't you haul around dirt?) I didn't think it could get any better then that until I saw the inside:

A backpack and a kids Tigger water float round off the junk tally nicely. I'm not sure what pool he's taking kids to in November, but he should probably have a dirty van with no windows instead...

Just to prove it's Junk Truck'n worthiness I give you this:

Top 10 Prospects

2009-11-20T14:48:00.003-06:00

Update: BA is Baseball America, not Brian Anderson. Also, I am officially a retard.

Baseball America has released the Brewers top 10 prospects. I didn't know this, but Tom Haudricourt posted that he and Brian Anderson currently put together the Brewers list. That being said I'm very surprised that two people so close to the organization would place Brett Lawrie as the #2. To me a prospect list should have at least something to do with the Major League need in the organization for their position. If a player is eternally blocked than what is his actual prospect value to the MLB team? If you're adding up what the prospects value is on the market it should be a different equation.

Three of these players were drafted this year.

1. SS Alcides Escobar
2. 2B Brett Lawrie
3. 3B Mat Gamel
4. RHP Eric Arnett '09
5. C Jonathan Lucroy
6. OF Kentrail Davis '09
7. LHP Zach Braddock
8. OF Lorenzo Cain
9. RHP Jake Odorizzi
10. RHP Kyle Heckathorn '09

To me, Lawrie hasn't shown nearly enough to even be in the top 10. His line this year between A and AA ball was:

AVG OBP SLG OPS
.274 .340 .436 776

If that's our #2 prospect then we got fucking problems.

angel Salome is nowhere to be found, which is not surprising. Cain is lucky we have a lack of outfield prospects or he would be off the list as well.

Sunny

2009-11-20T08:10:00.005-06:00

Last nights episode had some hilarious parts.

The D.E.N.N.I.S System of dating

D - Demonstrate Value
E - Engage Physically
N - Nurture Dependence
N - Neglect Emotionally
I - Inspire Hope
S - Separate Entirely

Dennis on the pay phone "Welcome to hell! hahaha"

Frank as Dr. Mantis Toboggan "Dennis you've got the HIV, big time!"

Frank "Oops, I've dropped my monster condom for my massive dong"

Rickie Weeks traded for vintage porn

2009-11-18T09:10:00.008-06:00

In a somewhat shocking turn of events, the Milwaukee Brewers have traded Rickie Weeks to some guy who lives in his parents basement for his collection of classic porn. When reached for comment Doug Melvin had this to say:

"My mustache made this trade. It seems to have a mind of it's own lately. The other day I caught it about to go down on some chick with a massive bush. It's trying to re-live it's youth or something."

When the mustache was questioned on the somewhat unorthodox trade it had the following comment:

"I needed cash when I was younger and starred in a few films. These films may or may not have involved me and some other dudes. This guy had one of the last copies, plus he threw in a Seka Swedish Erotica. Is this really that big of a deal anyway? It's Rickie Weeks for Christ sake."

Rickie Weeks could not be reached for comment as he was busy cleaning the guys toilet.

Not Rook-Hee of the year

2009-11-17T07:54:00.005-06:00

Casey McGehee finished 5th in the NL rookie of the year voting behind Coghlan, Happ and Hanson. Coghlan was very deserving, but as far as Happ and Hanson I don't think pitchers should even be in the mix. You can't compare what an every day player brings to a team and someone who plays every 5 days. There should be a separate award for rookie pitchers.

Colby Rasmus only got 1 vote and Andrew McCutchen got 7. So, they stuck by the numbers there, but not for McGehee? There is just way to much arbitrary bullshit in baseball especially with awards. Either make it by the numbers or don't. I wasn't realistically expecting McGehee to win, but I think he got raped placing behind McCutchen.

Does it really matter where you place if it isn't first? Yes, because I get angry about stupid shit.

Moose is a moron

2009-11-16T08:47:00.003-06:00

I was watching the Packer game yesterday and heard Moose Johnston say that when Ahman Green was playing for the Packers he was the best running back in the NFL. Really? Let's take a look at just a few other running backs that were active from 2000-2006:

Emmitt Smith
Marshall Faulk
LaDainian Tomlinson
Edgerrin James
Brian Westbrook
Clinton Portis

Ok Moose. How many in that list are on their way to the Hall? Not Ahman Fumble Green that's for sure.

Wow, Brewers not picking up Looper's option

2009-11-14T08:51:00.002-06:00

Lucroy in the mix

2009-11-11T09:27:00.004-06:00

Melvin is giving serious consideration to Jonathan Lucroy catching next year. I called this months ago. Long before he was doing so well in the AFL.

“I know it’s a big jump from Double-A to the big leagues but a lot of catchers have done it,” said Melvin. “Russell Martin did it with the Dodgers, Chris Snyder in Arizona, Kurt Suzuki with Oakland"

http://www.jsonline.com/blogs/sports/69706672.html

You're a Dick

2009-11-10T12:17:00.007-06:00

Nice to meet you cock. It's at times like this that I wish I always carried a sharpie because I'd like to buy a vowel. At least you got the stickers in the right place dick.

I was tempted to tell the host that a silver van with vanity plate "IM DICK" had it's lights on.

Great moments in Balderdash history

2009-11-10T09:50:00.008-06:00

When I was about 19 my mom was having a party and decided to bust out the board games. My older brother showed up and she asked us both to play a game of Balderdash. (If you're not familiar with Balderdash it's a game where you basically try to bullshit everyone into believing that your definition read aloud is the correct answer) My mom was the person reading the definitions out loud for this round. The word is "Pucka". She get's to what is my brothers definition and scowls, but has no choice but to read it in front of her friends....

Clown's mom - "Pucka........(Long Pause)........ A piece of shit"

Bob Cooper - Man of Action

2009-11-09T12:38:00.005-06:00

Bob Cooper is really cuttin a rug here. He fancies himself as quite a dancer and even tried out for 'So you think you can dance'. During the audition he kept telling everyone how important he was and that the show wasn't even on his radar because "He can kick it old school like American Band Stand". He then picked a chunk of pork out of his mustache and ate it.

Packers... Terrible

2009-11-09T08:19:00.007-06:00

What kind of guy stands like this?

Congrats to the Packers for losing to the worst team in the NFL. This is even worse than I had anticipated before the season started. I think a high school defensive line could sack Rodgers at a least a few times in a game. I don't even know who our current offensive line coach is, (because I don't give a shit) but he should already be fired. There is at least some talent on the line, so there is no excuse for getting owned this much.

Mr. Potato Mike Mccarthy and Ted Clearly-Gay Thompson have succeeded in taking a playoff dynasty and turning them into garbage that even Bob Cooper wouldn't dig in.

I'm still waiting for Thompson supporters to admit that he didn't give a shit what this team was comprised of as long as it had nothing to do with Ron Wolf. This was going to be Teddy's team regardless of how bad they are.

I am willing to admit now that Favre is a douchebag, so why can't other people admit that what he brought to the Packers was far more than just his arm. 2 years without Favre and 2 years of sucking ass. How many back to back years did we suck when Favre was on the team? We were too busy being in the fuckin playoffs every damn year.

JJ. Hardy for Carlos Gomez

2009-11-06T11:17:00.012-06:00

Mixed feelings all over this one. It's no surprise that he got dealt, but I think this was quicker than anyone anticipated. I was hoping if he were traded it would be in a bundle for some pitching, but they chose to address the outfield hole first. As far as their numbers they were very similar last year as both experienced what amounted to season long slumps.

Gomez can fly, but we'll be giving up some power in Cameron and Hardy as both are potential 25 HR guys. The problem is Macha never gives the green light to run. If we're going to have Braun, Gomez, Escobar and Dick Reeks we better damn well start stealing some bases.

Melvin seems to have a massive hard-on for Gerut. I'm guessing Hart will be traded and Gerut will take over in Right. I think they were a bit surprised when Jason Bourgeios was picked up off waivers by Houston. Not like he was going to be a full time outfielder, but a viable backup. Lorenzo Cain's injury earlier this year was also a big blow to the future outfield.

Anyway... I still think JJ kind of got the shaft with being kept in AAA just enough time to take away a year of service. I don't believe for a second that Dougy Pornstache Extraordinaire Melvin didn't know the timing. If he really wasn't aware of JJ's situation then he shouldn't be a GM.

I want to thank JJ for his years of service here in Milwaukee. He always seemed like a good guy that played hard every day. I'm sure there will be plenty of young slutty girls for you to pork and eye patch in Minnesota. Look at the bright side, if you're there a few years you're pretty much guaranteed some playoff action.

PS. Thanks for the card above that you randomly grabbed at your condo to sign

Sunny

2009-11-06T08:37:00.005-06:00

Hilarious episode last night involving different merchandise they could sell at the bar. Anytime they have the lawyer on the show it's funny as hell. Some of my favorite parts:

1. Charlie noticing the women eating the whole sleeve of Chips Ahoy

2. Dennis offering the lawyer a "Frame Bang" on his wife and the lawyer asking him not to "break into his house and rape his wife"

3. Mac eating the contract

4. Franks idea to sell hard boiled eggs for people to put on their dashboards

5. Dick Towel! The part at the end when they are showing the video to the trade group is classic

Brewers Updates

2009-11-06T07:52:00.003-06:00

Mark Rogers got lit up yet again in the AFL giving up 5 runs 2 of which were long balls. he now has a 17 ERA in 7.2 innings. I'm hoping it's mainly fatigue from his first year back from shoulder surgery. He posted great numbers in A ball this year with an ERA of 1.67. If he's not able to handle the level of talent in the AFL than he is obviously not ready to move up to a higher class come spring. One step forward, two steps back, the story of Mark Rogers.

Jonathan Lucroy continues to swing a hot bat this fall:
Avg HR OBP
.379 2 .387

I can't wait for spring to see what this kid can do. Well, I can't wait for spring in general because no baseball is depressing.

The Crew has 10 days to decide if they want to use the options on Looper or Weathers. I would say there is a 0% chance that Weathers is coming back and about a 75% chance that Looper is. Looper picthed better last season than most people gave him credit for. Comparisons to Suppan are completely off base.

I'm going to get edumacated

2009-11-05T10:49:00.013-06:00

I've been getting college solicitations for about a year now for some dipshit name Jefreson who obviously does not know his own email address. It's amazing how many bullshit colleges have popped up in the past few years. I got this email today:

"You may be contemplating college for several reasons. Perhaps you want to start working to earn some money. Or maybe you need to work in order to assist in paying for college"

Maybe you should use proper grammar being that you are a "college" and not start a sentence with OR. Is this like the chicken or the egg? What kind of stupid circular logic is this?

The program gives you off on Monday's, so it may take you an extra couple of days to earn your fake 2 semester masters degree.

"Do you know it's not to late to start in July?" Really? I hope so, it's fucking November

I was offered an opportunity to sign up for a webchat with the faculty next Wednesday. I have quite a few questions that need to be answered like "Can I take online classes on my Tandy 1000?". I will capture the chat and post it on here next week. This is going to be epic.

As you can see I am a transferring from Outer Mongolia University of Canada. I really hope that my credits will transfer. I'm majoring in acrobatics with a minor in Boxing. (not the sport, just putting shit in boxes)

Yankees win and they don't even care

2009-11-05T08:55:00.003-06:00

What a surprise. Yankees win.

Judging by the lame almost scripted celebration it was all but a foregone conclusion that they were going to win from opening day. Everyone just seemed so fake and unexcited. I guess when you have already won something 26 times it's no big deal.

Something needs to be done. Time to tell the players union to get bent, time for a hard salary cap.

I was really hoping it would go to game 7 and they would put in C.C. Collapseonya

Actual Brewers Stuff

2009-11-04T08:07:00.004-06:00

It's been depressing watching two teams that I could give a shit about in the World Series, so I haven't been in the mood to talk about Brewers. I think it would have been different if we weren't coming off a playoff year. I just expected so much more going in even knowing the pitching situation. The countdown in my head to spring training has begun. I'm 99.9% sure that I'm heading out there this year, so that will be awesome.

There have been a few news worthy events in recent weeks:

The hiring of Rick Peterson as pitching coach I feel is kind of shitty. I really think that Bosio did an excellent job and deserved the opportunity. Bosio has since been given the position of Advance scout. He'll be going into the towns ahead of the team and doing the scouting report for an upcoming series. I'm glad he's still with the orginization, but I still do not agree with the way he was treated.

Mark Rogers will be representing the Crew in the AFL Showcase game this Saturday at 7:15 CT. The game can be seen on MLB.com if you have their streaming video package. I was surprised to see Rogers instead of Lucroy. Rogers has been lit up this fall with an ERA over 12 while Lucroy is batting .385 with 2 HR's and 5 RBI's. My prediction of Lucroy being on the starting roster next year looks better every day.

Ben Sheets has said he will be "More than ready" come spring. Looking at Sheets previous offseason training regimen of lifting 24oz'ers at Champps I'm going to call bullshit. Although, if he is actually ready to go I would take him back in a heartbeat if the price is right.

If the Phillies can take this to game 7 it will be interesting to see if the Yankees roll out C.C. Collapseonya. I predict 6 runs in 3 innings.

Bob Cooper Halloween Extravaganza

2009-11-02T08:12:00.009-06:00

Bob Cooper was out on the town celebrating Halloween this weekend. I always knew Mr. Cooper was into trash digging, but this night got out of hand. I think it's time for our new feature: Bob Cooper - Man of Action (I've run out of Putin material anyway)

Obviously something caught his fancy in the trash:

Here is Bob Cooper catching up on some Brewers news.

Bob Cooper is from the streets. He had a hot hand of dice all night: (Ashy Larry was MIA)

More to come from your new man of action, Bob Cooper

Super crazy ultimate mega amazing Packers MORNING blitzkrieg update

2009-11-02T07:46:00.006-06:00

So, I get up this morning and I'm already pissed off about the time change. It's fucking stupid to have it light out at 6am and dark at 4pm. Why would anyone rather have their extra hour of light utilized while driving to their shitty ass job? I hereby boycott this time change. I will be getting everywhere one hour later.

Then, I turn on the TV like any morning and what do I find? They are doing the extra super duper Packers coverage in the morning now. People didn't get their fill from the extra 12 hours of coverage yesterday? I only want to hear 3 things on the news in the morning:

1. Did World War 3 start?

2. Weather

3. Traffic

(Preferably in that order)

I most certainly do not need to hear recipes from LeRoy Butler. He must need money or something? His gig on the 2nd worst sports show ever on WSSP must not be paying well. WSSP Having jar head fucktard football players commenting on baseball... great radio.

Sunny

2009-10-30T09:54:00.002-05:00

A classic episode last night about wrastling with Rowdy Roddy Piper as the "Maniac". Some hilarious parts:

Frank as the 'Garbage Man' eating trash and then puking in the can.

Frank giving the returning soldier a pair of jean shorts

The 'Maniac' having a bucket of chestnuts in his car

The 'Birds of War' entrance singing about protecting their eggs and screaming like eagles.

Artemis asking Sweet Dee if she got any dick picks because it could be a "Mess down there"

Pigs and Douches

2009-10-30T08:26:00.012-05:00

I guess I should talk about sports for once. I've just been in a funk since the Brewers season officially ended. I've only been watching the Series on and off so far as I really hate both teams; however, I have decided that I am officially rooting for the Yankees. Partly because I'm an asshole, but mainly because I hate the Phillies that much. I've been really distracted while watching the games because I keep thinking about stuff like this.

Yeah, it's been really distracting....

Putin - Man of Action

2009-10-28T10:00:00.004-05:00

There are so many things off in this picture. Why is Putin scowling? Was he just told that he's eating cat shit? Is this the Tiger Woods of Korea? It looks like he just hit the links. Maybe that's Putin's caddy who carries his giant fork.

That looks like a nice chair. I could use it in my fart rotation.

Chair-iots of Fire

2009-10-28T07:40:00.004-05:00

I've had this computer chair for many years. The back is all bent to shit after I got pissed off playing Counter Strike and had a tantrum. I figured it was time for a new chair. As my girlfriend was wheeling it out of the house she noted "This smells like old spaghetti" This reminded me of the work chair swap...

At a previous job I dropped so much ass in my chair that it started to smell rancid. I decided I would switch the visitor chair in my office with my own. Unfortunately, people started to comment on what the smell was when they would sit down. At this point I had already done some serious damage to the chair I had swapped for anyway, so it was time for a new plan, the 'Conference Room Switcharoo'. I started to rotate my chairs with the ones in the conference room next door. I would say after about a month I would need a fresh chair. Once in a while I would be in there for a meeting and people would comment on what the smell was. I would sit there stone faced and say "Yeah, what is that?".

So, sweety, remember that day you found 5 cheddar melt wrappers? Old Spaghetti!

Lucroy

2009-10-26T08:46:00.004-05:00

Lucroy is beatin shit down in the AFL. I've been high on this kid for a while now. I still stand by my statement that he will be on the roster next year. I've never been on the Salome train. He just seems sqautty and injury prone.

http://www.jsonline.com/blogs/sports/65950627.html

Owned

2009-10-26T08:26:00.008-05:00

Jeff Dugan of the Vikings who was clearly getting revenge from a previous tripping call knocked the
shit out of the back judge Richard Reels. He didn't just run into him, he shoved him as hard as possible. I would imagine there will be a fine for this? Although, that game had some of the worst officiating I have ever seen, so I could understand the frustration.

You can see the video here until they take it down:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6DZWWGmKTvo

Jimmy crack corn

2009-10-26T08:13:00.003-05:00

Yankees - Phillies

A team that is always there vs. a team that was there last year. Exciting!

Don't care.

Epic

2009-10-26T07:50:00.007-05:00

The Packers hammered the Browns, which brings us to this...

At first glance one might think this this person works at a planitarium. Then you see the rainbows and realize that pounding your ass like a drum is on the agenda. (not that there is anything wrong with.. oh to hell with it) Someone was alseep at the wheel at the DOT when they issued this plate. I'm sure some prisoner enjoyed making it. I wanted to wait until they came out of the store to see who would have such a plate, but I forgot my rape whistle.

This also proves my registration sticker theory. See #3

http://casademachado.blogspot.com/2009/10/friday-rant.html

This is why I'm not a psychic

2009-10-23T08:50:00.006-05:00

I guess I can throw this away now. My prediction before the year started was a Royals - Brewers World Series. I probably shouldn't be allowed to pick anything ever again. If you see me in a sports book, run.

Although, I must say until the end of June that pick was looking pretty good.

Junk Truck'n

2009-10-22T11:17:00.006-05:00

The Big Horn asshole last night really got me going, so I figured it was time for another installment of Junk Truck'n.

I deem this truck, Purple Pride. From the fruity purple paint, to the shit brown stripe down the middle to the red colored cap, it's a kaleidoscope of bad taste. Nothing says bad ass 80's truck like a light purple paint job and mismatched rims. Either this person is extremely color blind or Elton John stopped by to help paint it.

All you need is Rob Halford riding on top in assless chaps and you'll have yourself a parade.

Big Horn, little brains

2009-10-22T08:00:00.007-05:00

So, I'm driving home from work last night and I notice a big truck coming up behind me. The truck proceeds to follow about an inch from my bumper for about 3 miles. This is a 2 lane road, with no one else around and I'm in what would be considered the slow lane, so he could have gone in the other lane at any time. (I was going about 10 miles over the speed limit as well). I finally got pissed off and moved into the other lane. As he drove by me I noticed it was the 'Big Horn' edition Dodge pick'em up truck. He didn't get far before being stopped by a red light, so I was right next to him. He started to rev his engine in the BIG HORN and inch forward. Apparently, he needed to prove how big of a man he was by racing my 4 cyliner RAV4. It was obvious that he was just messing with me because I was driving a "foreign" car.

Every backward hick asshole driving a pickup truck has to act like a bad ass. I'm not impressed by your fake Hemi truck that's geared to tow a boat. I've decided that if these fit I'm going to be installing them into my RAV4:

http://youtube.com/user/hornblasters#p/a/0/BGYcnYLK_50

I'll show this prick a big horn next time. A fucking train horn.

Trade Rumor

2009-10-21T11:27:00.007-05:00

I heard from a source close to the Brewers that a trade is in the works.

Rickie Weeks is going to KC for a fun size bag of Dorito's and a coupon to Burger Chef.

I fully expect this rumor to get legs and be on Bleacher report.

I'm psyched about the Burger Chef coupon. Somebody's totally getting a Big Chef Burger...

Terrible Calls

2009-10-21T08:06:00.007-05:00

last nights Yankees - Angels game showcased some of the worst officiating I have ever seen. A blown call on a pickoff play where Aybar clearly had Swisher dead to rights seemed to turn into a makeup call when Swisher was called out on appeal for leaving 2nd "too early" on the tag up. The worst call though was when Posada got caught in a run down between home and third trying to allow Cano to advance to 3rd. Angel's catcher Mike Napoli tagged Cano and Posada who were both standing off the base. How can you miss this call? Tim McClleland was standing 2 feet from the action and called Cano safe. Is there a new rule in baseball that says you can stand off the base when time has not been called that I'm not aware of? It's not the first time that dumbshit has missed easy calls. Time to take a hike fucko.

The Yankee's won but may have just cursed themselves by saying they will start to sell tickets to the World Series TODAY. How could God not make a team called the Angels beat these assholes?

On another note; I like how Sabathia is pitching awesome in the playoffs on 3 days rest. Where the fuck was that last year? Then again, we did use him like a rental car that you smoke in, eat whoppers with extra everything and do neutral drops.

Random shit out of a box

2009-10-20T07:25:00.004-05:00

1982 Dwight Bernard? I have no idea who the fuck this guy is, but he looks like a cross between Mr. Magoo and BTK. On the back he states:

"I spent time in the minor leagues to prepare myself to pitch in the major leagues. High school is very similar to the minor leagues. Go to school and work hard. Don't skip out. School prepares you for something even more important. The game of life"

What he really wanted to say is: "Stay in school or I will rape you until the room stinks and then suffocate you with a plastic bag."

Embarrassing Moments with Clowny McClownerson

2009-10-19T21:34:00.007-05:00

A trip to the grocery store for contact solution last night turned into a whole list of items from my girlfriend. So, I'm toward the end of the list and I see "Hand Lotion - Vasoline". Of course I couldn't for the life of me find the damn isle containing said lotion. I went up and down every hygiene isle 3 times. So, I was left with one choice.... Ask the 16 year old kid who worked there.

The look and smirk on this kids face said it all. I might as well have been asking where the fleshlights were.

TIP: Don't go googlin' Fleshlight at work. Wait till you're at the library!

New England ass whooping

2009-10-19T13:11:00.004-05:00

This is an awesome picture of Billy Bob Brady. He looks like he should have starred in Sling Blade. I'm surprised Bill Belichick wasn't wearing his usual cutoff K-mart sweatshirt. Then again, he can hide more video equipment in his winter coat...

I hate the Patriots, but I must say that I was enjoying watching the Patriots beating the shit out of the Titans in a snow storm in October. Again with the retro uniforms, but I actually like the old Patriots logo much better. CBS decided to switch games saying "Well, it's obvious what the outcome of this game will be" and then went to the Bills game! I was quite pissed off. Was it only DirectTV that did this? I was able to watch second half being that I have NFL Sunday Ticket, but if I didn't have that I would have been stuck watching a shitty Bill's game.

CBS sports fucking blow. The production value and commentary is just garbage. You could put a lump of shit on the broadcast and it would have better insights than Phil Simms.

Another reason Counsell is awesome

2009-10-19T10:50:00.001-05:00

http://www.jsonline.com/blogs/sports/64634792.html

Counsell - 2010

Crew Updates

2009-10-16T07:56:00.006-05:00

Both Looper and Counsell had surgery to repair a torn meniscuss in their right knees. I Would be surprised if both were not back with the Brewers next year. Counsell is a free agent, but will most likely not come as cheap as last year given his contributions this past season. Looper has a mutual option.

Mike Burns was outrighted to Nashville to open a spot on the 40 man.

The Atro's are looking to do even worse in the future:
http://www.jsonline.com/sports/brewers/64058377.html

If my 2nd grade math skills are correct, only 128 days until pitchers and catchers report. Feburary 20th. It took me like 20 minutes to figure that out.

Tickets are going up a few bucks for next year for most areas. Brewers tickets are still 4$ under the national average. I'm more than willing to pay the few extra bucks to field a winning team. I'm chalking this year up as a speed bump...

God, please don't let the series be the Yankee's vs. Phillies. I don't know if I could watch that. I think I might hate the Phillies more than the Yankee's if that's possible. This may be due to the following formula:

Corey Hart + Jason Werth = Edge look alikes + tractor tattoos x too tall jones - bad hair + moronic statements +bad entrance music > an ugly wife = I hate the Phillies

Milk steaks

2009-10-16T07:50:00.004-05:00

Sunny last night was awesome. My favorite part had to be when they were trying to set up a Match.com profile for Charlie and they asked him his favorite food ("milk steaks"), hobbies, and likes and dislikes (dislikes - knees). I forget all of the particulars, but I laughed my ass off at this whole scene.

The date itself was really funny too. The philanthropist/fullonrapist joke was ruined for me after seeing all the various previews for this season and episode so I knew it was coming. I should probably just stop watching previews all together. Speaking of which, next weeks with the Phillies whatever-the-fuck mascot vs. Greenman.

Worlds Worst Recipe

2009-10-15T16:56:00.004-05:00

What the fuck does dough have to do with making swedish meatballs? Take ANY other dough? So, cookie dough then? Where's the sauce shithead? Also, thanks for emphasizing FRYING PAN because I was going to cook the shit in a helmet. Who the hell boils meatballs? Is this 'Better off dead?

Fuck you Benson. You're an asshole.

Wendy's Bacon Deluxe Burger - 5 tools

2009-10-15T13:58:00.005-05:00

Tool #1 - Being totally overhyped

Tool#2 - Tasting exactly the same as the regular bacon burger that has been on the menu for 20 years.

Tool #3 - Having bacon that is neither applewood nor smoked and being so hard I have brain damage

Tool #4 - Looking exactly like the Whammy Burger from Falling Down

Tool #5 - Giving me 2 strips of dickhard bacon instead of the promised 4

Dave Thomas is rolling in his grave. (Mainly because he was fat)